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This defines who the abusers are and what they do. There are words for what happened to you and how you developed CPTSD or D.I.D. as a result. Also included are the techniques they are using today to silence your voice.
Ableist: the original definition (added to the dictionary December 2019…let that sink in) is one who engages in the discrimination or prejudice against people with disabilities in favor of able-bodied people; hence, the term is rooted in “the disabled vs. abled” type of thinkers. The Cluster Bs wasted no time throwing this word around at anyone who dared to say anything as basic as having been abused by a personality disorder. This is mostly due to the years (yes, years, at least since 2014) that they have been allowed to attack, unchecked, while claiming their behaviorally based disorder is a “mental illness”. This is not the first politically correct term they have weaponized as a quick power grab, nor will it be the last.
Anti-Social Personality Disorder (ASPD): Law breaking, deceitful, physically aggressive and has complete disrespect and disregard for others and their property. Also known as sociopaths.
See also: Cluster B Personality Disorders
Apologist: (weapon of choice: whoever has the loudest voice of the moment) “If everyone is saying it, it must be true” or so the apologist believes. Loud voices tend to drown out the oppressed, but the apologist isn’t interested in considering this argument. What lies in the apologist’s core is severe co-dependency which damages their sense of allegiance. They see themselves as empathy soldiers and will rationalize the behaviors of abusers if they can claim “It’s a mental illness that shouldn’t be demonized”. Some are even on friendly terms with a cluster B or two and think that this somehow gives them the right to tell victims “Not all cluster Bs…” even though the apologist has no experience living with their cluster B buddies behind closed doors. For the apologist is too afraid of going against the herd to consider who’s being trampled on in the process. As the apologist stands against the victims of cluster B abuse today, so the apologist will stand against victims of pedophiles tomorrow when MAP becomes the next loudest voice of the moment.
See also: Victim Shamers; In Trauma Glossary 2: See also Co-dependency
Baiting: Classic bullying tactic where perpetrator has already decided they want to attack their targeted person. For whatever reason (some deformed version of a conscience?) they are looking for any excuse to justify the urge. So, they goad their target into the desired reaction (often as minor as a facial expression or tone of voice) to feel good about attacking their targeted (scapegoat) person. In a dysfunctional home, the attack is typically followed by the enabler parent and/or mini-me sibling victim shaming the scapegoat for supposedly being the one who instigated the attack. Also, it is not uncommon for Enabler Parent and/or Mini-Me Sibling to attack the scapegoat on the perpetrator’s orders.
See also: Enabler Parent; Gaslighting; Mini-Me Sibling; Soul Murder; Triangulation
Battered Child/Spouse Syndrome: This is a severe trauma response that only goes one of two ways: Freeze/Fawn or in rare cases, Fight. Flight is not a safe option because the abuser does not allow it. As the abuse escalates, the house tyrant’s child and/or partner shuts down and becomes almost “robot-like” in personality. The sense of self has been eroded because they have learned that survival hinges on 1) submitting (Fawning) to the tyrant and 2) self-expression has dire consequences and is avoided (Freeze). In most cases, they stay stuck in Freeze/Fawn, because they have learned to feel helpless and powerless against the tyrant. However, in rare cases they shift to a severe Fight response. This is when we hear about it on the news. The battered child or partner can’t bear one more day living in abuse. But the threat looms so large and the battered victim feels so small, they feel that only the most extreme measures will defeat it – and they are usually right about that.
See also Coercive Control, Soul Murder
See also in Trauma Glossary 2: Trauma Types (4F)
Borderland: Thanks to Christine Ann Lawson (author of Understanding the Borderline Mother) for this term. It associates growing up in the home of a parent with BPD as living inside Alice in Wonderland. Logic is scarce while confusion reigns supreme. Constant, volatile changes in the child’s daily life, forcing them to cope by anticipating the needs and ever-changing mood swings to survive living with the borderline parent.
See also Borderline Personality Disorder; Gaslighting; Splitting
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): this is considered the “counterpart” to ASPD, due to their shared traits of poor emotional impulse control. Here the aggressive behavior is triggered by neglect, abandonment, and, most recently, perceiving themselves as “stigmatized”. Further confounding this is their rapidly changing mood swings; (unlike bipolar disorder, which is fully capable of maintaining a mood for days, weeks, even months at a time) in a single day.
See also: Cluster B Personality Disorders
Boundary Violation: having no respect for one’s privacy. The complete disregard for one’s personal space and property. This is because the one who violates boundaries is paranoid, controlling, a pathological snoop, and feels entitled to do whatever they want to the other person. Some examples of this type of parent are: regularly going through their child’s personal belongings, including their diary; listening in on their phone conversations and reading their text messages; and forbidding the child to ever lock their bedroom door (if the child is even allowed to have a door to their own room) so that the one who violates boundaries can barge in whenever they want. This is the type of parent who requires a restraining order once the child grows up and realizes going no contact is the only way to manage this relationship. Because the boundary violator will stalk and harass.
