Healing Benefits of the 4F Trauma Responses

What if I told you that the very trauma responses you’re using now can be used as assets in healing? And what if I told you that through the overreliance of the trauma response, you’ve achieved accidental mastery in some area? That mastery is your gift, your untapped potential that’s waiting to be accessed once you start healing.

Click here for the visual aid that will break it down for you.

There’s no such thing as a bad trauma type. It’s how the gift you’ve developed is being squandered on trauma responding instead of healing from trauma. But like any gift, it can only be accessed once you meet the unique challenges per trauma type. Since establishing clarity is the foundation to problem solving, we will take a look at the problems each trauma type faces, then address the challenges each faces in order to bask in its rewards.

Many terms are referenced from the trauma glossaries. The one term used consistently per trauma type is Critic from Trauma Glossary 2.

Fight Type

As a trauma response: Narcissistic (though not to be confused with NPD) with a mercurial temperament, people cross this type at their own peril. Unlike the other Trauma Types, Fight has no difficulty asserting, though the downside is Fight’s tendency to over-assert to the point of bullying. Fight has lots of anger and is ruled entirely by the Outer Critic.

Fight Type developed out of first, learning the hard way that no one was coming to their rescue. Fight Type got understandably outraged over this injustice, fought their way out of the adverse home and got even more pissed off that they were forced to do it all themselves. This affects Fight Type’s ongoing perspective: anger fuels the over-reliance on themselves, which, in turn, “confirms” their lack of trust in others.

Here’s how it works. People know when a Fight Type is in the room. Shoulders stiffen, guards go up, there’s a general hesitancy before getting close. Fight Types emanate an intimating energy without even trying. That’s due to the underlining anger that the Fight Type wears like a second skin. Fight Type looks angry even when they aren’t and, because the self-reliant Fight Type tends to be blunt with what they want and what they expect, they can easily be mistaken for entitled narcissists.

This type is “traditionally” associated with the golden child, although it’s far more evident in the mini-me* (see last week’s visual aid), who displays the darkest aspects of the Fight Type, itself. Once one considers how the golden child, by comparison, was born with a laid back temperament, it made them more resilient than their “evil twin”, the mini-me.

What’s often taken for granted is the amount of fight that exists in both the scapegoat and the surrogate partner* (see visual aid, if you haven’t already). After all, both types grew up feeling targeted: the scapegoat felt targeted in the home, while the surrogate partner felt targeted by the outer world. Both are hellbent on never feeling that way again.

Therefore, when either is in an emotional flashback while feeling targeted, the hair-triggered fight response is activated (also known as hijacked amygdala: Trauma Glossary 3, -section 1 under Limbic System) and woe to those who pose as a threat! Interestingly enough, while they have this side in common (as either a secondary or even tertiary response), their primary trauma responses tend to be opposite. The scapegoat traditionally associated with Flight type and the surrogate partner associated with Freeze. More on that later…

Fight Type’s Challenge:

1. Process that anger into grief: Hold space for your anger and validate the fact you have plenty of reasons to be outraged. Keep processing the anger until you grieve the injustice of being forced to fight for yourself. Fight Type’s greatest hang-up is the frustration of being strong for too long. In fact, it’s not uncommon for Fight Type to have blocked emotions (Trauma Glossary 2), with grief, itself being difficult to access. But it’s crucial to Fight Type’s healing that they practice being vulnerable. Grieving supplies that and will help them transcend their anger.
   
   
2. Practice listening to and considering others’ perspectives: This is a primer for developing trust in other people. Because relying on oneself is all that Fight Type has ever known, they first need to build a foundation in order to nurture and develop that trust. There’s a tool in Master Toolbox 1 that might be useful; look for dialogical under “(social) Anxiety 2:” Remember, Fight Type, you don’t have to agree, as long as you listen and then take the time to consider an opposing viewpoint.

Healing Benefits:

1. Fight Type is a natural born leader: The very same trauma response that was used as an over-reliance on oneself has instilled confidence in how to navigate others towards the goal. Fight Type had this gift all along. The difference was, as a trauma response, Fight Type wasn’t taking the time to listen or consider others’ view and was therefore, leading via giving orders. However, as a healing Fight Type, people follow Fight Type because they have complete trust in Fight Type’s ability. Fight Type’s willingness to listen to their concerns creates an ongoing mutual respect.
   
