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Trauma Glossary 1 defined the abuser’s culture and the various tactics they use to victimize others, especially their own children. Anything that happened to you in glossary 1 is trauma. So, the following is a definition of problems you may have today because of what happened to you. Also included are links to tools for managing or working through the problems.
Abandonment Depression: (Pete Walker) the deadened feeling of helplessness and hopelessness that afflicts traumatized children
Abandonment Melange: (Pete Walker) the fear and toxic shame that surrounds and interacts with the abandonment depression
Adult Attachment Disorders: both the ability to connect and one’s sense of self is hyper-focused into a person (Insecure or Disorganized attachment style) object/s (Hoarding) or activity (Dissociative) for survival needs. These typically develop out of one’s attachment style (attachment theory) that’s either Avoidant, Insecure, Ambivalent or Disorganized. *Please note there is NO “formal diagnosis” for attachment disorder in adults (conversely, CPTSD diagnosis, which is equally real and often considered by many therapists as an attachment disorder in and of itself, has been rejected in DSMV)
Avoidant/Ambivalent Attachment Styles that could have one or both attachment disorders:
- Dissociative AD: one’s survival energy is daily put into checking out of the present reality through activities such as: online gaming, excessive TV watching, workaholism
- Hoarding AD: the most isolated of the three adult Attachment Disorders; one’s identity is defined through ownership.
- Hoarding: the most widely known is through collection of multiple objects, where one steadily creates one’s own sense of reality through tangible objects
- Hoarding: the attachment is hyper-focused on a single object as a pathological need for security, where without it, one feels untethered and alone. (Think: Gollum from LOTR; Linus – though arguably a high-functioning example – from Peanuts)
Disorganized/Insecure Attachment Style:
- Insecure AD: one’s sense of connection is hyper-focused on a single person to the point of requiring constant check-ins; threat of feeling lost on an extreme level from the briefest absence of one’s Primary Attachment Figure. This is most commonly seen in BPD.
See also: Avoidance; Trauma Blocking
Alexithymia: Develops out of overwhelming emotional stress, causing the midline of one’s brain to shutdown which, by proxy, produces an emotional numbing condition. Can’t figure out how one really feels in any given situation. Believing oneself is perpetually “okay” with little to no awareness of range/scale of feelings until one’s feelings reach fever pitch, which often catches one unaware. The antithesis to emotion dysregulation, whereas in emotion dysregulation, the emotional “volume dial” is set on full blast, in alexithymia, emotional “volume dial” is set on mute. Understanding other people’s emotions better than one’s own. Inability to sense and communicate one’s emotions or understand what body sensations mean and therefore out of touch with one’s needs. This almost always develops out of being programmed to stay safe by disregarding one’s own needs. alexithymics typically have the avoidant attachment style. This condition is considered one rung up from Depersonalization.
See also: Depersonalization
Tools for alexithymia can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Anxiety Disorder: prone to over-worry about situations in the present or future; can be easily startled into panic attacks.
*This is one of the two most common misdiagnoses for CPTSD (the other is Depression) due to CPTSD being left out of DSM.
- Generalized Anxiety: much in line with the above, there is no specific trigger for activating one’s anxiety; prone to being hyper-critical of “what is or will be” going wrong to the point of interrupting one’s peace and pleasure in the moment.
- Social Anxiety: a self-conscious based fear that’s triggered by being around other people; most often fueled by one’s underlying belief: “I am too inadequate to connect.”
*Social Anxiety is considered one of the five most common and troublesome symptoms of CPTSD.
Tools for anxiety (1) and (2) anxiety (social) can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Armoring: constant tension in the body, even when at rest; this is the direct result of trauma being stored in one’s body, where one’s muscles are on constant guard for Fight/Flight, regardless of how safe (or not) one’s mind feels in the moment
Tools for armoring can be found in Master Toolbox 1; also Master Toolbox 2, under Nervous System.