See also: Cluster B Personality Disorders; Enmeshment; Family Dysfunction
Brainwashing: the conditioning of one’s beliefs through equal parts toxic shame and perpetual attacks on one’s identity to the point of soul murder and confusion. In CPTSD engineering homes, this is coupled with cognitive dissonance and triangulation. The outcome of childhood brainwashing includes numerous symptoms of CPTSD, as you will see in Trauma Glossary 2.
See also: Cognitive Dissonance -DIY Cognitive Dissonance; Gaslighting; Operant Conditioning Abuse; Soul Murder; Trauma Bond; Triangulation
Breadcrumbing: This is a simplified term for Intermittent Reinforcement (also in this glossary). It’s just been termed this way to help paint a more vivid image of what’s going on. It’s stage 2 in the Cluster B’s courtship. Once they have hooked you with Love Bombing (which is stage 1), they begin withholding their love. So, they throw out the occasional “breadcrumb” of love to keep you surviving off mere alms of their affection.
See also Intermittent Reinforcement for a deeper definition.
Circle Argument: See also JADE
Cluster B Personality Disorders: Irrational, erratic behaviorally based personality disorders with poor impulse control and no thought to consequences. “It isn’t me, it’s everyone else” is their mantra. Pathologically self-centered people who believe they are good or exceptional. This is because they blame others for their abusive behaviors. Their complete rejection of personal accountability makes them naturals at conspiracy theories. E.g., “Everyone has brainwashed my (insert target/supply person) against me!” These unusually high functioning “mental illnesses” make them fully capable of hiding the abusive behaviors that “they can’t help” from the outside world. (They have validated this tendency of theirs by referring to it as “unmasking”, which they feel fully entitled to do so “inside their own home”.) While those who live with them behind closed doors pay the ultimate price. They prey on those closest to them by first, hooking them in and then draining them for their own emotional needs that are impossible to fulfill (nothing you do will ever be enough because they are empty). It’s important to understand that most often, each Cluster B disorder tends to be comorbid with at least one of the other 9 personality disorders.
See also: Anti-Social Personality Disorder; Borderline Personality Disorder; Histrionic Personality Disorder; Narcissistic Personality Disorder; Unmask
Coercive Control: psychological bondage where the victim is physically free to leave any time, but they are bound by invisible chains to their abuser. The abuser achieves this mental bondage through step 1: deception (or in some cases, blackmail), step 2: isolating the victim from their support system, step 3: then they are free to erode them psychologically, step 4: the victim loses their identity in such a way as they no longer know how to make independent decisions. The victim is convinced that they need their abuser to help them make the so-called “correct choices”.
See also: Brainwashing, Covert Abuse, Future Faking, Primary Supply Figure, Soul Murder, Trauma Bond
Cognitive Dissonance: the mental conflict that occurs when one holds two or more contradictory beliefs that affect one’s behavioral decisions or attitude
- DIY Cognitive Dissonance: (Do It Yourself) the ongoing attitude or behaviors one puts out in the world “confirming” one’s adverse beliefs that were forged in trauma; this solidifies the adverse belief while disabling one’s ability to accept the contradictory belief. And this is what leads to our cognitive distortions listed in Trauma Glossary 2.
Covert Abuse: sneaky types of abuse that easily slip under one’s radar for detecting whether one has been or is in an abusive situation. When the abuse is covert, one feels a stronger temptation to dismiss one’s emotional cues and body sensations to go along with the covert abuser. It should be the reverse, because any one of these types of abuses can escalate into Overt Abuse on a dime.
DARVO: (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) All four Cluster B disorders share a major core trait: the refusal to be held accountable for their abusive behaviors. In fact, they will all go to great lengths to avoid accountability. This is a primary tool they use to achieve this. In one’s personal life, they have a talent for manipulating both authorities and the reactive abuse of their victims, the latter of which are the ones who appear to be the guilty party and end up paying the price. There are numerous examples all over the internet, especially when a victim dares to share their story and attempt to use it to warn others about Cluster Bs.
See also: Baiting; Cluster B Personality Disorders; Negging; Reactive Abuse
Distortion Campaign: Also known as the smear campaign. When love bombing fails, the distortion campaign begins. This is how they start enlisting flying monkeys. Cluster Bs have a knack for acting as their own P.R. rep, or spin doctors. They do this by taking a kernel of “provable” truth and build an exaggerated tale around it. Due to this kernel of provable truth, the unenlightened are tempted to believe the full, distorted version of events that the Cluster B has woven.
See also: Gaslighting; Love Bombing; Soul Murder
Double Bind: To create a conflict that has no resolution. It’s also known as the circular argument. No matter how you respond, their rejoinder will be abusive and accusatory. You cannot, will not please the person who creates a double bind argument. That’s because the double bind creator has a specific goal. And it is NOT to address and resolve a conflict. The purpose of the double bind is to keep their victim trapped in confusion and stress while manipulating the victim into absorbing the blame.
