Have you heard of Pete Walker’s 4F trauma types? They are: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. Hence its name, 4F. You may know them as our trauma responses, and they most certainly can be. However, Pete Walker refers to trauma types because for those who were raised by cluster B disorders, we tend to develop at least one of the four types. Think of it not as your authentic identity but as your “trauma identity”. Because when we were raised in trauma, we had to rely on at least one of the four to survive. Makes sense, right? We can see our trauma type and use it as our baseline as we start healing and exploring ourselves (Where I am) and the other types (Where to grow).
Remember that there are both positive and detrimental characteristics for each trauma type. In fact, each trauma type has its own unique gift – almost like a super power – waiting to be manifested. How can I be so sure? It’s because we spent our pre-healing years as a sort of “boot camp” with our trauma type. Once we begin healing, we start unlocking that gift as we move towards the more positive characteristics.
Just see it for yourself in an article I wrote back in 2021: The Healing Benefits of the 4F Trauma Types. In it I described each trauma type, how they developed, the challenges each type faces before they can unlock their unique gifts, and then what those gifts are. In this article we will be taking it to the next level – integrating with the positive characteristics of the other trauma types.
The following terms mentioned in this article are in Trauma Glossary 2:
- Dissociation
- Impostor Syndrome
- Self-Abandonment
- Shame Spiral
- Trauma Type (4F)
Where I Am and Where to Grow Using Trauma Types??
Let’s face it. Life is complex and full of challenges. In certain situations we must know when to assert ourselves (healthy Fight) and when to compromise (healthy Fawn). Sometimes we need to rely on our wits and perseverance (healthy Flight) and then relax and reflect (healthy Freeze). The problem for the trauma survivor (at first) is going outside the comfort zone of their original trauma types. Change is scary for everyone but especially for the trauma survivor. This tool can bring some much-needed assurance to those fears just by addressing which trauma type and the positive characteristic that seems doable for you in those foreseeable challenges. It can be as broad as everyday life challenges or as small as focusing on one particular goal.
Where I am and where to grow was a tool I developed for myself right before I went live with this site. I was plenty scared and full of self-doubt but I also knew that standing up to the abuser’s culture and helping people heal was my calling. So, it helped ground me as I forged ahead on introducing my brand to that great unknown world we call the internet. It also served as a sort of “map” on how to meet every challenge I was imagining for my uncertain future with my brand. Then it helped me integrate more with those positive characteristics of the other trauma types.
Why am I bringing this up? Because I will be using myself as an example as I guide you through ways of developing your own custom-made Where I am and Where to Grow map.
Ready? Let’s go!
Step 1: Where I Started: Identifying the Detriments of Each Type
Start with self-reflection. Which of the following types best describe you before you began your healing journey? Do it in order from what was your most dominant type to the least dominant. Most of us have a dominant type and then a secondary type. For example I used to work myself to exhaustion (Flight) and then dissociate via computer games; I also isolated a lot (Freeze). So, I was a Flight-Freeze type. My full order of hierarchy was Flight-Freeze-Fawn-Fight. Now do yours.
Fight Type Detriments:
- Dominant Emotion: Anger
- Core Belief: “I have to do it myself!”
- Actions: 1) Bluntly asserting to the point of bullying. 2) Dominates conversations and is a terrible listener. 3) Controls others because they believe everyone else is incompetent.
Flight Type Detriments:
- Dominant Emotion: Anxiety
- Core Belief: “I’m not good enough.”
- Actions: 1) Overcompensates by perfectionism and “self-improvement” quests. 2) All thinking and doing (workaholism). Rarely relaxes and enjoys the moment. 3) Tends to be in a hurry most of the time.
Freeze Type Detriments:
- Dominant Emotion: Depression
- Core Belief: “I give up.”
- Actions: 1) Isolates and/or keeps themselves aloof from social gatherings. 2) Tendency to daydream excessively. 3) Has a habit of dissociating via binge watching TV and/or excessive gaming.
Fawn Type Detriments:
- Dominant emotion: Shame
- Core Belief: “I’m bad.”