Avoidance: internally, it’s the development of strong walls around our most vulnerable parts; externally (behavior-wise) it’s avoidance of what threatens to trigger one into a flashback *to the point where one’s quality of life is narrowed. * (Disclaimer: avoiding one’s abuser is strongly encouraged and is therefore NOT a part of this symptom; in fact, it’s one piece of the solution!) This is the result of unprocessed trauma. It’s also one of the key factors that prevents us from integrating.
See also Adult Attachment Disorder; Blocked Emotions; Catastrophizing; Trauma Blocking
Tools for avoidance can be found in Master Toolbox 1. Note that while tools for Avoidance aren’t specifically named, the tools under Identity/Self-Discovery; Integration; Window of Tolerance should be helpful.
Blocked Emotions: to heal from trauma, one must freely feel one’s feelings. Anger and grief happen to be the two most important emotions to safely experience and work through to free oneself from the binds of trauma. When one emotion is blocked, the other tends to work overtime to make up for it, which leads to a stagnant and lingering mood in one’s daily life.
- Anger Blocked: here the stagnant mood is helplessness; due to the emotional default settings already at low sadness levels, this person is more vulnerable to minor setbacks and disappointments as each one discourages them from feeling there is anything they can do about their current circumstances. Oftentimes the person is aware of the internal anger that they’re unable to bring to the surface, even when they want to. Without the relief of expressing their anger, it’s the sensation of a gnawing in the gut; “I just want to punch something” type of internal dialogue. But the emotional and physical fatigue of perpetual sadness represses the energy that’s required to release the anger. So, they retreat into bitter sullenness and thus feed the hamster wheel of blocked anger.
- Grief Blocked: here the stagnant mood is irritation; due to the emotional default settings already at low anger levels, this person is quicker to lose their temper, as they are more vulnerable to minor nuisances. Oftentimes the person is aware of the internal sadness that they’re unable to bring to the surface, even when they want to. Without the relief of tears, it’s the sense of feeling sadness in one’s core; “somewhere deep down, I’m crying my eyes out” but it rarely, if ever, surfaces. So, the person is stuck with the repressed sadness, typically finding the means to distract or numb it away through melancholy self-indulgence. Thus, feeding the hamster wheel of blocked grief.
See also Alexithymia; Avoidance; Trauma Blocking
Catastrophizing: I refer to this one as The False Prophet Syndrome, whereby if one can imagine the disaster, it becomes a foregone conclusion in one’s head. Believing one is in a worse situation than the reality; exaggerating the difficulties one faces. An underlining component to this is hyper-vigilance, as it’s where bad experiences breed one’s perception that’s out of proportion to reality. E.g.: If one’s perception is rooted in depression, one’s False Prophet imagines hopeless outcomes; if the perception is rooted in anxiety, one’s False Prophet imagines worst fears manifested. Often, it’s part of an emotional flashback and, when left unchecked, can spiral quickly into executive dysfunction.
See also Executive Dysfunction; Hyper-vigilance
Critic: better known as “Vicious (inner/outer) Critic”; when engineered by trauma, it’s adverse but faulty beliefs about oneself (inner critic) and/or how one perceives and relates to the world (outer critic). What becomes your “inner voice” that resulted from parental blame.
- Inner Critic: the belief is the fault lies with one’s own self; Fawn type is ruled entirely by inner critic; Flight type is ruled by equal parts inner and outer critic.
- Outer Critic: the belief is the fault lies with others. Fight and Freeze types are ruled entirely by the outer critic.
*The Vicious Critic is considered one of the five most common and troublesome symptoms of CPTSD.
Tools for working through the critic can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Co-dependency: This is often confused with dependency, which is a psychological dependence on others to fulfill one’s emotional needs. The difference here is that one’s emotional needs have been suppressed due to childhood programming. This, in turn, fuels many of the most common and troublesome symptoms in CPTSD, such as self-abandonment, super-conscience, toxic shame and a vicious inner critic. The co-dependent’s self-esteem is blocked, which causes the co-dependent to doubt oneself on a severe level whenever confronted by an opportunity to assert oneself or set boundaries. Blocked self-esteem, combined with the toxic shame in the co-dependent, causes them to swiftly internalize any/all negative feedback while simultaneously dismissing or rejecting positive feedback others may offer the co-dependent. In fact, the programming that has been engineered into the co-dependent is so severe, that they are more inclined to experience the “torture” of shame from receiving a compliment than an insult. This puts them at risk for not only repeating the relationship patterns that existed in their childhood, but to be easily influenced by the abuser’s culture, itself.