See also: Gaslighting; DARVO; JADE; Rubberized Brain Phenomenon
Enableist: (weapon of choice: political correctness) one who runs a “support group” for victims of Cluster B while allowing the very same personality disorder into the group. Like its namesake, Enabler + Ableist, this one gaslights victims into compliance by playing on the Toxic Shame and Co-dependency programming in CPTSD. They do this by weaponizing the concept of having tolerance for the very people who have no tolerance for the voices of the victims. (“This is not a hate group” is their victim shaming mantra.) The Enableist recreates the very same triangulation that existed in the victim’s childhood home through these “support groups”. The Enableist first discourages the victims from challenging “information” provided by Internet Gaslighters. This, in turn, creates Gaslit Minions who invalidate fellow victims on behalf of the Cluster Bs, who are accusing them of stigmatizing and overgeneralizing. Thus, enabling the Cluster B to feel even more justified in attacking and silencing the voices of the victims on the public internet.
See also: Victim Shamers; Covert Abuse; Gaslighting; Triangulation
Enabler Parent: *Special disclaimer: there are many of you who got away from your abuser and carry a tremendous amount of guilt for even exposing your child/ren to someone so toxic. I’m also aware that you’re the same type of parents who, while you were in that abusive partnership, you intervened numerous times on behalf of your child/ren, much to your peril. To you, I say on behalf of your children, thank you, and I assure you, I am NOT describing you.*
The true Enabler Parent is the one who goes along with the tyrant parent, excusing the abuse, no matter what. Any parent who puts the house tyrant’s needs above the welfare of his/her children is NOT a true parent. The Enabler can have a personality disorder, as well but not necessarily. In most cases, purely because the Enabler parent is prone to fewer temper tantrums, the children grow up perceiving this parent as the “nice/rational” one and therefore the “safe” one. Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth. The enabler parent is looking out for his/her own preservation and is therefore choosing what’s “easy for now” without any foresight on how hard choices made today can and will lead to an easier future. Never mistake the coward’s weakness for kindness (read that again). The enabler teaches the children self-defeatist “life skills”, particularly how it’s more important to appease bullies than standing up for what is right; not to mention the guilt for having emotional needs that (God forbid!) contradict the tyrant’s.
See also Family Dysfunction; Victim Shamers
Emotional Argument: See also JADE
Emotional Incest: See also: Covert Abuse
Emotional Neglect: See also: Covert Abuse
Enmeshment: blurred to nonexistent boundaries that engulf one’s sense of self to the point where one has difficulty understanding how to separate one’s emotions from the other’s; the over-involvement in one’s life; the exploitation of a relationship by living through the other person.
EUPD: (Emotionally Unregulated Personality Disorder) See also Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s the same disorder and it is still in the Cluster B disorders group. It has just been renamed. Emotionally Unregulated Personality Disorder is still on the Borderline of neurosis and psychosis, which is how and why it was originally named Borderline.
See also Borderline Personality Disorder; So-Called “Trained Professionals”
False Advocate: (weapon of choice: Followers > Truth) These people have a lot in common with the Enableist. But whereas the Enableist runs a private “support group” that’s anything but supportive to the victims of Cluster B disorders, the False Advocate runs a public page that claims to advocate for CPTSD, victims of childhood trauma, and “narcissistic abuse”. (There’s your first clue, because there are other personality disorders besides narcissists that engineer CPTSD in the minds of their children.) These people then accommodate their Cluster B followers by turning a blind eye to their attacking comments if anyone with CPTSD dares to state they were raised by a BPD, HPD, psychopath, or sociopath. The block and delete buttons exist for a reason, but the False Advocate never uses them. In fact, many of them use gaslighting and misinformation to make BPD sound like it’s just another form of CPTSD. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. False Advocates should find something else to do. Advocating for CPTSD is no place for cowards, crowd pleasers, those who fail to do some minor light reading, or Cluster Bs masking themselves as CPTSD.
See also Cluster B Personality Disorders; Enableist; Victim Shamers
(Children of) Family Dysfunction: a byproduct of being raised by one or more Cluster Bs. At the heart of family dysfunction is triangulation itself, which assigns different roles to their children, whether the children want it or not.
See also: (In this Glossary) Baiting; Brainwashing; Covert Abuse; Enmeshment; Gaslighting; Infantilize; Love Bombing; Mini-Me Sibling; Operant Conditioning Abuse; Soul Murder; Trauma Bond; Triangulation
Flying Monkey: People allied with a Cluster B and abuse by proxy; doing the bidding of the Cluster B by guilt-tripping, spying on, smearing the reputation, berating, or even assaulting the Cluster B’s victim in their stead. No abuse tactics are off limits, and they often operate under direct orders from the Cluster B. Other times, the flying monkey believes they are harassing the victim on behalf of the Cluster B just because the Cluster B didn’t ask them to do it for them. But the reality is, the flying monkey is too dense to understand when they have just been manipulated by their Cluster B buddy.
See also: Cluster B Personality Disorders; Gaslighting; Victim Shamers
Future Faking: This is a part of the Cluster B’s love-bombing stage. It’s most commonly seen when they are conning their victim into moving far away from their friends and family. (It’s easier to isolate and therefore, keep you under their control when you don’t have anyone near you to call on for help.) They have a plan for the two of you as a couple. And it’s happily-ever-after. “It only gets better” with them, until that mask slips. It seems almost too good to be true, and yet it sounds so believable. That’s because Cluster Bs are so delusional, they actually believe their own lies. So, of course what they are predicting for the future (that can only happen far away from your support system) sounds believable. The mask will slip the moment they have their victim isolated, however.
