Note: All 3 Trauma Glossaries and both Master Toolboxes are now available as one free e-book for subscribing. The book’s extensive table of contents has hyperlinks to each word so that you can find whatever you are looking for in a single click. No more scrolling to find it! (See the Subscribe button at the very bottom of this toolbox. Fill out the information and the 86-paged book will be emailed to you.)
The tools listed and defined here are designed to help you decide for yourself whether or not certain ones interest you enough to look up for more information. Many of these tools are only a keyword search away. Be sure to scroll all the way down for a list of Resources (books), the best of the best (8 to date), which have been hailed as most crucial for healing, either by me or members of my Facebook group.
Alexithymia:
- Cognition Sheet: The very ones originally created for EMDR that in fact, have multiple uses. Our beliefs are what drive our thoughts, which drive our feelings. It’s a great tool for tuning into the cognitions which have programmed you into invalidating your emotional needs.
- DBT: Ways to Describe Emotions (Handouts 1-10): Very thorough sheets, one for each of the following emotions: Envy, Jealousy, Love, Happiness, Disgust, Fear, Anger, Sadness, Guilt, Shame. Each sheet also breaks down each emotion by: 1) words that describe it; 2) prompting events for the feeling; 3) interpretations of the event itself; 4) biological changes and experiences of the emotion; 5) expressions and actions of it; 6) aftereffects of the emotion.
- Emotion Wheel/Feelings Wheel: Single at-a-glance wheel of the full range of emotions. The most popular tend to be the CBT emotion wheel and the Marshall Rosenberg: based on nonviolent communication. Personally, I prefer the latter because as a cerebral head, it was a huge comfort to find that he acknowledges Intrigue as an emotion.
Anxiety 1: (for calming nervous system)
- Breathing Techniques: Whatever breathing technique you try, there are three golden rules here: 1) Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth and 2) stomach should expand as you inhale and go in as you exhale. If your stomach is doing the reverse as you breathe, please scroll down to Paradoxical Breathing for a simple way to correct this. Finally, golden rule 3) Unless your inhales and exhales are equal in duration, you want a longer exhale than inhale. The reason is because our inhales are linked to the sympathetic nerve (fight/flight), while our exhales are linked to the parasympathetic nerve (relaxing and calming down).
- Distress Tolerance (DBT: handouts 7, 8, 9): Three sheets in all that have a thorough list of suggestions for different ways to Distract (7), Self-Sooth (8), and Improving the Moment (9).
- Emotional Freedom Tapping (EFT): This is also known as acupressure tapping. Not to be confused with acupuncture, though it was developed out of that practice and research. Instead of pins, only two fingers are required, in which you use to tap on certain points of the body. There are 9 acupressure points in all, and a simple keyword search will lead you to a body diagram of exactly which points to tap.
- Exercise: Anxiety is high emotional energy. Spending that energy through exercise is a great way to lower it.
- Meditation: Research shows that developing a daily practice of this one exercises your prefrontal cortex, which leads to better focus, creativity and productivity. History makers were using this one in their morning routines, except they called it prayer. No, I’m not encouraging faith in a higher power. Just food for thought: meditation is built on the principle of taking a time-out to push out the negativity and calm the racing mind so that you can tune into your core self.
See also Dissociate, as some tools may apply.
(Social) Anxiety 2: (for skill building):
- Dialogical: to have a conversation where both parties equally share and listen. (Pete Walker) An encouraged social practice for trauma survivors, particularly among the opposite poles of the four trauma types: Fight (whose instinct is to over-share with very little listening) and Fawn (whose instinct is to over-listen with very little sharing).
- Drama Therapy: If you’re lucky enough to find a drama therapist in your area, (as they are not plentiful) please go with this option first! Essentially it’s a highly creative type of group therapy. It’s a powerhouse of practicing interdependence, interpersonal, self-expressive, role playing and mirroring that can go a long way in helping you find and then establish your sense of social identity.