See also Critic; Repetition Compulsion; Self-Abandonment; Super-conscience; Toxic Shame
Depersonalization: (often shortened as DP) This condition is considered the next rung down from alexithymia. Whereas alexithymics exist in a perpetual state of believing they feel “okay” DP is an emotional flatline, a perpetual dream-like state of being out of touch with one’s own self. One feels unreal while having enough awareness to know that one’s own self is real. This is one of the five major dissociative disorders that’s triggered by compound stress, anxiety, or grief. It’s the biological manifestation of the freeze state, coupled with overactive parasympathetic nerve and under active sympathetic nerve (See also in Trauma Glossary 3: Brain and Body -Autonomic Nervous System). In short, one’s system is mimicking collapse mode. In a cruel twist of irony, anxiety over one’s condition fuels the longevity of one’s DP period (noteworthy that overwhelming stress triggered this, so stress will prolong it). Combine that with the urge to escape one’s deadened feelings with a need to feel alive, if only momentarily, makes one unusually susceptible to complying with the whims of others. A feeling that’s also often but not always accompanied by Derealization.
See also: Alexithymia; Derealization
Derealization: (often shortened as DR) a dissociative state where one’s surroundings seem unreal or distorted while having enough awareness to know that one’s surroundings are real and not distorted. This is often but not always accompanied by Depersonalization. Key takeaway: Depersonalization is feeling one’s own self is unreal; while Derealization is feeling one’s surroundings are unreal.
See also: Depersonalization
Developmental Arrest: the stifling of the natural potential one was born with. This is almost always caused by being raised in an adverse home. According to Pete Walker, the most common developmental arrests in CPTSD are: self-acceptance; clear sense of identity; self-compassion; self-protection; capacity to draw comfort from relationships; ability to relax; capacity for full self-expression; willpower & motivation; peace of mind; self-care; belief that life is a gift; self-esteem; self-confidence
Tools for this can be found in Master Toolbox 1. Note that while tools for Developmental Arrest aren’t specifically named, the tools under Identity/Self-Discovery; Integration should be helpful.
Dissociate: anti-mindfulness; a state of mind (whether willingly or unwillingly) that checks one out of the present moment to the point where one’s return to the present is marked by confusion and/or disorientation. This can vary in both intensity and longevity. Traditionally it is described as “blanking out” momentarily, followed by one’s return to the present both confused and agitated over what just happened. Common everyday types that can be “high functioning”, depending on excess:
- Right Brain Dissociation: daydreaming, excessive living through fantasy world, common in online gaming, binge-watching TV
- Left Brain Dissociation: bingeing on information, analyzing, trivializing, intellectualizing, to the point of ignoring one’s senses and feelings (See also Mental Processing Addiction)
*In both cases, one’s return to the present is typically coupled with shock by how much time has passed.
Tools for dissociate can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Executive Dysfunction: One may be interested in seeing Trauma Glossary 3: Brain and Body on Trauma, particularly Control Panel (2 parts) under the Prefrontal Cortex; for what I’m describing is what happens when the two parts are not humming properly. Beneath the surface of this spiral into executive dysfunction is a temporarily blocked ACG (Anterior Cingulate Gyrus) and/or stuck Basal Ganglia. Throwing one’s energy into a task, including a relaxing or pleasurable one, for too long creates a draining effect on one’s energy. This can rapidly spiral into pessimism, which can feed any number of trauma issues, including: looping/ruminating (a sure sign the brain is trapped between one’s thoughts and feelings instead of flowing out of the loop) hyper-vigilance, catastrophizing. Finally completing the spiral into extreme overwhelm which simultaneously shrinks one’s ability to see multiple options. Producing confusion on simple tasks.