See also Cluster B Personality Disorder; Love-Bombing
Gaslighting: often referred to as the “crazy-making” manipulation tactic; the Cluster B personality disorders have mastered this one. This is because their toxic hunger for validation themselves causes them to toxically invalidate others. This is the primary tell worth noticing if you suspect you’re being gaslit. The one-two punch of being invalidated while they are validating themselves. Other noteworthy tells include: The shifting of blame by minimizing one’s responsibility while magnifying their victim’s responsibility in a conflict. To make one doubt their own perception by instigating a reaction from the victim.
See also: Cluster B Personality Disorders; DARVO; JADE; Projection
Ghosting: To drop out of the partner’s life without warning or preamble.
Groomer: Jeffrey Epstein is the most famous example. These are the trickiest pedophiles because they are never “mean”. They groom children into a so-called “sexual relationship” with them by forming a kind and loving emotional bond. Once they establish that bond, they play on the child’s biological pleasure, which cons them into believing that they must have wanted it just because it felt biologically “good”. The groomer has a heightened intuition for targeting those who are neglected and abused. The groomer even pretends to care about their stories of being abused and neglected, just so that they can use that as a means of sexualizing a minor for their own gratification.
See also pedophile
Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD): this is considered the “counterpart” to NPD, due to their shared need for crowd pleasing attention. Extremely shallow, provocative, with a pathological need to be center of attention. The walking stereotype of the high school Queen Bee who never matured post-high school.
See also: Cluster B Personality Disorders
Hoovering: Stage 3 of toxic relationship. This is a covert version of love bombing. This is when, after some time and distance, the Cluster B will contact you under seemingly innocent pretenses, “just to see how you’re doing” of course, or have some mundane or irrelevant news in general to share. It isn’t uncommon for them to make a generalized apology over past wrongs. Please note, they will never name specific wrongs that they committed because the mere thought of owning up fully is triggering to these PERSONality disorders. Also included is when they play what I refer to as “the third-party messenger game”, when instead of contacting you directly, they call a friend or relative to ask about you and how much they miss you. Remember, they always sound better from a distance than they do behind closed doors.
See also: Love Bombing; Intermittent Reinforcement
Induced Conversation: (Ross Rosenberg) This is the Cluster B’s superpower and the very reason going no contact is a must. A highly effective tactic Cluster Bs use to gain an emotional reaction from their victim. Remember that your reaction is the Cluster B’s “supply” and their means of exerting control. From a simple phrase to a mere tone in their voice, they can induce anger or induce love to hook their victim back in. It’s particularly lethal when they induce love. When their supply person is done, they want “that last conversation” they think you owe them. But Cluster Bs are master manipulators who know how to play on your dopamine levels. They remind you of that ONE nice thing they did and in that moment, you “forgive” all the past abuses because your heightened dopamine levels are hyper-focused on that ONE loving moment. It’s called induced conversation for good reason because it keeps you under their spell.
See also: Baiting; Brainwashing; Cognitive Dissonance; Gaslighting; DARVO; Double Bind, JADE
Infantilize: The parental encouragement of making the child behave less mature than their age. This is often reinforced by a toxic level of nurturing (which is more like love bombing) and over-validation. This is most often seen in the makings of the Mini-Me sibling.
See also Family Dysfunction; Love bombing; Mini-Me
Intermittent Reinforcement: Stage 2 of toxic relationship. The most manipulative and therefore, most effective strategy abusers use to strengthen the trauma bond with their Supply Person, I mean “significant other”. Ever hear the DV victim’s cliched excuse as per why they stay in the relationship: “When things are good, they’re really, really good”? This is the method used to keep them there. Remember that the Cluster B’s modus operandi is to hook in the victim until the victim forgets oneself in the process. Where intermittent reinforcement is concerned, this begins with Love Bombing. Once the supply person is hooked on the so-called greatest-thing-that-ever-happened-to-me, the attention and the “showering with love” wanes drastically, to the point where the supply person, unaware that the love bombing phase was a mask the whole time, is willing to do anything to get the early and false version of the manipulator back. Occasionally, the manipulator will slip the mask back in place and respond to supply person with a morsel of the attentiveness they had in the beginning. Despite how the special occasions don’t last long, the supply person’s view is clouded by the addiction of false hope, itself.
See also: Brainwashing; Gaslighting; Love Bombing; Primary Supply Figure; Trauma Bond
JADE: Justify, Argue, Deny, Explain. Also known as the “Circle Argument” or “Emotional Argument”. This is yet another skill that only gaslighters know how to pull off. They goad you into an emotional reaction, all so that they can accuse you of being the one with the problem. (e.g., Them: “If I’m wrong, then why are you so defensive?” You: “You’ve been nagging me about the same thing for over an hour.” Them: “So now you’re blaming me?”) Don’t even think about making them see reason, much less, logic because they also like to switch topics and find something else to argue over. Yes, I know, your side of the argument makes so much sense, surely if you Explain it *one more way* they will finally see it. WRONG! Such things only bounce off their heads (I’ve named this Rubberized Brain Phenomenon) while their brains shrink even more into their own perspective and no one else’s. Yet another appropriate acronym because arguments like this will certainly leave you jaded.