- Open Heart Yoga Poses: The core issue with social anxiety is the fear of being judged if you’re vulnerable. Believe it or not, a lot of that fear is stored in your body. Open heart poses are, like its namesake, using your body to bare your heart. It’s the practice of daring to be vulnerable and learning how to be okay with that.
See also Negative Noticing, as some tools may also apply.
Armoring:
- Autogenic Training: Ready-made scripts that involve first, getting comfortable and then mindfully tuning into successive targeted areas of the body. Usually involves repeating the script ten times, as targeted area of the body is training itself to release its tension.
- Massage Therapy: Before you get too excited over this one and book a spa appointment, understand there’s a difference between a masseuse and a massage therapist. In this case, you’re looking for the latter. A good massage therapist will not only locate the tensest areas but can also release some blocked trauma from your system.
- Progressive Muscle Relaxation: This is a process of slowly tensing and then slowly relaxing one targeted muscle group at a time. Starting with the feet, then calves, thighs, hips and so on. Hence, its namesake, “progressive” as you’re 1) progressively relaxing the muscle group and 2) progressing upwards in your body. Like autogenic training, it’s important to use mindfulness to tune into and notice any leftover tension, as well as whether any unresolved emotions are stored there.
Critic: (working through)
- Cognition Sheet: Thought Correction is key to disarming the critic. Start by finding which negative cognition most closely matches your current defeatist thoughts. Then look to the positive cognition column to find at least one affirmation to challenge the negative one.
- Inner Child Work: Believe it or not, even the most vicious inner critic developed as a means of protecting us. As is trauma’s golden rule: Trauma gets us stuck. In the critic’s case, it hasn’t yet gotten the memo that the (inner) child now has choices and therefore, freedoms it could only dream of at the time.
- Reparent: Sure, this is the ultimate aim of Inner Child Work (see above) but have you heard the cliché: Tell me, I will forget; show me, I may remember; involve me, I will understand? Reparenting is how you internalize thought corrections by involving yourself in some way. While Inner Child Work is one method, one should never underestimate the power of using one’s imagination and creativity in conjunction with each other. (Trust me on this one-it’s a powerhouse!)
See also Identity/Self-discovery; Integration; Spiritual Healing, as some tools may apply.
Depression: *A special note* The following are holistic approaches to managing general or situational depression. It is not my intent to discourage medicines for anyone who suffers PMDD or MDD. Depression is far more complicated to work through than anxiety; one may only do a keyword search for tools to understand what I mean. In fact, there are more “see also’s” for Toolbox 2 than there are basic, holistic tools included here. This is mainly due to neuropathway blockages and imbalances. So the challenge for depression is to work through creating new neuropathways. It is my hope that those who suffer PMDD or MDD may view these tools as things worth trying in conjunction with taking medicines.
- Connecting: Communicating with or being around those you trust will go a long way in boosting both your Oxytocin and Dopamine levels. When those boost, so will your mood.
- Movement: Depression tends to create a hamster wheel of low energy, which can induce inertia, which can, in turn, feed feelings of helplessness that seem infinite (one sure sign of the Timekeeper disconnecting). Walking or exercise can free you of the hamster wheel effect.
- Opposite Action: Depression is stored in the nervous system; meaning that the nervous system is fueling the emotion. The more often the body falls in line with the nervous system’s “pre-settings”, the more depression gets stored there. So, using your body to give it the opposite pose or movement will confuse those pre-settings and, with more practice, give it new pathways to grow into.
- Sun Exposure: You’d be surprised how many studies have revealed that low to moderate sun exposure per day can boost the mood.
