We are continuing our series on the different cluster B personality disorders. Last week we covered narcissistic personality disorder (here) in not one, but two articles. This week we are covering histrionic personality disorder. So, we’re going from the most famous of the cluster Bs to the one we don’t hear much about.
At first glance, the histrionic appears to be very similar to the narcissist. They seem like the theatrical, provocative version of the narcissist. Add to it how last week when we talked about the comorbid narcissist, the somatic one is the narcissist blended with histrionic. The difference is, while the narcissist’s keyword is fantasy image, the histrionic’s keyword is “everything superficial”. If you remember that everything is superficial for the histrionic, all of their criteria will make sense.
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Don’t Panic!
Before we get into histrionic personality disorder, we have to start with the don’t panic warnings. What should we “not panic” about where histrionic is concerned? Well, it’s certain environments that are going to manufacture this “peer pressure” to act a certain way, dress a certain way, and look a certain way. For example, in the entertainment industry there’s high pressure to always look good and youthful and be a star. Also of course, there’s the teenage hierarchy in a high school setting.
I can offer myself as an example just to assure parents out there if you’re worried about your child being overly vain. Hey, I used to spend three hours getting ready for school and it was not because I was hungry for attention. It was a fear of not being good enough for the high school hierarchy. So, the first thing we want to ask when we’re questioning if this is the disorder or if this is the result of a high pressure environment that’s manufacturing this superficial mindset.
Finally, always remember that there is hope for anyone who is willing to practice personal accountability and self-awareness. However, no personal accountability, no self-awareness, there is no hope.
The following terms mentioned in this article are in Trauma Glossary 1 (here).
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- Borderland
- Cluster B Personality Disorders
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- Primary Supply Person
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- Projection
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- Trauma Bond
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- Word Salad
The Criteria for Histrionic Personality Disorder
Now moving towards the eight criteria for histrionic personality disorder, remember that all the cluster Bs have an excessive need for something specific from other people but that need will never be fulfilled. So, while the narcissist has an excessive need for admiration, check out histrionic’s criteria 1.
Criteria 1: Has an excessive need to be the center of attention.
Now here it gets confusing because it’s like: How is this different from narcissism? The difference is, the histrionic wants attention for attention’s sake. It doesn’t have to be admiration as long as all eyes are on them and they are noticed by everyone in the room. It’s this need to be seen and heard gone terribly awry and terribly extreme. Some examples are walking down the street and saying hello to literally every single person, or going as far as hugging every single person in the room. You’ll see a histrionic often looking around the room to see who’s looking at them. Even in a group setting, the histrionic will say or do weird or shocking things just to get that attention – all eyes looking at them. It isn’t about the admiration that you see the narcissist craving. For the histrionic it’s more about, “I’m going to say or do whatever to get everyone to look at me. Pay attention to me.” Anything to be the center of attention.
A lot of times we think of the histrionic as that life of the party kind of person. We hear that a lot with histrionics but they will also act out in ways that can be embarrassing to those who are in the histrionic’s company. And here again it’s all about being the center of attention, not really caring about the narcissistic supply that the narcissist is looking for. It’s more about the histrionic getting all eyes on them, even if that means embarrassing themselves and others to do it. You will see how they are going to great lengths to be the center of attention just in the next two criteria.
Criteria 2: Is often inappropriately provocative or sexually seductive.
So, they’re going to be very sexual because here again, everything superficial and an excessive need to be the center of attention. For the histrionic, dressing provocatively is an easy means of being seen and noticed. They want to be seen as sexy and beguiling. That’s why the histrionic does it.
Criteria 3: Uses physical appearance to gain attention from others.
So, this one is two parts. First, the histrionic very much cares about their appearance. They tend to spend lots of time in the mirror making themselves out to be as perfectly groomed as possible. That’s because to them, their appearance is the most important thing. The other thing about using their appearance to get attention is this – and it’s a slight variant of the histrionic dressing provocatively. Let’s use a hypothetical example. Say there’s a black-and-white ball, so everyone wears black and white clothing. The histrionic might be more inclined to wear red to a black-and-white ball purely for the sake of standing out, being noticed. It’s one more means of being the center of attention because – say it with me – everything is superficial in Histrionic Land.
Criteria 4: Speech is impressionistic and lacks detail.
Here you go. We keep seeing it – the superficiality in Histrionic Land. Basically they pull out cliches and also word salad. They will say things like, “I champion for the underdogs” and they can’t give you examples, much less any detail – or – “I give to the unfortunate”. Another cliche – all gravy statements without any meat and potatoes. So, cliches, impressionistic, lacking detail, and also lacking substance in general on what they’re talking about.
Criteria 5: Is highly suggestible.
Here again, when we consider the keyword for histrionic is “everything superficial” this one makes sense. They have this childlike gullibility and it goes back to “everything superficial”, everything surface level for the histrionic and therefore they take others at face value without using wisdom or discernment. It’s being easily manipulated and easily influenced. It’s like they got stuck in the teenage mentality years. In a lot of ways, that is what’s going on with the histrionic.
Now for the last three and I saved these for last because you’re going to see the shift from histrionics appearing to be narcissists to appearing to have borderline traits.
Criteria 6: Expresses shallow, rapidly shifting emotions.