See also: Rubberized Brain Phenomenon
Laundry Listing: Another way of looking at this is evidence gathering for abusers. Gift giving and/or “good deeds” that come with strings attached. It’s used as leverage to keep one trauma bonded. Whenever the victim tries to set a boundary or hold the person accountable for their behavior, the abuser has their laundry list of “great things” they have done at the ready. It’s a form of gaslighting that’s meant to imply that they are the givers, and the victim is the taker. However, what’s absent in their laundry list is any evidence of compassion. That’s worth noting, as compassionate behavior towards someone doesn’t require material gifts or favors. Conversely, the abuser can also laundry list all the horrible things the victim has done. In either case, compassionate behaviors do not stoop to such low levels.
See also Cluster B Personality Disorders; Cognitive Dissonance; DARVO; Gaslighting; JADE; Trauma Bond
Love Bombing: *the following is two parts: (1) what it looks like when the abuser is love bombing their child and (2) what it looks like when you’re being romanced by an abuser just like your abusive parent. *
- A tactic abusive people utilize when their victim separates from them. When going no contact, they really turn it up. Most common lines go something like this: “I had no idea I was hurting you; Please, you’re my world; I’ll do anything”. Most often they acquire a new personality (mask) that’s conveniently loving and caring, from a distance. This is the most hurtful betrayal the abusive parent commits on their child because it fuels false hopes that at long last, they finally get the loving parent they always wanted. Don’t fall for it. As soon as you’re back in their clutches, they revert to their old ways.
- Stage 1 of toxic relationship. The attentive, charming, and caring mask abusers wear in the early stages of romancing their newest supply person. They are experts at sweeping people off their feet in a whirlwind type of courtship. If you suddenly feel like you’ve never met anyone who (conveniently) likes all the same things you like, or someone who is just “so perfect” in every way, it’s like it’s too good to be true, chances are high that it really is too good to be authentic. Please note that Love Bombing is stage 1 in Intermittent Reinforcement. Love Bombing is simply how they get you hooked before they unmask.
See also: Gaslighting; Intermittent Reinforcement; Hoovering; Primary Supply Figure
Malingering: To fake an illness, be it a physical or a mental one. Cluster Bs are pathological attention-seekers. From claiming to have cancer or lupus when they do not, to claiming they have DID or CPTSD when in reality, they do not.
Mini-Me Sibling: The Golden Child gone terribly wrong; the most treacherous of all the siblings. The mini-me is the one who was severely infantilized and grew up benefiting from the family toxicity; the one who earned approval from the house tyrant by turning against his/her own sibling/s. This is due to the multiple shocks and “setbacks” the mini-me has been groomed for experiencing with the outside world, all of whom won’t see the mini-me as “perfect” as the house tyrant has led the child to believe. This results in a perpetual “loop” of the mini-me’s perception of being victimized by the outside world and then leaning more on assurance from the house tyrant, their primary source of validation. The mini-me, in turn, arrives at adulthood, if not a full-fledged Cluster B disorder, then strong traits of one. Hence its namesake, the tyrant’s “mini-me”.
See also: Cluster B Personality Disorders; Family Dysfunction; Infantilized
Monkey Branching: The type of relationship discard that cheaters use. Think of how monkeys swing from branch to branch. The monkey will not release its grip on the first branch until it has a secure hold on the new branch. So it is for the cheater who will keep both the older and newer relationship going until they have a secure hold on the newer relationship. Then they discard the older relationship. And more often than not, ghosting is their choice means of discarding the old relationship. Purely because they would rather not face accountability for what they did to their ex-partner.
See also: Ghosting
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): has a grandiose self-image that fuels the excessive need for attention. Due to their weak sense of self, they place high emotional demands on others to venerate and assure them that they do, in fact, measure up to the fantastical ideals they have of themselves. Not all NPD are psychopaths, but all psychopaths have NPD in their makeup.
See also: Cluster B Personality Disorder
Narcissistic Rage: Explosive and volatile rage that can last hours. When the narcissist finally stops raging, it’s followed by tense mercurial silence. (The silence is known as stonewalling.) The narcissist’s silence is like a simmering volcano and that silence tends to last longer than their explosive rage episode. The victims are walking on eggshells and terrified of triggering the narcissist into a new explosion, because they know that in that mercurial silence, the narcissist is waiting for any excuse to unleash their explosive rage again. This is the difference between narcissistic rage and borderline rage (which is called a splitting episode) is that the narcissist doesn’t go quiet for a few minutes followed by a sudden mood shift. See Splitting Episode for understanding the subtle differences between the Cluster B rages. Spoiler alert: whether it’s narcissistic rage or a splitting episode, it’s still abuse, and both know exactly what they’re doing.