   
2. Fight Type is a master of resiliency: The experience from fighting their way out in survival mode is redirected in seeing obstacles more as challenges instead of a threat. Fight Type’s unwillingness to go down without a fight serves them well as they heal. Of the four trauma types, Fight Type will be first to recover from setbacks.
   
   
3. Fight Type is an excellent teacher in support groups: Fight Type has the ability to acknowledge specific behaviors that have been narcissistic and course correct. The other trauma types are in awe of Fight Type’s ability to 1) own up fully without 2) suffering a massive shame spiral (Trauma Glossary 2) in the process of doing so. (Like I said, Fight Type knows how to recover!) The healing Fight Type continues to teach others the importance of learning how to validate themselves in order to practice asserting and setting boundaries.

Flight:

As a trauma response: Perpetual motion, the busy-holic who’s always rushing to stay one step ahead of the pain of the past. All thinking and doing but never simply Being. Of the four Trauma Types, Flight is the only one that’s driven by equal parts inner and outer critic. A far cry from balanced, Flight’s drive for perfectionism is what lies in the core of Flight’s problems.

Flight Type develops out of believing they are a step or two behind everyone else and it’s because of something they lack. Whatever it is, they overcompensate through their actions. If Flight Type believes they’re lazy, they will overwork themselves; if they believe they’re stupid or not smart enough, they can easily develop a mental processing addiction (Trauma Glossary 2).

Flight Type is on a quest for self-improvement; but self-improvement thinking is a trap where child development trauma is concerned. Due to the low confidence, self-esteem and weak sense of identity, there’s “insufficient data” in place for telling Flight Type when they are finally good enough.

What Flight Type lacks in inner identity, they make up for in an outer-directed identity. What can only be described as Peer Pressure for Grown-ups, Flight Type get laurels thrown at them for simply working themselves to death. Flight Type is attempting to earn their right to love themselves vicariously through knowledge seeking and achieving. Yet, like the proverbial carrot on a stick, they never quite know enough; they never quite achieve enough. Their weak foundation for self-acceptance is often plagued by impostor syndrome (Trauma Glossary 2). This is because self-love begins within and not the other way around.

This type is traditionally associated with the scapegoat. As nothing the scapegoat ever did was good enough for the tyrant, so nothing the scapegoat does is good enough for themselves. The scapegoat would be surprised to discover that their “traditional rival” the golden child, also struggles with flight as a trauma response. The golden child’s attempt to understand themselves so that they can love themselves, often clashes with the very childhood programming that caused them to lose parts of themselves in the first place.

The parentified child can also have flight as either a secondary or tertiary response. In which case, the extreme self-abandonment (Trauma Glossary 2) programming comes out in the form of “social perfection”. The parentified child’s gift of reading the room is a finely tuned instrument. One could even say it’s almost like a sixth sense. This is due to the years of “training” under the tyrant, where the parentified child’s survival hinged on anticipating unspoken needs and acting accordingly.

Flight Type’s Challenge:

1. Practice self-acceptance: This has to be the first step, otherwise Flight Type will see taking a time-out as a waste of time. Until Flight learns to accept that they’re good enough as they are, then Flight’s best will never be good enough for Flight. Read that again, because it’s the core issue. The most important thought corrections for Flight Type is “I am good enough as I am” and “I did/do my best.” Whether these are mantras you practice daily or -since you’re addicted to doing – finding an activity that can help you feel this way in the moment, will lay the foundation for building your self-esteem.
   
   
2. Stop and be present: Flight Type is in desperate need for a time-out. Flight Type is in such a mad rush to accomplish things, that in the process, their whole lives are passing them by in a blur. Check in, notice and practice gratitude for the now. Take the time to calmly review and reflect on the day. Dare to be proud of one thing you’ve done.
   
   
3. Process the anxiety into grief: It isn’t uncommon for Flight Type to have high functioning anxiety (Trauma Glossary 2), having coped with it their whole life. Flight Type will be shocked to discover that the very thing they had been outrunning was grief. This is uncomfortable for Flight, because movement and energy is more comfortable than inertia. Grieving tends to drain energy and exhaust the body. That’s what makes this emotional process that much more important.
   
   
4. Suggested Tools: In Master Toolbox 2 (under section 1 -prefrontal cortex) tools for both the Watchtower and Timekeeper would be useful. Tuning into the emotions and body sensations, as well as improving one’s perception of time itself is key. Also (under section 3) tools for Dopamine will be beneficial.