If we didn’t know any better, if we didn’t fully understand what the criteria is talking about here – the rapidly shifting emotions remind us of borderline personality disorder because isn’t that something they do as well? Well, the way the histrionics do it – and it all comes back to the keyword “everything superficial” – is understanding the first half of this criteria. “Shallow rapidly shifting emotions.” So, they’ll hear about somebody’s bad day for example and they will turn it on theatrically, maybe even pout their bottom lip. They’re talking to you and mirroring your feelings in some way that shows they care – until they get a social media notification or someone new comes into the room. They’ve got to go get their attention and turn on a new emotional expression for someone else. So, it’s the theatrical shifting of emotions instead of the emotion dysregulation.
Criteria 7: Is dramatic, theatrical and displays emotions in an exaggerated fashion.
Here again if we didn’t know any better we’d be like, “Well borderlines have these extreme emotions too, right?” Well the difference is that borderlines are dramatic with their emotions while the histrionics are theatrical. So, with the histrionic, it’s more about turning it on because it’s a performance as opposed to the irrational and yet quite real displays of feelings that we see in borderlines.
Criteria 8: Overestimates the intimacy of relationships.
In my opinion this is the one they have the most in common with borderline personality disorder. It’s only slightly different in Histrionic Land than in Borderland. It sounds familiar because of the idealization and devaluation that occurs in borderline personality disorder – especially the idealization phase with their so-called “favorite person” (Primary Supply Person) of the moment.
So, how does this work here in Histrionic Land? Well for histrionics, this is where that childlike gullibility comes back into play. They overestimate the casual acquaintances, or even a first time meeting with someone – that just so happened to have good rapport – into building strong friendships, becoming best friends, or even believing that this person is flirting or wants them in some way. For the histrionic, it’s like the simplicity of a child meets the superficiality of the adult. Whereas the borderline is coming from the abandonment issues of trying to latch on to someone and make them their person.
BPD vs. HPD: Too Much vs. Not Enough Within
Where the borderlines are concerned, you can sense it – that there’s too much going on. It’s the big emotions and the emotion dysregulation that we’re sensing with this too much going on inside them. With the histrionic, there’s not enough. They lack true depth in general. It’s basically the closest you’ll come to meeting an actual walking, talking cardboard character in real life. Histrionics lead with their appearance and a performance of some sort, whether it’s childlike gushing over meeting someone new or assuming a different mask for someone else. It’s all about “Look at me look at everything you see on the surface because there isn’t much depth underneath”.
Even with that somatic narcissist that I dated way back in the day – him being narcissistic and histrionic, I sensed that. Of course I had to take off my love goggles first. AKA: free myself from the trauma bond. But once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it. There was that sense of “Where is your depth? Oh my God, it’s like there’s nothing underneath the surface!” It all goes back to the histrionic, where everything is superficial.
HPD in the Cluster B Continuum
Of the 10 traits that all cluster Bs have, we only need to scrutinize two of them.
Histrionic Jealousy
If you’re in the company of a histrionic and you start getting more attention than them, they will either act:
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- Sullen and sarcastic about it.
- Go over the top cheering for you. This is a covert means of getting the eyes back on them by pretending to be the world’s best wingman or lady-in-waiting – depending on gender or gender preference of the histrionic.
- Will act out in any number of erratic or impulsive ways because attention is attention and they are junkies for it.
It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad attention as long as all eyes are on them. Even if they get in trouble for whatever they do, it all comes back to “Well at least all eyes are on me” thinking. And the histrionic will also turn on the histrionics for having a consequence.
How Histrionics Project
The last and most important tell is how the histrionic projects compared to the others in the cluster B continuum. Don’t get me wrong. Histrionics will project their self-confessions onto you just as much as the other cluster Bs. But in the histrionic’s projection, they are also revealing their sweeping, superficial generalizations on everyone else. In Histrionic Land, they have no depth and so, they can’t imagine others having it either. You’re going to see it and I’ve got a great example for you. My somatic ex-boyfriend he was equal parts narcissistic and histrionic, and this lecture he insisted on giving me was his histrionic side coming out 100%.
My Real Life Example with the Somatic Ex
He wanted to isolate me from all my friends because – according to him – he had it all figured out. It made so much sense to him that he was talking to me real slow like he thought I was an idiot for not seeing it too. He was pointing his finger and saying, “Your…friends…Your! Friends!” Then he proceeded to explain this to me.
The only reason my friends wanted anything to do with me was – according according to him – everybody around me had a sexual motive and somehow, I was the dead center of this sexual conspiracy. My girlfriend was a “w****” – according to him – and she only wanted me to be in her life so that we could go out together and I could help her look good by association so that she could find more men to sleep with. My guy friends wanted the same thing because I made them look good and just because they happen to be men – zero evidence of course – they all wanted me too.
Every single thing that was coming out of his mouth was a sexual motive projected onto every person in my life. He actually mistook my wide-eyed expression for believing him. Nah man! I was thinking, “Who in the heck sees the world in that kind of way?” It goes back to the criteria for histrionic – especially that being sexually provocative and the need to be the center of attention. So, it’s very interesting that he was actually seeing the world in this extremely shallow, sexual way. Why? Because that was how he thought. That was all that motivated him.
Next week we will talk about what kind of histrionic do you get when they’re comorbid with another disorder. The Appeasing versus the Disingenuous histrionic.