See also Narcissistic Personality Disorder; Splitting Episode; Stonewalling
Negging: The “backhanded compliment”, a tactic used for manipulating the target person into living for their approval. The compliment tends to have some covert negativity attached to it, which dampens the target person’s feeling of being good enough. (e.g., “Just think how much more beautiful you’d look if you lost weight.” The target is told they’re beautiful while feeling self-conscious about their body image.) There are numerous examples that fall under the umbrella of negging. Comparing the target person to someone else, or claiming they’re proud of target person’s accomplishment, even though they “know” the target person could have done better, are just a few. The primary goal of the one who negs is to keep their target hooked in the perpetual sense of “almost good enough, but not quite there.” With parents like this in our lives, is it any wonder why we struggle with accepting compliments from others or feeling like we’re good enough?
See also Covert Abuse
Object Permanence (Lack of): This explains why Cluster B disorders tend to go to extremes with their so-called loved ones: stalking or cheating. Object permanence means having an understanding that just because we cannot immediately see an object that we own doesn’t mean that it no longer exists. Having object permanence with a person means that just because we are away from that person doesn’t mean they are no longer in our life. However, in the Cluster B disordered mind, they do not have this. When their supply person is out of sight, it means the relationship does not exist. And during these brief separations that mean (to them) the relationship doesn’t exist, they feel justified to cheat on their supply person, or they will check up on their supply person excessively. (E.g. A barrage of phone calls every 5 to 15 minutes to their supply person’s workplace.)
See also Primary Supply Figure
Operant Conditioning Abuse: In operant conditioning, it’s the application of using both positive and negative reinforcement on a person or animal to produce the desired behavioral outcome. In operant conditioning abuse, however, the negative reinforcement is amplified, while the “positive” reinforcement is nothing more than relief from the abuse. E.g.: A parent who beats their child, then beats the child harder for crying. The beating ends only once the child stops crying. Over time the child’s ability to grieve is blocked because the mind has been conditioned into associating tears with severe punishment. Note: this is a so-called “outdated” term, but this author believes it deserves a permanent spot in the trauma glossary.
See also: Brainwashing; Intermittent Reinforcement; Soul Murder
Parental Alienation: One parent intentionally manipulates their child against their other parent. It’s most common in “high-conflict” custody battles. (High-conflict divorce is courtroom code for divorcing a Cluster B.) That’s because petty vengeance and jealousy is usually the motive. It’s as though the “high-conflict” parent is saying to the other, “I’ll show you for not loving me anymore. I’m going to use our child to hurt you.”
Parentified: Process of role reversal where the child is forced and gaslit into acting as parent to their own parent or sibling/s.
See also: Family Dysfunction; Gaslighting
Pedophile: Grown people who are sexually attracted to children. They have already started their movement, using the same invalidating language the Cluster Bs have been using. “Not all pedophiles molest children,” they claim. (Familiar phraseology to anyone else?) They believe that pedophilia should be recognized as a sexual orientation. They are next in line where forced tolerance and inclusion is concerned, unless enough people are willing to see the abuser’s culture for what it is and are equally willing to stand up.
Primary Supply Figure (PSF): Talk about a term that’s been watered down by the internet gaslighters! Thanks to them, you may know this as “Favorite Person” or what BPDs have shortened as “FP” because let’s face it; it sounds more flattering than PSF. The PSF is the primary supply person to the Cluster B, the very one they will unleash their true selves around while demanding validation for doing so. Due to the Cluster B’s weak sense of self, they are merger hungry and obsessed with their PSF. The Cluster B will go to great lengths to ensure that their PSF will mirror and enable them. The more the PSF is manipulated by the Cluster B, the more the PSF is in danger of losing their own sense of self. The Cluster B’s goal is to whittle down the PSF to the point where they only perceive both people and the world through the eyes of the Cluster B. Once they achieve this, they have successfully created their very own Enabler.
See also: Enabler Parent; Gaslighting; Enmeshment; Intermittent Reinforcement; Love Bombing; Object Permanence (Lack of); Soul Murder; Trauma Bond
Psychopath: An inability to feel emotions deeply and may act manipulative and exploitative due to having no empathy. The psychopath is typically born this way, not made.
See also: Anti-Social Personality Disorder; Cluster B Personality Disorders; Narcissistic Personality Disorder; Sociopath
Projection: the assumption that the other person has identical traits, motives, and/or actionable behavior as oneself. Where Cluster Bs are concerned, this comes out in the form of character assassinations and absurd accusations that are downright paranoid. (E.g., Spouse is five minutes late coming home; Cluster B accuses spouse of cheating.) If we consider how empathy is a form of projection, in the sense that how we understand and identify with others comes from having been in or currently in the other person’s shoes, it’s telling on what sort of person we are dealing with. Is there true depth behind the person’s perception of others or does the perception lack luster? If it’s the latter, you’re dealing with a Cluster B.