See also in this Toolbox: Executive Dysfunction; Learned Helplessness; Negative Noticing; Shame Spiral
See also in Master Toolbox 2: Hippocampus; Timekeeper; Cortisol-Serotonin (balance of); Dopamine; Endorphins; Oxytocin
Dissociate:
- Grounding: This is one means of practicing Mindfulness. The keyword is “Notice That” in the now. Tune into and become fully aware of your present environment using your senses. What is it you see? What is it you hear? The sensation of your feet on the ground; if sitting down, awareness of butt planted in seat; if outside, the breeze against your skin, etc.
- Mindfulness: that which trauma brain most despises but is the most essential tool for recovery. The practice of being “in the now” while being in tune with one’s thoughts, feelings and five senses to both understand and challenge one’s programmed thoughts and triggers. It’s introspection wedded with being focused on the present moment.
Executive Dysfunction:
- 20 minute timer: Thanks to Clementine Morrigan for this one. It’s particularly useful when you’ve been caught unaware until you’ve spiraled into severe overwhelm. Set an alarm for 20 minutes and do anything you can in that time frame until the timer goes off. Afterwards, of course, give yourself permission to take a break.
- Distress Tolerance (DBT: Handout 7): Your mind needs a break from what it’s been focusing on. Handout 7 has a vast array of suggested activities that will free you from your current head space. Distracting activities are in fact, the fastest means of finding options you hadn’t formerly seen during your spiral.
Flashback: (Management of)
- Pete Walker’s 13 Steps: This has helped a lot of people, especially those who are only starting to understand their flashbacks. Just a keyword search away and well worth your time looking up and practicing.
- Creative Flashback Management: Beyond the 13 Steps: Article Coming Soon! What do you do when you have a particularly bad trauma that EMDR can’t even help and it’s so powerful, it can cause you to dissociate, send your body into collapse mode, and overwhelm you with depression? It happened to me, and I went on a quest for ways to reduce its power over me. I found many creative ways of working through that one. Any one, or a combination of the things I tried before finding my unique tools can help you too.
Identity/Self-discovery: This is the very backbone towards growth! Until you get to know who you are, you will continue to (falsely) believe: “I can’t” where all other tools listed are concerned. Until you practice self-acceptance, you will continue to (also falsely) believe: “I don’t deserve it.”
- Personality Tests (2): Keyword search: “Enneagram” and/or “Myers Briggs”. While yes, personality tests are a part of “pop” psychology and have therefore been met with some skepticism, it’s an excellent starting point for anyone who is unsure of who they are or why they do some of the things they do.
- Core Values: Multiple sites that will help you figure out the two or three primary motivators in your life, what you stand for and what defines you. (This one takes a little while to puzzle through but it’s well worth the work!)
- Journaling: This has long been touted as primary fuel for self-therapy. Even back in the 90’s, when quackology was the standard for (not) healing children of adverse homes, this is one of the few things they actually got right. Look up “Feelings Journal” and/or “Inner Child Journal” just to give you ideas. Even the good old-fashioned Diary is beneficial.
- Reflections (x3) Journaling: A How-To Guide for Confidence Building: Coming Soon! This is a formula I bungled into when I decided to try out bullet journaling. My accidental experiment paid off immensely, not just in the self-discovery department, but I finally started building my confidence. Turns out, our low confidence is due to our failure to remember our wins, due to how our brains are wired to remember setbacks more clearly. Trust me, I have a lot to say on this, which is why it has to be an article.
Integration: Where Identity/Self-discovery is the backbone towards growth, Integration is the end goal for healing. It’s the ability to take what you have learned and digest it in such a way that it “overwrites” the faulty programming. This, in turn, leads to actionable behaviors that produce better outcomes.
- Bi-lateral Movement: When we incorporate both the left and right side of our bodies, we are using our left and right brain to do it. EMDR utilizes this one by stimulating the eye movement. More examples are drumming and rhythmic exercises such as dance and Tai Chi, to name a few. Another often overlooked method is writing or drawing from the non-dominant or “opposite hand”. No, you don’t have to become ambidextrous to integrate, but it’s a means of confusing the brain long enough to uncover a new stream of consciousness.