See also: Catastrophizing; Looping; Hyper-vigilance
Tools for executive dysfunction can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Flashback: a sudden regression to a past trauma; often triggered by something in the present that’s reminiscent, however subtle, of the original trauma; can vary from subtle to intense. Also hijacks the amygdala, especially in one’s thoughts and feelings that do NOT necessarily turn into reactionary behaviors. There are 4 Types:
- Dissociative Flashback: a sudden hijacking of one’s present moment, causing the sufferer to believe that one is living in the traumatic past. This can vary from seconds to several hours.
- Emotional Flashback: sudden regression to overwhelming feeling-states of being abused or abandoned. (Fear, Shame, Alienation, Rage, Grief, Depression) *Emotional Flashback is considered one of the five most common and troublesome symptoms of CPTSD.
- Somatic Flashback: the body’s sudden reaction to a flashback that does not require an emotional or thinking component. Common body sensations include racing heart, panic attack sensations, headaches, twist in the core, or phantom-type pains reminiscent of past abuse. Body reactions can vary by trauma type. E.g.- Fight or Flight will have a sudden surge of energy to the point where idleness is uncomfortable but movement is soothing. In Freeze or Fawn this is reversed; the body is in collapse mode and obeying the brain’s commands to move is met with resistance.
- Visual Flashback: most common in PTSD, particularly but not exclusively in combat veterans; one “sees” the past trauma in the present. This can vary in intensity from past overlapping with present, like a “double exposure” film, up to present surroundings being temporarily obliterated by past visuals. This is most often but not always accompanied by Dissociative Flashbacks.
Fleas: Repeat after me: “Learned behavior is a scientific certainty.” In layman’s terms, no matter who it was that raised you, it’s impossible to NOT develop a trait or two of your parents. Children of Cluster B’s struggle with unnecessary shame where this is concerned. No, this does not mean you have developed a personality disorder. It simply means you learned a few of their traits that helped you survive. Just like treating for fleas, distancing oneself from the toxicity (the flea source) goes a long way in calming down those trauma responses.
FOG: acronym for Fear, Obligation, Guilt. The foundation of anxiety, depression, and self-abandonment in CPTSD. The programming that’s the result of years of perpetual feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and powerlessness under the “care” of a Cluster B parent. The inability to see oneself or one’s world clearly, due to the years of gaslighting. Hence, its appropriate acronym “fog” also reflects confusion.
See also: Co-dependency; Critic; Learned Helplessness
High-functioning (Anxiety or Depression): The primary key in both is Opposite Action on autopilot; constant emotion that hides beneath one’s ability to get through the day; the ability to complete daily tasks either despite (depression) or because of (anxiety) the high emotional level under the surface with opposite action
- Anxiety (high function): Insecure fears about oneself that propel one towards opposite action, which in this case is fortifying one’s self-trust, such as: perfectionism (fears not being good enough) people pleasing (fears disappointing others) workaholism (fears laziness) and/or overachieving (fears failure)
- Depression (high function): In this one, the Opposite Action is joy and energy. It’s not uncommon for those with high-functioning depression to be known for having a great sense of humor. (Many comedians battle depression.) Staying busy and general hyperactivity can also be side effects of high functioning depression, especially when one considers how depression can dampen one’s energy and have difficulty getting out of bed.
Hyper-Vigilance: a fear-based state of scanning for threats even in non-threatening situations. Adrenaline does NOT necessarily have to be high in this state.
Imposter Syndrome: a byproduct of the vicious critic whose “inner voice” contradicts positive feedback from other people. The most common internal thoughts to praise are “If you really knew me, you would not think so highly of me.” This is almost always the result of one who, no matter what one accomplished, it was never “good enough” for one’s overly critical parents; thereby being “stuck” in the cycle of never being good enough for one’s own self in one’s adult life.
See also: Critic -Inner
Intrusive Thoughts: memories, thoughts and feelings that catch us unaware. There does NOT have to be a trigger for this to manifest. Yet when it happens, it has the power to trigger other problems, such as looping, ruminating, and especially, flashbacks.