See also: Splitting Episode
Rubberized Brain Phenomenon: Both the Cluster Bs and the10 types of Victim Shamers suffer from this one. In fact, it’s one of the fastest means of detecting the sort of person you’re dealing with. Having a debate with an intelligent and decent person is supposed to produce some air of open-mindedness between both parties. Where Cluster Bs and victim shamers are concerned, it’s the reverse! Their brains hyper-focus on their own perspective, like tunnel vision on steroids. Simultaneously, it’s like a force field effect of rubber springs up around this viewpoint. In the process, reason and logic will bounce right off their brain. Their language tends to get “stuck” on repeat, like a broken record. Hence, its namesake, Rubberized Brain Phenomenon.
See also: JADE
Reactive Abuse (Reaction to Abuse): prolonged abuse that’s intended to goad the victim into an abusive reaction. The abuser’s goal is to accuse the victim of abuse while simultaneously engineering toxic shame into the victim who “didn’t know what came over me”. The abuser knows exactly what came over their victim, since they kept abusing the victim to their breaking point. Like a pressure cooker ready to explode, wrathful words or physical violence can and will come out of the victim in the blink of an eye. Most often, the victim is shocked by the outburst or violence, as if the victim’s body or mouth reacted with a mind of its own. It’s important that the victim understands that this was a natural reaction to prolonged abuse. It’s been argued that the term reactive abuse is misleading and implies shame on the victim. Many advocates are calling for the term to be changed to “Reaction to Abuse” and I agree.
See also: Baiting; Brainwashing; Operant Conditioning Abuse; Soul Murder
Reproductive Abuse: the intentional deception of one’s partner that involves contraceptives. Either a blatant lie about using birth control, or the sabotage of contraceptives, unbeknownst to the partner. The purposeful conception against the partner’s wishes with the intent to trap the partner and an innocent new life.
Shape Shifting: No, Cluster Bs do not change form in the literal sense. But something does happen when they are in an extreme rage (more than their usual rages). The face deforms. Some examples: every vein in the face swells up and deforms the contours of their features; grotesque scrunching of the face; pupils enlarging so that the eyes look like black pools; voice suddenly drops several octaves. These moments are terrifyingly surreal and not one you will forget once you see it. They appear otherworldly, whether it’s a narcissistic rage or a BPD splitting episode.
See also Narcissistic Rage; Splitting Episode
So-Called “Trained Professionals”: These invalidating quack-therapists are easy to spot. They use the same phraseology: 1) The so-called “personality disorders” 2) Hurt people hurt people. What does this tell you? Well, first, those who say one phraseology are the very same ones who are saying the other. So, it should tell you that the so-called “trained professional” has spent too much time around their pet-people, their little so-called “personality disorders” and have believed every lie and cognitive distortion their little pets have been spewing. It should also tell you how very little time they have spent around the victims of their so-called “personality disorders”. Finally, these so-called “trained professionals” are also not up to date on the newest studies, which have proven that not all their so-called “personality disorders” were forged in childhood trauma. Ironically, we are accused of overgeneralizing the personality disorders, and yet the so-called “trained professional” has overgeneralized “hurt people hurt people”. If that statement was true, then why are among the most common and troublesome symptoms of CPTSD self-abandonment, super-conscience, and toxic shame?
See also EUPD (because they are most likely the very ones responsible for that one) and in Trauma Glossary 2: Self-abandonment, Super-conscience, Toxic Shame
Sociopath: This is the low-functioning version of the psychopath. Emotionally unregulated version of the psychopath.
See also: Cluster B Personality Disorder; Borderline Personality Disorder; EUPD; Psychopath
Soul Murder: the act of committing spiritual annihilation on a person through an extended period of emotional abuse, neglect, gaslighting and control; to slowly erode one’s joy, self-esteem and sense of identity while ultimately confusing one’s victim to bond with their spiritual predator for emotional validation and needs.
See also: Brainwashing, Trauma Bond, Gaslighting, Enmeshment
Splitting: It’s a failure to see both positive and negative traits in a person. Each person is perceived as either “all good” or “all bad” without any grey areas. This is typically a part of projection, whereas the borderline has taken their own bad traits that, instead of looking inward long enough to accept it as them, they hurl it onto their target person. Meanwhile, they perceive the “all good” person as a reflection of the idealized image they want to merge with. Because the “all good” person is not psychic, sooner or later, “all good” person will fail to follow the borderline’s imaginary script and will therefore shift rapidly into the perceived “all bad” person.
See also Borderline Personality Disorder; EUPD; Primary Supply Figure; Projection; Splitting Episode
Splitting Episode: Narcissistic rage, the Borderline Personality Disordered version. This is one of the most frightening types of abuse the borderlines issue. It’s like a “split personality” comes out suddenly and without warning. One minute, they are calm, the next minute, they are explosive. That’s because of their emotional dysregulation issues combined with their black-and white thinking. It’s like flipping a switch. That’s how rapidly their moods shift, and the splitting episode can last hours. The episode is followed by a brief quiet period – about five minutes on average, which is when they are dissociating into a calm state. Then the next thing they say is mundane and completely unrelated to what they were raging about. (E.g. “So, what do you want for lunch?” – after raging for hours.) They fully expect their victims to just go along with this new, calmer mood. The victim quickly learns that if they bring up any lingering hurt they have from the BPD’s splitting episode, the BPD will flip that emotional switch again and fly back into another rage.