Healing Benefits:

1. Flight has reached a level of expertise: Everyone else has known this all along. Flight is simply the last person to figure this out. As soon as Flight learns to let go of perfectionism, the ultimate source of enlightenment finally digests in their psyche. Flight’s trauma response was overcompensating for whatever it was they believed they lacked. Now as healing Flight Type, they see that they far surpassed the original goal.
   
   
2. Flight masters the hustle: When Flight’s energy was used as a trauma response, it was fueled by panic and workaholism. Healing Flight Type learns the difference between between staying busy and staying productive. Who would have thought that giving oneself permission to take breaks and have a life outside one’s work would actually make one more productive than ever? Flight develops resiliency based on the experience they gained from their trauma response. They are now more confident in their ability to meet challenges and recover from mistakes.
   
   
3. Flight is endurance personified: Flight can outlast all the other trauma types. When it was used as a trauma response, of course, Flight went too far and didn’t know when to quit. That’s because they kept losing their sense of direction. Healing Flight, however, stays mindful of the end goal and manages to course correct when they start losing direction.

Freeze:

As a trauma response: The classic couch potato, the one who “checks out” to escape reality. All is a lost cause anyway, so why bother trying? – so Freeze believes. Depression and self-defeatist thinking fuels Freeze’s urge to dissociate (Trauma Glossary 2), which further “confirms” how hopeless everything is. Freeze is so preoccupied with trying to forget the laundry list of things they can’t do, that they forget to notice the one or two things that they can do.

Like Fight, Freeze is ruled entirely by the Outer Critic, but that’s where the similarity ends. Fight responds defensively to its threatening world, while Freeze, who also sees the world as a threat, has simply given up. Freeze also shares a core trait with Flight, in that both are “the escape artists” of the trauma types. Flight does so by staying busy, while Freeze does so checking out.

This type is traditionally associated with the lost child. The lost child’s years of surviving by making themselves invisible has given them a depleted sense of self. It’s as though their identity has become invisible even to themselves. This is why, on the rare occasion the lost child experiences being fully present in their own body, they find it both uncomfortable and confusing. Unlike the golden child, who’s fully aware of the missing parts of their identity, the lost child feels like a blank slate by comparison. The lost child lacks the golden child’s drive to discover who they are or what they want.

The Freeze Type is also associated with the surrogate partner. Like the lost child, the surrogate partner isolates from the cruel and chaotic world but does so with a full-throttle resentment. The surrogate partner jealously guards their personal space and will react venomously to anyone who threatens their shell. The surrogate partner is the classic Freeze and Fight hybrid, which is outer-directed critic x2! This, alone, makes the surrogate partner a difficult shell to crack, though not impossible.

What’s often taken for granted are those who wished for the lost child role but, because the house tyrant determined which role their children played, it was denied them. The scapegoat and parentified child, especially, craved flying under the tyrant’s radar and often put in valiant efforts to quietly hide in their room. However, such moments, while very precious, were also short-lived. After all, someone had to take the blame for whatever it was that was going wrong for the tyrant. And someone in that house was expected to “help out” which, in tyrant language, means taking over responsibilities.

It’s for this reason, it’s not uncommon for both the scapegoat and parentified child to have Freeze as either secondary or tertiary type. It’s as though this particular trauma response has developed into their adult lives as their rebellious side. It should give them more satisfaction in itself, though this is rarely the case. Both tend to suffer remorse while pulling themselves out of a Freeze response. The scapegoat lamenting over “so much to do has been left undone” which is usually topped off by calling themselves lazy. The parentified child feels neglectful, selfish and greedy after taking a timeout for oneself.

Freeze Type’s Challenge:

1. Process your greatest fears: Often overlooked with Freeze Type is that their isolation and dissociating habits originally developed in response to fear. Freeze Type experienced fear and, unable to respond with fight or flight, they promptly gave up. Now it’s time to confront what happened when you felt helpless. Remind yourself that you are now safe.
   
   
2. Process your depression into anger: Grieve over the helplessness and the faulty programming that caused you to believe that no one cared and there was nothing you could do about it. Get outraged over that injustice and then think of one thing you can do today that can validate your right to take up space.
   
   
3. Movement is key: Get active! Whether it’s 20 minutes of exercise a day, going for a walk or tidying up the house, be present for yourself. Notice your surroundings and how you feel in your body while you’re moving.
   
   
4. Suggested Tools: In Master Toolbox 1 there are lots of tools that can help: Depression, Dissociation, Executive Dysfunction, Learned Helplessness and Negative Noticing.

