We are back with part two on histrionic personality disorder (HPD). In part one, we went through the 8 criteria for histrionic personality disorder and examples of what each means. (Here) Then I received not one, but two comments on YouTube, and this really opened my eyes. Check this out – because I got their permission to share them here.
I think a lot of men have this as well, much more than I realized before you explained this so well in this video. This sounds like a lot of boys from highschool on certain points. I’m wondering now if more girls are the narcissists and that more men than we realize have it. Really interesting video, thank you for sharing this because you don’t hear a lot about this one and I’m sure there are a ton of this personality type effecting us.
Tiffanyfree on my YouTube video
I had a flashback of my X husband. He had to be the center of attention. He was not gay, but we were at a party and there was at least 75 men sitting in the garage, and he stood in the middle of the garage and all eyes were on him while he proclaimed what he like to do to men. (I’m just trying to keep it PG) I was so embarrassed and everyone was laughing. Except me. We were at the house of my childhood friends. We were like family. He knew this. So yes. Men can be HPD.
Sandragray on my YouTube video
Too busy to read the rest of the article? Listen to it on my podcast (here) available on all listening platforms. Or my YouTube channel if you want to see the woman behind this site (here) speaking on this topic.
Fresh Insights on Why We Don’t Hear About HPD
You know how you have one of those moments where you’re not really thinking about what’s right in front of your face the whole time until someone points it out? Well, I had one of those moments when the two comments came in. It made me realize what’s been going on why do we not hear about histrionic personality disorder very much. It’s because there’s this gender stereotyping that’s been happening. It’s been seen as a “woman only” disorder.
I have a second theory as per why. Stay with me now – I’m speculating here as per why we don’t hear about people being diagnosed with it very often. Well, look at the criteria. Histrionics have five traits that are eerily similar to narcissists and three traits that are eerily similar to borderlines. And NPD and BPD also happen to be the two we do hear about most often. So, what if what’s really going on is, some of these histrionics are being misdiagnosed as either narcissist or borderline? It’s worth thinking about at any rate.
Before I get on my own high horse about this, I have to admit something now. I may have accidentally contributed to the gender stereotype because in Trauma Glossary 1, who the abusers are and what they do, I defined histrionic personality disorder. One of the things I said was, “the stereotype of the high school queen who never matured post-high school.” I shouldn’t have said queen bee because we think of a queen bee, we think of a certain gender, right? So, apologies for that and it was one of those moments where I’m learning from other people’s insights.
A Brief Recap on What HPD means
Soapbox over. What we’ve learned so far is that the keyword for the histrionic is “everything superficial” and that you can sense it when you’re around them – this lack of depth, not enough within because everything is superficial. And just like all cluster Bs who have an excessive need for something specific from other people and that need will never be fulfilled because they are junkies for it, histrionics have an excessive need to be the center of attention.
The following terms mentioned in this article are in Trauma Glossary 2 (here).
- Co-dependency
- Coercive Control
- Self-abandonment
- Shame Spiral
HPD Comorbidities
It should come as no surprise that it being the least diagnosed and the least we hear about, that there are only two known comorbidities. Now does that mean they are the only possible comorbidities? No, it simply means more research and more understanding is needed. After all, anyone who watched the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial knows that Amber Heard is a dual diagnosis of borderline and histrionic. So, moving on to the comorbidities that have been researched, we have another opposite commonality; both the appeasing and disingenuous histrionic.
They appear to be polar opposites but they are still histrionic – meaning, they still meet the criteria for histrionic personality disorder that was discussed in last week’s article. They simply have another personality disorder blended with histrionic.
So, the appeasing is comorbid with dependent personality disorder, which is cluster C, not cluster B. Meanwhile disingenuous is comorbid with antisocial personality disorder, which is a cluster B and that’s synonymous with psychopath, sociopath. The appeasing histrionic has an excessive need for praise and the disingenuous histrionic has an excessive need for excitement and stimulation. Appeasing is the people-pleaser while the disingenuous is the deceitful schemer. The appeasing histrionic is aware of their lack of self esteem while the disingenuous says IDGAF as in “I don’t give a f***”.
Appeasing Histrionic
Let’s start with the appeasing histrionic because just like the covert narcissist at first glance, the appeasing histrionic seems to be so nice. The reason this histrionic appears to be more tame and rational is because of the comorbidity with dependent personality disorder, which is part of the cluster C group. There are three groups – or clusters – of personality disorders. Cluster A, cluster B, and cluster C. Psychology students are taught to remember them as mad, bad, sad. Cluster A is mad, cluster B is bad – big surprise – and cluster C is sad because they have fear based disorders.
Don’t Panic Warning!
Here is where I need to give the don’t panic warnings, particularly to my complex-PTSD community. Because there is nothing worse than someone who has an overkill of personal accountability and a willingness to practice self-awareness choosing to self-diagnose as something other than complex-PTSD. In the complex-PTSD community, we tend to self-diagnose as one of the cluster C’s until we learn what it means to have complex-PTSD.
Dependent personality disorder and codependency both share low self-esteem and chronic self-doubt. That’s also where the similarity ends. Dependent personality disorder has an excessive need for others to take care of them and they can’t stand being alone. Whereas codependency is a trauma response that is induced by either childhood trauma of being raised by a cluster B personality disorder or enduring a coercive control relationship with one of them.
Self-Abandonment in Complex-PTSD vs. Appeasing HPD
While people-pleasing, also known as self-abandonment is one of the most common and troublesome symptoms of complex-PTSD, self-abandonment is the result of childhood trauma and childhood programming. Not being allowed to have boundaries, and also all that projection and scapegoating that our cluster B parents threw on us. Well, it gave us the perpetual villain mentality. So, when the shame spiral happens, which is very painful, we must rescue ourselves from that pain by self-abandonment. Self-sacrificing by appeasing others and avoiding conflict.
On the other hand, the appeasing histrionic wants to be seen as the rescuer. If there’s a problem – real or imagined – here comes the appeasing histrionic with their imaginary cape, here to save the day. And it’s all to get the praise from everyone seeing them.
Some Examples of HPD Appeasing
So, the appeasing histrionic is going to be extremely outgoing and friendly, but on a superficial level. And here we come back to “everything superficial”. Remember they still meet the criteria for histrionic personality disorder. So, what they’re looking for is to be the center of attention as far as being seen as a good person. Let’s look at some examples of the appeasing histrionic.
Say they have a friend who is introverted and doesn’t like going to crowded places. The appeasing histrionic will put on their imaginary cape and push that friend hard into going out with them and always to crowded places so that the appeasing histrionic can be seen by all of course. Introversion doesn’t compute for this histrionic. They are on a mission to “rescue their introverted friend from being a hermit“. This is the histrionic’s excessive need to be the center of attention projected onto their introverted friend. It’s the classic “I know what you need and what you’re feeling better than you do” mentality that all the cluster Bs have. This is just the histrionic version of that thinking being manifested.
HPD Euphoria
They can get easily swept up into a cause because of being easily suggestible, which is one of the criteria from last week. Getting swept up into a cause and whatever the cause is, they can get this euphoric moment like, “Oh my God, I am such a great person for doing this!” AKA: the histrionic turning on the histrionics, the euphoric version for being such a great person and participating in whatever cause it is. And yes, looking for praise from others the whole time as well.
HPD finding a “niche” in the church
It’s also entirely possible for the appeasing histrionic to find a specific niche to become the center of attention – much in the same way that we see some narcissists finding a niche for narcissistic supply, like the spiritual or cerebral narcissist for example. We could have an appeasing histrionic who has joined the church and is an extremely active member. But what’s coming out of their mouth is, instead of being a good person or having a good attitude, they will say “being a good Christian” and “having a good Christian attitude”. It’s like they’re using the Bible as a manual on how to be a good person because it doesn’t come naturally.
It’s all this “look at me being a good Christian” and yet their compassion for others is very superficial. They will also have an exaggerated emotional reaction to certain events. For example, if they choose the spiritual niche for getting that “everybody look at me and what a great person I am” in the church and they find out about someone’s sins, they may go over the top with shock and possibly judgment. I nicknamed such people the pearl clutchers from the old saying of someone “clutching their pearls” in judgmental bafflement -which by the way, is a nickname I use interchangeably for both genders.
Appeasing HPD example in fiction
The appeasing histrionic cares more about looking good – “What would the neighbors think of me?” – than actually being good. The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy is a great example of an appeasing histrionic mother. In the book there was a graphic scene. Three men break into the home and sexually assault the whole family. After the event, the mother decides that they are going to clean up the mess and never report it or talk about it again. Her reason was “because we can’t let things out, we can’t let others know” because appearances were more important to her than helping her children work through a highly traumatic event. And her behaviors in the story itself are classic appeasing histrionic.
Disingenuous Histrionic (Malignant)
Now let’s move towards the disingenuous histrionic – or better put, the malignant histrionic. If you recall that the histrionic has traits that appear eerily similar to narcissistic personality disorder and that two weeks ago (here) when we covered the comorbid narcissist, there is a narcissist that we know as malignant. Because they are comorbid with antisocial personality disorder.
So, if you have a somatic narcissist – which is narcissistic personality disorder plus histrionic – and they meet just enough criteria of antisocial personality disorder to also qualify for that – remember 5 is the magic number – and then you compare the malignant histrionic to the malignant narcissist, it looks like a game of diagnosis whack-a-mole. That’s because the somatic will sometimes behave as a malignant narcissist and other times behave like the malignant histrionic.
Comparing Malignant HPD to Malignant NPD
Both are unscrupulous, deceitful, scheming, and looking for ways to take advantage of others just to get what they want.
For the malignant narcissist, their feelings of entitlement are enhanced when they’re blended with psychopath, sociopath. So, they believe ordinary rules that apply to others don’t apply to them. The malignant narcissist also tends to be highly vindictive and is domineering in relationships, exercising high levels of control. Whereas for the histrionic, their superficiality is being enhanced. They lead with this superficial veneer of charm, superficial friendliness, and of course, seductiveness. And so, they’re great at first impressions, making initial acquaintances, and getting dates but they don’t last. It’s a revolving door because they can’t maintain a deep connection with anyone.
The malignant histrionic is highly impulsive. Don’t get me wrong. All the cluster Bs have poor impulse control and don’t think about consequences. However, the malignant histrionic takes the poor impulse control to a whole new level. They’re constantly seeking excitement and stimulation and so, it is not uncommon to see the malignant histrionic abusing drugs or alcohol, reckless driving, or even picking fights. That sort of thing. Anything that could be exciting and stimulating, they want this.
The malignant histrionic is also more irresponsible than the malignant narcissist in regards to work, financial obligations, or even family responsibilities. It’s like the malignant histrionic just wants to party all the time and live recklessly. Another thing about the malignant histrionic that’s different from the malignant narcissist is that this one tries to put up the guise of caring for others but underneath, they are actually egocentric and quite insincere.
Why We Don’t Have to Limit HPD into One Type
Now just like I said two weeks ago on the comorbid narcissist, the same applies to the comorbid histrionic. Be it the pure histrionic – where they are not comorbid with another disorder – or if they’re appeasing or malignant. Sometimes they will act appeasing and other times in other situations, you might see the malignant histrionic coming out. I have a great example for you.
I had a friend way back in the day. There were two sides to this friend. When she was in a relationship, she was extremely loyal and appeasing to her partner. When she was single, she went through an alarming number of partners and I am not exaggerating when I tell you that she had two to three partners on average a week when she was single. So, you’re seeing the flip-flop in the criteria for malignant versus appeasing.
Now check this out. She also had two sides for her girlfriends and the man population. She was highly appeasing with her girlfriends, acting like she really cared about us but – hindsight 20/20 – it was really more about control. We always all ended up doing what she wanted and it was always going to a bar. Some bar where she could be the center of attention and us acting as her ladies-in-waiting. So, more center of attention and acting as a leader of our group. “Win-win!” Then she would shamelessly brag about deceiving and taking advantage of different men. “Oh, I lied to this man and got that man to give me this.” That sort of thing. So, once again this little flip-flop of what’s going on.
Final Thoughts on HPD
I can honestly say that while histrionics lack depth, they more than make up for it with their energy. They have lots of energy. Being in the company of a histrionic is like riding on the passenger side of an unsafe driver. Not necessarily reckless, but they make you scared enough to press one foot against the floorboard as your imaginary brake pedal. That’s what it’s like being out with a histrionic because you’re always tense, constantly on edge, because you never know what the histrionic is going to do next just to get some eyes on them. Doing something obnoxious, pushing through people in a crowd and not caring if they’re starting a fight. It’s all about getting all eyes on them.
I’m going to tell you one more thing. Histrionics do not take kindly to aging. I know there’s a lot of talk on the internet about the aging narcissist and the narcissistic collapse because they have aged. They’ve lost hope of getting more supply because they can’t charm people with their looks anymore. But I’ve also talked about how the internet is taking the red flags from other disorders and rebranding them as narcissists. So, for the histrionic who has lived their life in superficiality, their appearances being everything to them – and I’m certainly not implying that the narcissist embraces old age. Not by any stretch of the imagination. All I am saying is, don’t you think we also need a name for the aging histrionic? But that’s the purpose of this series, exploring each cluster B personality disorder. Because narcissists are not the only ones who are dangerous.