- Bottom-Up Therapies: This refers to the direction of the brain. Whereas “Top Down” is the traditional talk therapy, Bottom-Up Therapies are new and innovative methods for treating trauma that involve using one’s body and/or imagination to either contradict or master how one felt in one’s original trauma. Just ask Bessel Van der Kolk in The Body Keeps the Score. A few examples are: EMDR, Yoga, Neurofeedback, Expressive Arts Therapy.
- Creativity: This is the driver for integration. Taking positive cognitions and working it with our hands incorporates both the left and right side of the brain into wholeness. Trust me on this one, it’s one of the Big Three I swear by (the other two being Bullet Journaling with Reflections x3 Formula & Exercise Therapy, which is a byproduct of Somatic Healing) that, once you understand the basics, no therapist required. Creativity is how we can safely challenge ourselves out of our comfort zone (remember, trauma gets us stuck) without triggering flashbacks that typically occur in day-to-day challenges.
- Expressive Arts Therapy: Trauma has the power to block our creativity, but creativity has the power to break through barriers that were engineered by trauma. Expressive Arts Therapy is beneficial for anyone who feels they aren’t creative at all. It incorporates all of the traditional outlets, such as art therapy, creative writing, music and even performing. It’s designed to help you tap into your unique creative “sweet spot” for processing your trauma and mastering the painful memories.
- Internal Family Systems (IFS): This is one of the most popular types of Parts Therapy (the other popular one is Inner Child Work – see also Critic, for working through it). It was built upon how our core self failed to integrate due to trauma and the painful memories were contained or avoided (Exiles) while two more polarized parts overdeveloped in an attempt to protect us. Managers, which are most noticeable in the Critic and/or Trauma Blocking types of coping mechanisms. Firefighters, the parts that react swiftly, such as when triggered into a Flashback, Hyper-vigilance, or Catastrophizing.
Learned Helplessness:
- Learned Optimism: Martin Seligman not only identified the underlying causes of Learned Helplessness, but also wrote the book on how to solve it: “Learned Helplessness: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life”. Today, many have built off of his work with innovative exercises for incorporating this. Keyword search “Learned Optimism Exercises” in case you’d rather skip on reading the book.
- Resilience Training: This is a byproduct of Learned Optimism. The focus here is learning how to recover from setbacks because setbacks happen to everyone!
- Poised Readiness: This is for noticing opportunities and daring to act upon them. Five components, in order, are necessary, as each one will immediately lead to the next: 1) “It isn’t all me; it’s the situation.” 2) “I’m good enough now.” 3) Set date/time for what you’re enduring will end. 4) Blocked Negativity unlocks Creativity. 5) Acute Awareness = Poised Readiness in the Now. This formula saved my life at age 16 when I pulled myself out of my soul death and suicidal ideation.
- SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-bound. A great strategy worth looking up and practicing.
Looping:
- “What happened next?”: One of the two primary languages in treating trauma. (The other is “Notice that”.) To get oneself out of the loop, it’s important to ask oneself the following: “What happened next? Then what? Then what?” Keep doing this several times until you work your way out of the loop. Your ACG will be humming again.
Negative Noticing:
- Reflections (x3) Journaling: A How-To Guide for Confidence Building: coming soon! See also Identity/Self-discovery, where I go in depth on this one. It’s all in what you are noticing and working on ways to challenge that thinking.
- Positive Feedback Loops (practice of): Active participation in your environment by purposely scanning for positives (e.g., Smiling faces, good deeds, nice appearances). Then find some way to engage with the positive you’re seeing, even if it’s a compliment you deliver in passing. That person’s appreciative response empowers you, which in turn, is known as “closing the feedback loop”.
Paradoxical Breathing:
- Easy fix: Lie on the floor with one or two books on your stomach. The pressure on your stomach combined with your back against the floor forces the stomach to breathe correctly. Slowly inhale and exhale ten times. Each time, notice how your stomach expands on each inhale and goes in each time you exhale. Repeat this daily until your stomach starts doing this on its own.