See also: Flashback; Looping
Learned Helplessness: This is a byproduct of repeated exposure to threatening situations where one had no control or hope for escape. Trauma’s golden rule is it keeps us stuck. Where learned helplessness is concerned, one’s outlook is over-generalized by the 3 P’s of pessimism (thanks to Dr. Martin Seligman for this one): Personalizing “It’s my fault”; Pervasiveness “I can’t do anything”; Permanence “It will always be this way”.
See also Catastrophizing; Negative Noticing
Tools for learned helplessness can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Looping: amplified ruminating that’s common in CPTSD. Think of it as a strip of film that’s stuck playing one scene repeatedly. The mind is temporarily stuck on a past scene, long past or recent that feels unresolved in some way. Such looping moments create painful emotions, such as shame, anger, depression, or anxiety. This is also a classic example of a stuck ACG (Anterior Cingulate Gyrus), which is part of your brain’s Control Panel. (See Trauma Glossary 3: Brain and Body on Trauma for information on that.)
See also: Executive Dysfunction; Shame Spiral
Tools for looping can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Mental Processing Addiction: left-brain dissociation coping mechanism that becomes habit forming (habits form addictions). This is most seen in those who perpetually have a research/intellectual “interest of the moment” that swiftly consumes all of one’s time
See also: Dissociate -Left-Brain
Negative Noticing: We all have “sensory filters” that determine whatever it is we are scanning for in our daily lives. Our beliefs/assumptions about the world determine what we notice and what we overlook in that process. Whatever it is we are scanning for is exactly what we will continue finding. In so doing, it determines how we respond to our environment and simultaneously, how our environment reciprocates. Where negative noticing in CPTSD is developed, I refer to this as the 1/10 Factor. Here’s how it works. Having ONE encounter with a person/situation that’s reminiscent of past trauma causes one to automatically guard against the next encounter, while simultaneously forgetting or minimizing the 9 other encounters that were positive. Over time, it clouds one’s perception of the world, as the person becomes less open or receptive to positive encounters; therefore, others respond with decreased openness and warmth. (The cliche “You get back whatever you put in” reigns supreme here.) Thus, feeding the hamster wheel of “confirmed” beliefs that the world is more threatening than welcoming.
See also: Catastrophizing; Critic; Hyper-vigilance; Learned Helplessness
Tools for negative noticing can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Paradoxical Breathing: stomach goes inward on inhales and expands when exhaling. This is also known as “backwards breathing” and is common in adult children of adverse homes. This is due to when one is startled, a sharp intake of breath, coupled with contracted stomach occurs which triggers the sympathetic nerve; when this happens over an extended period of time, the body gets “stuck” breathing this way and in the process, over-activating the sympathetic nerve.
Tools for paradoxical breathing can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Regression: a long-lasting flashback that endures and devolves up to weeks on end.
See also Flashback
Repetition Compulsion: being stuck in a cycle that keeps producing the same results to the point where one feels one’s life is “fated” for only one outcome or only attracting the same type of people; this illusionary “fate” is caused by either/both: 1) faulty childhood programming that severely limited one’s skills in discerning alternate options in handling situations in order to produce a better outcome 2) a need to gain meaning and/or mastery over one’s trauma by creating and enabling the “fated” outcome, all of which is motivated and committed on a completely unconscious level. In other words, one is NOT doing this on purpose. The most common and problematic for Repetition Compulsion is relationships with those like one’s abusive parents. If you identify with the last sentence, it’s recommended that you return to Trauma Glossary 1 for the following terms on what signs to look for when you’re being hooked in by this sort: (Stage 1) Love Bombing; (Stage 2) Intermittent Reinforcement; (Danger of what you will become if you stay) Primary Attachment Figure; (Stage 3) Hoovering.
Self-Abandonment: also known as people pleasing; a behavior that involves invalidating and disregarding the self’s wants and/or needs on behalf of someone else’s; incredibly, this extreme selfless behavior is typically motivated by one’s core belief that he/she (the people pleaser) is selfish.
*Self-Abandonment is considered one of the five most common and troublesome symptoms of CPTSD.