See also Borderline Personality Disorder; EUPD; Narcissistic Rage; Primary Supply Figure; Projection; Splitting
Stockholm Syndrome: See also Trauma Bond
Stonewalling: The “silent treatment” when the abuser shuts down any chance of the victim being heard or validated. The Cluster B disorders are only concerned with one person’s perspective – their own, no matter how irrational, erratic, or illogical their perspective is. So, when the victim fails to accept one hundred percent of the Cluster B’s blame and vitriol, the Cluster B will shut down on the victim and intentionally ignore the victim as a means of manipulating them into accepting all their blame and/or avoid bringing up the conflict that the Cluster B created.
See also Rubberized Brain Phenomenon
Suicide Theater: *special disclaimer! * Suicide Ideation (see also Trauma Glossary 2) is not only a common problem in CPTSD, but there are those who have attempted suicide or talked about an urge to end their life when they were sincerely crying for help, NOT as a motive to manipulate, or worse, the ultimate act of vengeance, as you will see. Suicide theater is composed of three platforms. 1) Coercive Threat: “If you do/don’t (insert what the Cluster B wants) I will kill myself!” 2) Fake Attempt: they actively attempt suicide in some way but with an obvious safety net which insures they won’t lose their life (e.g., Swallowing a bottle of pills and promptly “passing out” within minutes before spouse/children arrive home). 3) Final and Ultimate Vengeance: they complete suicide, not as a means of ending their suffering, but to inflict the ultimate abandonment on you. It’s the final act of holding you responsible for their decisions, to the very end. Their declaration of suicide is horrific abuse designed to keep you bound to them. The problem is, playing into this only further enables the Cluster B into more Coercive Threats or Fake Attempts. If their tactics work the first time, they will keep doing this.
Trauma Bond: also known as Stockholm Syndrome, a by-product of brainwashing where in this case, the outcome creates one’s sense of loyalty and attachment to one’s abuser. Created out of constant swinging of the emotional pendulum (perpetuated by the abuser) from extreme love for victim to extreme character assassinations with little to no middle ground; creates confusion and disorientation to the point where the victim 1) clings to the elusive hope for the extreme love to return 2) looks to abuser for primary source of validation 3) therefore unable to detach because the victim feels destroyed without the abuser.
See also: Brainwashing; Enmeshment; Soul Murder
Triangulation: “Divide and Conquer” type of manipulation that promotes rivalry and conflicts among people by treating them vastly different (e.g., Unfairly validating one while scapegoating the other). This discourages civilized communication (except through the one committing triangulation) between the manipulator’s targets. This is the major theme that’s played in family dysfunction.
Toxic Positivity: (weapon of choice: Happiness and Now) These people think they have trauma all figured out. All you have to do is put it behind you and just let go of those sticky thoughts already. Because, you know, whatever happened to you belongs in the past anyway; you can choose to be happy, so they claim. If you can’t be happy, then they accuse you of holding onto your trauma. This is because they know nothing about flashbacks (Trauma Glossary 2) or the nervous system and parts of the brain affected by trauma (Trauma Glossary 3). Unfortunately, there’s been a slow rise in “therapists” who are also promoting this toxic positivity quackery. 1) Any therapist who isn’t interested in helping you process your trauma is NOT trauma informed enough to help you. Don’t walk, RUN and find a new one! 2) Of course, you want to work on being present so that you can work on having the sort of future you deserve. But this is a process in itself. You first have to experience feeling the feels (which requires experiencing those pesky “Debby Downer” emotions) fully in order to transcend them. No, friend, you are NOT the one holding onto your trauma. Glossaries 2 and 3 are proof that trauma is actually holding on to you.
See also: Victim Shamers
Victim Shamers: Those who have more sympathy for the abuser than the victim; those who make the victim feel responsible for the abuser’s behavior. There are victim shamers who take it to the next level and are aiding and abetting today’s Abuser’s Culture. A ridiculous number of them are named and defined in this Glossary. In alphabetical order, they are: Apologist, Enableist, Enabler Parent, False Advocate, Flying Monkeys, Mini-Me Sibling, and Toxic Positivity.
See also Rubberized Brain Phenomenon (because each type in this series takes what they have used to limit themselves and turned it into their Weapon of Choice.)
Unmask: At long last, the answer to the most asked question: If it’s a mental illness, then why are they self-aware enough to behave themselves in public? It turns out, they’ve had their own name for this for a while; they just don’t want you to know. Going out in public with their masks ON is as binding as the ladies of centuries past felt in their corsets. Imagine the relief they must have felt at night when their bodies were at last freed from those bindings. Except for where cluster Bs are concerned, home is the relief point from their mask of human decency, the very place where they unmask and behave as their true selves.
See also Cluster B Personality Disorders
Word Salad: Cluster B disorders tend to use vague language instead of being specific. When asking specific questions, they tend to respond with every answer and excuse except for the specific answer to the specific question. This is most commonly used when avoiding a shameful confession.