Healing Benefits:

1. Freeze has the calmest nervous system: The years of experience Freeze has gained from being chill has created a nervous system more calm than the other Trauma Types.
   
   
2. Freeze is the laid-back realist: This serves Freeze well, as their unambitious years ground them towards making realistic progress. The more Freeze practices actionable behaviors that challenge their self-defeatist beliefs, the more Freeze learns that they, too, have a place in this world.
   
   
3. Freeze is deeply spiritual: Not necessarily in the religious sense. Contrary to popular belief, Freeze wasn’t always checking out into la-la land when it was used as a trauma response. Freeze is surprisingly wise due to the philosophical thinking that was going on when everyone else thought Freeze was just daydreaming.

Fawn:

As a trauma response: This one’s programming has been hard-wired for people-pleasing. There is no outer directed critic for Fawn. In fact, of the 4F Trauma Types, this is the only one ruled entirely by the vicious inner critic. Fawn has the most difficultly asserting oneself, partly from believing one is “too weak” but mostly due to one’s false assumption that they are wrong in every situation. This is why Fawn has a habit of over-apologizing to the point of groveling. Fawn wears shame like a second skin, which is why self-abandonment (Trauma Glossary 2) is used as a means of overcompensating.

This is traditionally associated with the parentified child. As they were often overwhelmed by obligations, so the parentified child gets stuck in over-compliance. An interesting conundrum to the parentified child is their hard-wired programming of cognitive dissonance (Trauma Glossary 1). The parentified child sees themselves as a pushover, while simultaneously believing that they have a super-power for suffering. The parentified child actually believes that they can handle disappointments and setbacks better than everyone else. It’s this hard-wired programming which drives the parentified child into self-abandonment.

Anyone who has read Pete Walker’s Complex-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving knows that the golden child, scapegoat and lost child are all likely to have Fawn as a secondary or tertiary response. Even the surrogate partner, who’s fawn side won’t be evident to anyone, apart from the tyrant, suffers self-abandonment and painful shame spirals (Trauma Glossary 2) when triggered. As the tyrant repeatedly took offense over minor or imagined slights and responded abusively, so the tyrant’s children get stuck on abusing themselves over minor offenses.

However, for the lost child, particularly if Fawn is their secondary response (and conversely, if the parentified child identifies with Freeze as their secondary response) the Fawn-Freeze hybrid becomes the most passive trauma response there is. While repetition compulsion (Trauma Glossary 2) runs as rampant as the plague in the CPTSD community, the Freeze-Fawn hybrid is most vulnerable to attracting abusive partners.

There are those in my group who identify with the Fawn-Freeze hybrid and have chosen to seclude themselves, even sworn off dating. They fill their days with singular activities and live a quiet existence. Their dormant need for human connection is nourished through multiple support groups for victims of Cluster B abuse. These beautifully gentle souls have given up on anyone outside “traumatized crowd” understanding, much less, validating them.

Fawn Type’s Challenge:

1. Validate! Validate! Validate Yourself: Fawn’s greatest challenge is learning to validate their perspective and hold their ground. The greatest tool is imagining someone else being in their shoes and what advice would they give that person.
   
   
2. Suggested Tools: In Master Toolbox 1 (social) anxiety 2; critic; identity/self-discovery; Learned Helplessness; also scrolling all the way down to Resources could be beneficial.
   
   
3. Allow space for anger: I know Fawns have plenty of anger because I’ve seen them get outraged over the injustices that happened to other people in my group. Fawn just needs to practice getting outraged over their own injustices and then dare to express it. Expressing anger is key to waking up Fawn’s dormant fight. Bonus if it’s righteous anger, considering how that’s rocket fuel for validation and asserting oneself.

Healing Benefits:

1. Fawn is a master of empathy and tact: Fawn knows how to word an argument far less offensively than the other types. This is due to the experience gained when it was used as a trauma response. As a healing Fawn, this trauma response develops into diplomacy.
   
   
2. Fawn has a clear eye for fairness: As Fawn learns to give equal consideration for their own needs, those years of experience in understanding other people’s perspectives starts to pay off.
   
   
3. Fawn becomes a master of compromise: The more Fawn practices the art of give and take equality, the better equipped Fawn is for meeting one in the middle. This is because Fawn has always been a great listener. When it was a trauma response, it was to their detriment, but as a healing Fawn, it’s transformed into a major strength.