Shame Spiral:
- Brene Brown: Don’t take my word for it. Ask the shame researcher, herself. Shame thrives in darkness but dies when it’s brought to the light. The key is sharing your shame with someone you trust who will validate you in the process.
- Freestyle Processing: Giving yourself the space to vent it out fully and uninterrupted. Depending on your processing style, write it out or talk it through in a video message (like Marco Polo, for example). Keep talking or writing through the situation which caused the spiral until you can reach some level of validation.
Spiritual Healing: First, you do NOT have to be religious to heal spiritually. In fact, faith in a higher power is only one of the various options. Our beliefs are what drive our thoughts, which drive our feelings, which determine our actions. So spiritual healing, at its core, is about adopting a belief that challenges those that were created by family dysfunction. In so doing, it can act as rocket fuel in one’s healing journey, as new beliefs drive new thoughts and feelings into better outcomes. It can help one make peace and meaning out of life while giving one a higher sense of belonging. There are no therapies, tools, or skills for spiritual healing, but instead a list of suggestions on where to look. Finding spiritual fulfillment depends entirely on the individual.
- Suggested searches: Buddhism; Faith in a higher power; History (from inspiring people to cautionary tales); New Age (Astrology, Numerology, Reiki; Wiccan); One with Nature; Philosophies (so many exist all the way back to the Roman Empire, from Stoicism to Objectivism, it’s up to the individual, what one or more works)
Transference: (for gaining clarity)
- Brain Dump or Mind Mapping: Both are built on the same principle of decluttering the mind while seeing at a glance what’s going on. One is a list and the other involves circle drawing and connecting arrows. Either one you choose, start with the displaced trigger, then add whatever words or images come to mind when you think of that trigger.
- Cognition Sheet: Great tool when you know you’re in a flashback but you’re unsure what you are flashing back to. Whatever negative cognition hits home in the moment, ask yourself “When was the first time I recall feeling this way?”
Window of Tolerance: This is the most essential foundation to establish prior to processing your trauma. It’s well worth your time doing a keyword search on Window of Tolerance because it’s also essential for coping through the daily grind, as both highs and lows are a part of life, itself. Understand that if you’re just beginning your healing journey, it’s perfectly natural if your Window of Tolerance is small. There are ways you can build this up over time.
- Guided Imagery: Visualization using your five senses to create a safe and comforting place in your mind. George Washington, himself was using this one (yes, long before there was a name for it) in the Revolutionary War. The more stressful the war, the more often he wrote letters home to Mount Vernon, requesting for minute details of his home to have somewhere to go in his mind. Guided Imagery is also what’s used in phase 2 of EMDR when you’re building your safe place prior to processing your trauma in phase 3.
- Mindfulness: This is an essential tool for building and maintaining one’s Window of Tolerance. It’s the practice of noticing the thoughts, feelings, and body sensations when 1) you’re developing your self-care practices, as well as 2) when you’re being pushed into hyper/hypo-arousal (outside your Window of Tolerance).
- Self-care: This one can’t be stressed enough. Not only is it key to practicing self-compassion but it’s “preventative maintenance” for fortifying one’s Window of Tolerance. While self-care practices depend entirely on the individual, there are three main components: 1) fun/ freedom-loving activities 2) doing something that brings you personal fulfillment in some way and finally 3) taking the time to consider: What one thing can I do today that will make my life easier tomorrow?
See also Anxiety, Dissociate and Executive Dysfunction, as some tools may also apply.
Resources: (Books list: 8)
- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
- The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van der Kolk
- Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
- Complex-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
- The Complex PTSD Workbook: A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control & Becoming Whole by Arielle Schwartz, PhD
- Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners by Kenneth M. Adams
- Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life by Margalis Fjelstad
- Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson