As if those who victim shame in your personal life aren’t enough, the world wide web has blown the doors wide open. The very thing that happened in childhood adversity is being played out on a grand scale. Once again, the abusers have assumed control. This time, it’s across social media.
They flood the comments with attacks against anyone who dares to advocate for victims of cluster B abuse – and woe to any victim who dares to speak up for the advocate in question! Incredibly, those very same people are also getting away with mass reporting (miss-reporting!) the advocates. The old bully, tattle and silence the voices approach. Anyone else having de’-ja vu?
Welcome to Childhood Adversity: The Sequel
Triangulation (Trauma Glossary 1) has ensued among the victims, themselves like a scene inside a terrible dystopian novel. Adult survivors of child abuse are censored on behalf of the abusers, while the abusers virtue signal on a pedestal of political correctness.
How did we get here, you may ask? Someone decided it would be a great idea to broaden the definition of mental illness and make it all inclusive. I’m sure this was originally paved with good intentions but as the cliché goes, so is the road to disaster.
I have been watching this development since 2013 and even then, I was late to the party. I knew at the time that the flood of what can only be described as a sympathy campaign for one Cluster B Personality Disorder (Trauma Glossary 1) would eventually lead to the same for the other three.
Internet Gaslighters:
(weapon of choice: over-generalized information disguised as facts from so-called “leading experts”)
These are bloggers and vloggers who minimize the pain of the victims while magnifying the “pain” of the abusers. Instead of raising awareness on Cluster B abuse, which could have validated many child abuse survivors against the onslaught of the community shamers (last week’s article), the internet gaslighters have chosen, instead, to write sympathetic articles on Cluster B’s.
This is where it began. At first, it was only for the borderlines. The good intentions were paved by the assumption that their targeted audience was those with BPD who were actively working on themselves and the family members who were anxious to support them. Instead, for every one targeted audience member they helped, there were a slew of others who got empowered by their mental illness status and used it to attack victims into silence.
Whatever the original intent was of internet gaslighters, they seem to be turning a blind eye to the rotten fruit of their labors. If you have not heard much on what it’s like being on the receiving end of BPD abuse, this is the reason. Those who survived it were shocked to be met by a swarm of internet bullying if they shared their story and used it to warn others. The survivor was accused of stigmatizing the mentally ill while, quite ironically, those same attacking borderlines denied that they were abusive.
The internet gaslighter has been encouraging a whole new generation of Enabler Parents (Trauma Glossary 1) and an unorthodox type of “support group” which is anything but. Multiple support groups sprang up just for borderlines, including public forums, like BPB Central.
Everyone, including Cluster B’s, should have the right to their own space. Victims of Cluster B’s deserve the same consideration without being threatened by the “hate group” label. However, this was never considered for the adult children of borderlines.
Enableist:
(weapon of choice: political correctness)
This one runs a “support group” for child victims of Cluster B while allowing the very same personality disorder into the group. Like its namesake, Enabler + Ableist (Trauma Glossary 1), this one gaslights victims into compliance by playing on the toxic shame and co-dependency (Trauma Glossary 2) programming in CPTSD. They do this by weaponizing the concept of having tolerance for the very people who have no tolerance for the voices of the victims.
They accomplish this by using a hook and then censor approach in three surprisingly easy steps:
Step one: Validate the child victims.
The enableist fully acknowledges that CPTSD is developed out of being raised by a borderline (just as much as CPTSD is developed out of being raised by the other Cluster B’s). The enableist acknowledges that children of borderlines were raised under gaslighting (Trauma Glossary 1). The enableist is also well versed on terms (Trauma Glossary 2) that indicate the ongoing problems they have as a result. Children of borderlines are hooked in by this, relieved to have found a space where people actually get it.
Step two: Forced compliance.
Children of borderlines are shocked to discover that borderlines are also allowed in the group. “This is not a hate group” is the enableist’s victim shaming mantra to anyone who questions the reason for this. They slam this point home by informing the members that it’s a place for all children of borderlines. Never mind that borderlines have multiple support groups just for them, as well as other, unrelated support groups, where the borderlines have successfully censored anyone from mentioning the topic of BPD abuse.
The final nail in the coffin of forced compliance is when the enableist reminds the members that all children of borderlines have Fleas (Trauma Glossary 2). In other words, having traits of what raised them somehow justifies having tolerance for those who have the full disorder. This is particularly cruel, considering how children of borderlines are already scared to death of having anything in common with their borderline parents. The enableist successfully binds them in shame to have tolerance in a group that should have been their own.
Step 3: Rules are not equally applied.
Borderlines are allowed to use every attacking buzzword they use on the world wide web, as long as it’s delivered in a passive aggressive manner. The much needed venting on part of the children of borderlines is curbed in the cradle. Children of borderlines are discouraged from challenging the misinformation created by the internet gaslighters, while borderlines are allowed to accuse them of overgeneralizing and spreading misinformation.
It’s a fact that among therapists, the understanding of borderline is woefully lacking. What could have been an opportunity for further learning provided by the kids, themselves is continually interrupted by at least one borderline playing the stigma card. Children of borderlines, comparing their stories and in the process, discovering fresh patterns among their parents gets interrupted by the obligation to assure the borderline/s in question that they are not talking about them, specifically.
The borderlines are allowed to invalidate the children of borderlines any time they wish with “Not all borderlines…” while using themselves as an example. The children of borderlines are not allowed the question the validity of their statement, despite having heard their own borderline parents make similar claims.
Borderlines are allowed to talk about how they have benefited from every support group they’ve ever been in as a means of making passive complaints against children of borderlines. Children of borderlines are not allowed to counter with their lack of support in other groups when simply bringing up their borderline parents. They are certainly not allowed to point out their censorship being the sole reason the borderlines keep benefiting from these “support groups”.
Borderlines are allowed to talk about their hurt over what other members think of “a mental illness I never asked for”. The children of borderlines are not allowed to counter with the fact that they did not choose to have CPTSD and they certainly did not ask for a borderline parent – and by the way, are you a borderline parent? Because that’s clearly a choice you did, in fact, make.
The road to disaster is paved with good intentions. The enableist puts too much faith in the internet gaslighters, believing that the borderlines in their group are those willing to work on themselves by learning from the victims. Stuck on this primary vision, the enableist continually empathizes with and protects the borderlines. In the process, the enableist forgets to consider the feelings of the children of borderlines, much less how passive aggressive attacks are still, in fact, attacks.
The Enableist recreates the same triangulation (Trauma Glossary 1) that existed in the victim’s childhood home through these “support groups”, giving birth to the pioneers of the victim shamers we know today as Apologists.
Gaslit Minions:
(weapon of choice: buzzwords & over-compliance with Enableist and Cluster B’s)
This one exists in the Enableist’s group and will invalidate their fellow victims on behalf of the Cluster B’s. This type is NOT a cluster B; in fact, the gaslit minion has CPTSD from being raised by the very same cluster B allowed in the group. They will repeatedly fling the same attacking buzzwords while validating the cluster B, except for when the gaslit minion does it, there’s a marked air of virtue signaling. (Or, as another cliché goes, “being on one’s high horse”.)
The gaslit minion develops out of placing so much blind faith in what the enableist offered in step one (validate the victims), that they fail to take heed of what’s going on in steps two and three. Eager to please the enableist, the gaslit minion works overtime to accommodate the borderlines. When the borderlines attack the victims, the gaslit minion will side with the borderlines, based on the flimsy excuse that if the enableist is allowing it, then (in their mind, at least) it must not count as an attack.
Critical thinking is completely lost on these people. This is due to their severe codependency, not unlike what you see in today’s apologists. They make sweeping overgeneralized statements in favor of the borderlines, based on no evidence apart from the borderline’s word. “Not all borderlines are abusive, despite what all the comments say” is met with laurels in the form of hearts and likes from the borderlines.
Actually there are a certain number of criteria required in order to meet any of the above diagnoses and besides, what exactly is their definition of abuse? Perhaps the gaslit minion would benefit from reading my article on the 7 types of covert abuse and how each escalates.
Or maybe the gaslit minion would benefit from the term Unmask (Trauma Glossary 1), considering how that term has existed for a while in support groups just for borderlines. It might jog their memory somewhat on how their own parents practiced this when they, too, were serving an 18-year sentence in Borderland. No one has any right to claim “knowing” a Cluster B until they have experienced seeing them unmasked. But sadly, the gaslit minion is more likely to get an aneurysm than open their mind to new learning.
Epilogue:
This history lesson almost reads like a conspiracy theory, except for the amount of evidence that exists to this day. All one has to do is hop over to YouTube and read the comments on any video pertaining to borderline personality disorder. The comments that have over 100 responses are particularly enlightening, considering those who dared to tell their stories are still getting notifications. In other words, years after making their original comment, they are still getting attacked. Let that sink in.
I am pleased to report that in the past four years, real support groups that honor the victim’s right to their own space have sprung up. A special shoutout is in order to the sub-Reddit group: r/BPDlovedones, for being, to the best of my knowledge, the only public support group that fully backs the victims.
There are now private groups for victims, as well. My own support group is only one of them. Unfortunately, the enableist run “support groups” still exist and will show up first when you do a search. This is due to how the enableist cares more about numbers than helping the victims. Their groups are clearing 4000, last I checked.
Keep looking, because one major clue that you’re about to enter a real support group is that the size is usually under 1000 members. This is because the leaders of real support groups will thoroughly screen member requests and will not hesitate to kick out an infiltrating cluster B or victim shamer.
The internet gaslighters still exist, of course and are now blogging and vlogging for the other Cluster B’s. They have been breeding the grifters just as much as the gaslit minions have been breeding apologists. But those will be discussed in next week’s article, when I address our current climate and where this is leading if left unchecked.