See also: Co-dependency; Critic -Inner; Super-conscience; Toxic Shame
Shame Spiral: a common side-effect of being raised in toxic shame. When triggered, spirals into self-attacking accusations to the point where the sufferer is tempted into giving up and isolating. (e.g., Disappointing any ONE person triggers the grandiose belief “I disappoint everyone…and must therefore give up and/or isolate myself.”)
See also: Executive Dysfunction; Looping; Toxic Shame
Tools for shame spiral can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Soul Death: complete submission to inescapable shame; Not to be confused with Shame Spiral (see also Shame Spiral), which typically doesn’t last more than a few hours and is triggered by a single event; soul death is triggered by a series of compound stress and confusion in which one uses the unfortunate events to define one’s whole self for an extended period. This often leads to one or more of the following: Depression, Depersonalization, Suicidal Ideation, Isolating, Emotional numbness; Alexithymia.
See also: Alexithymia; Depersonalization; Learned Helplessness; Suicidal Ideation
Tools for soul death can be found in Master Toolbox 1. Note that while there are no tools listed under Soul Death, start with tools for Learned Helplessness, as that is typically the outcome of Soul Death.
Suicidal Ideation: depressed thinking or fantasizing about wanting to die, either actively or passively.
- Active: actively pursuing the direction to end one’s life. National Suicide Hotline (USA): 1-800-273-8255
- Passive: one wishes for or fantasizes about death without actively pursuing ways to carry out suicide
See also: Soul Death; Toxic Shame
Super-conscience: the result of a developmentally arrested ego (or sense of self/identity) with an overdeveloped super-ego (inner parent or “manager” of self). Overwhelming amounts of guilt and shame which undermines the natural impulse for self-compassion and assertiveness.
See also: Self-abandonment; Toxic Shame
Toxic Shame: obliterated self-esteem where one views oneself as fatally flawed: (e.g.) “bad, ugly, stupid, crazy”. This is part of the faulty programming engineered by years of parental splitting, projection, and unfair blaming.
See also: Shame Spiral
*Toxic Shame is considered one of the five most common and troublesome symptoms of CPTSD.
Transference: You’ve heard of Displaced Anger, where one gets angry at a person or situation and takes it out on someone else? This is trauma’s version of displacement, which is not necessarily triggered by anger. In fact, “The Big Five” emotions (Fear, Anger, Depression, Shame, Disgust) that develop out of trauma can create fresh triggers that are seemingly unconnected to one’s traumatic past. While certainly “road rage” (or what typically irritates one while driving) can be a strong indicator, recurring nightmares, phobias, or simply an aversion to something can develop without understanding why.
Tools for transference can be found in Master Toolbox 1
Trauma Blocking: *important to note: the person is often unaware of why they are doing the things they are doing, as the underlying motive is running on a subliminal level. * An adaptive avoidance type of behavior to drown out one’s trauma. This simultaneously creates a sense of a “void” within the person, as they pursue the escapist urge that will momentarily bring a sense of fulfillment, numbing the pain and the illusion of being in control. Ironically, the “for the moment” illusion of being in control leads to the slow erosion of control of one’s life. Most common examples are of course, bingeing on food and/or alcoholism, drug abuse, as these lead to loss of control of one’s health. However, it concerns all excessive compulsions that can momentarily bring relief but with dire consequences in the long term, such as compulsive spending or acquisition which can lead to long term debt or even hoarding; workaholism, which can lead to loss of relationships; the quest for self-perfection prevents one from ever feeling satisfied with oneself.
Trauma Response: any coping mechanism that was developed to survive trauma that gets amplified to the point of overuse long after traumatic experience/s are over. There are numerous examples of this throughout this glossary.
See also: Adult Attachment Disorder; Trauma Blocking; Trauma Type
Trauma Type (4F): Thanks to Pete Walker for this one. There are 4 Trauma Types: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn (hence, 4F). Noteworthy here is that one typically identifies with a primary type and a close secondary type, in which case, there’s a trauma hybrid (e.g., one identifies as Flight first and, when exhausted by the energy of Flight, one will “check out” with television, gaming, etc., the hybrid type is Flight-Freeze).