According to the Oxford dictionary, an advocate (noun) is a person who publicly supports or recommends a particular cause or policy. As a verb (actions the advocate takes) the Oxford dictionary says [to] publicly recommend or support. So, it is common sense that those who call themselves an advocate will also back it up with actionable behavior. To publicly support a cause means we must also stand against those who are opposing it. Again, this is common sense. Those who claim to support a cause without standing against those who oppose it cannot be advocates, according to the Oxford dictionary. They are false advocates. And unfortunately, there are far more false advocates for complex-PTSD than there are true advocates.
So, it’s time to address those who are calling themselves CPTSD advocates and ask them 1) What cause are you publicly supporting? and 2) What are you doing to stand against those who are opposing your cause? Because if you cannot answer both questions truthfully, you have no right to call yourself an advocate. Advocating for childhood trauma survivors is no place for cowards, crowd pleasers, and the uneducated. And it is certainly no place for the abusers, though I strongly suspect that many of these false advocates for CPTSD are really cluster B disorders (Trauma Glossary 1) misrepresenting CPTSD. But forsaking that argument, let’s assume that the false advocate is a coward, crowd pleaser, or just plain uneducated.
Calling Out the False Advocates
First, it’s a shame when those who are advocating for victims (both children and partners) of narcissistic abuse are doing a better job listening to and maintaining safe spaces for their followers than those of you who have CPTSD in the title of your social media pages. I am not saying that all social media pages with CPTSD in the title are run by false advocates. I am saying that I’ve encountered one page too many run by those claiming to represent CPTSD; but check the comments and it’s clear that it’s a safe haven for the borderlines and narcissists – not the trauma survivors.
And don’t give me that tired, crowd-pleasing argument “They have childhood trauma too”. Because there are already multiple websites, YouTube channels, support groups, social media pages, and other resources just for them. Yet you allow them to invade CPTSD spaces to attack and control the narratives of the victims and survivors.
How do you think CPTSD develops out of childhood trauma? It’s from being raised by narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, or sociopathic parents. In other words, the cluster B personality disorders are those who repeatedly inflict trauma on their children. Those advocating for the victims of narcissistic abuse get it and yet you’re not. And so, I am forced to conclude that either you know nothing about childhood trauma or you are feigning ignorance. Which is it?
To the False Advocates Who Claim They’ve Read Pete Walker’s Book
Complex-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker was published in 2014. It remains the number one resource for those with CPTSD. I’ve seen many of you false advocates praise this book and recommend it to your followers. Good for you! Except for the part where you are recommending a book written by a therapist who also stated three times that both narcissists and borderlines engineer CPTSD in their children. I’m just pointing this out because judging by your followers and your enabling, you have forgotten that.
Perhaps you should read his book again to refresh your memory. Read it slowly this time, because in case you don’t know, children of borderlines also have CPTSD. They deserve safe spaces to participate without being attacked too. But instead, you are allowing your Cluster B followers who “claim” that they also have CPTSD to control other people’s narratives. All in the name of inclusion, of course. Ah – the old exclude and discriminate against the children of borderlines in the name of inclusion of borderlines. Whether they have CPTSD and BPD is a moot point. In the comments, they are consistently leading with their personality disorder, not their (maybe/maybe not) CPTSD.
Are your block and delete buttons not working?
Mine work. Just last week, I received a hateful comment from a borderline who was offended by my friendly reminder that narcissists aren’t the only ones who are abusive. Her comment lasted six whole minutes, and now her new name is Block & Delete. Here is the “offensive” meme in question, because unlike the false advocates, I believe in raising real awareness.
Funny thing was, the borderline who made her hateful comment had been following me for a while, even liking some of my posts. Apparently she hadn’t paid much attention to my content, hashtags, or what my page specifically states. “Blogger for Complex-PTSD. Helping, educating, and championing for those raised by NPDs and BPDs.” However, since I care more about what I stand for than pleasing those of whom my page is not for, I lost no sleep losing a follower when I blocked her. I also gained two more followers that same day. Think about it.
Addressing your precious algorithm which is retraumatizing your followers
There are those of you who get it – despite the narrative that the borderlines and Quackery Today are pushing – that the borderlines are just as dangerous as the narcissists. You will even on (rare) occasion drop a meme that…shall we say, illuminates the truth that most people are too afraid of saying. That most discriminated against demographic – which are the kids of and ex-partners of borderlines – feel validated, but for only a moment. Because here come the borderlines, dropping their hateful comments and attacking any trauma survivor who dared to comment their relief at finally finding an advocate who understands. I shouldn’t have to explain how this is retraumatizing the trauma survivor when you choose to do nothing about these attacking comments. Yet here we are.
The reason you’re allowing this is because comments help your algorithm and your post reaches a wider audience as a result. While I suppose congratulations on your algorithm success is in order, it’s a shame how you’re selling out the very trauma survivors you’re advocating for in order to get it. You’re a false advocate because your answer to question 2 – What are you doing to stand against those who are opposing your cause? – is to do absolutely nothing.
Silence Begets Ignorance
Just because this new breed of quack-psychologists are pushing the narrative that borderlines are in a lot of pain and that we shouldn’t stigmatize them does not mean we should follow their orders. After all, we can argue that narcissists are also “in a lot of pain” considering how their behaviors don’t exactly constitute a happy individual. Oh but wait! This is the same breed that was trying to remove narcissistic personality disorder from the DSM not too long ago. And let us not forget how they are the ones who keep saying “the so-called personality disorders” – as if to negate the lived experiences of those who have CPTSD as a result of being raised by one – while CPTSD keeps being left out of the DSM.
Once we examine these facts, this new breed doesn’t sound like the world’s most reliable source of information. In fact, they sound downright unethical. They are choosing to turn a blind eye on the mess they have created. Thanks to them empowering the self-centered, the borderlines have been hate raiding anyone who dares to speak of their traumatic experiences with a borderline. This has been going on for well over a decade. Is it any wonder why very little is known about the damages the borderlines inflict on their partners and children? That’s because the quack-psychologists and their activists have been pushing one perspective – the abuser’s – on us and using it as a means of silencing the victims.
End the Stigma is a Scam
Let me state it plainly. End the stigma on mental illness has become synonymous with stop holding abusers accountable. The term mental illness is being weaponized to excuse abuse and silence the survivors. If you can’t see this, it’s unlikely that you ever will. While I would never tell someone with a mental illness who is working on themselves that they are bad, I do have a problem with those who take a survivor’s story and make it all about them by accusing the survivor of demonizing their mental illness.
We need our terms from the DSM to help us make sense out of the senselessness that happened to us in order to start healing. We need to compare our experiences with others so that we feel less alone and we need to share our stories as a means of warning others. Anyone who fails to see this is completely lacking in common sense. If today’s abusers aren’t being held accountable, what hope is there for the next generation?
An Open Letter to the True Advocates: Let’s Raise Some REAL Awareness!
Let’s be honest with ourselves. The false advocates won’t read this far because it’s too much hard truth for them to accept, that they are part of the problem, not the solution. So, this is to my CPTSD community as a means of validating you in the face of what you’re seeing on social media. Yes friends, I see it too. That’s why this part is my open letter to the true advocates. If you’re seeing what I’m seeing and you want to take a stand, then I stand with you. Let’s support and collaborate with each other because one person can’t undo this growing trend. However, as we stand together, more will feel brave enough to stand with us too.