- Actions: 1) Overcompensates by self-abandonment and over-apologizing. 2) Minimizes their trauma on other people’s account. Example: “What I went through is nothing compared to what you went through.” 3) Struggles with validating themselves because they spend too much time seeing the other side’s perspective and not enough time seeing their own.
Step 2: Where I Am: Identifying the Positives of Each Type
This is where we start gaging our progress and fully acknowledge our growth. When we can see “Where I was and where I have grown” it builds confidence in our future. We are better equipped at setting realistic goals purely because we have done the self-discovery work to shift our thinking from “I can’t” into “I think I can”. So, Where I Am will help us see where to grow in the next step.
Which of the following positives best describe you now? Do you identify with other types that, before you began healing, had been dormant? That’s a sure sign of integration. So, congratulate yourself for it. That was what happened to me when my second and third trauma types swapped places – but more on that later.
Fight Type Positives:
- Leadership with Openness to Other Perspectives
- Strong Core Values
- Strong Boundaries
- Courageous
- Resilient
Flight Type Positives:
- Expertise
- Perseverance
- Endurance
- Disengages from Toxicity
- Confidence with Humility
Freeze Type Positives:
- Being Present
- Daily Mindfulness
- Wisdom
- Deeply Spiritual
- Calm Realist
Fawn Type Positives:
- Diplomatic
- Empathetic
- Compassionate
- Master of Tactfulness
- Clear Eye for Fairness
My own example with this step
Like I said, before I began healing, the order of my trauma types went like this. Flight-Freeze-Fawn-Fight. I began my healing journey in late 2018. Then by the time I sat down to create my Where I Am and Where to Grow tool, the year was 2021. The order of my trauma types had changed. Flight-Fawn-Freeze-Fight. My healing journey had taught me that my self-abandonment programming was so intense, that I was isolating just to protect myself from servitude. So, I had to do more than just learn the difference between helping people and people-pleasing. I also had to actively experience the difference.
Thanks to the support group I founded at the same time I began my healing journey, I was able to do just that. I discovered that as I was helping them and sharing everything I was learning along the way, it brought more meaning and fulfillment in my life than I had ever known. That led me to wanting to do more for my Complex-PTSD community than just run a support group. I wanted to help the masses and raise awareness. In other words, I developed a trusting relationship with my Fawn side. And since I was doing lots of educating in my support group, their feedback was building my confidence and overwriting the “I’m not good enough” thinking in my dominant type, Flight. So, I was ready to help others by sharing my knowledge with the world.
The problem was, I needed to gather the courage from my last trauma type (Fight).
Step 3: Where I Am and Where to Grow: Goal Setting
This is where we address three things. 1) What is it I want? 2) What must I rely on to get there? 3) What challenges am I foreseeing on getting what I want?
Create a four-column list, one for each trauma type, in order from your most dominant to your most dormant type. It might help if you use a notebook for maximum room. That way you can have your dominant and secondary type on the left sheet of paper and your last two types on the right sheet of paper. So, when you open your notebook, you can see your full map in a single glance. The power of having access to any tool in one glance cannot be understated. The left side addresses Where I Am and the right side addresses Where to Grow.
Now start with your dominant type and answer these questions. What are the positive characteristics you can rely on from this type for getting what you want? Can you name at least one daily habit you need from this type so that you will meet your goal? Are there any problems (real or imagined) you are foreseeing with this type? If so, name them.
Once you complete your list under your dominant type, start with your secondary type and list its complementary and/or helpful attributes to your main type’s list. Repeat this process with your third type and then most dormant. Keep going until all four columns are equally full.
My Example
My goal was to go live with my blog and to be consistent with publishing articles each week. The foreseeable challenges (real and imagined) were 1) doing this while still holding down my full time job. 2) Being attacked by the abuser’s culture for speaking the truth. 3) Making mistakes and/or being judged as stupid or incompetent. (Yes, my impostor syndrome had the power to trigger massive shame spirals.) 4) Workaholism and burnout.
So, under my main type, Flight I listed four positive characteristics I had that would help me get what I want. Knowledge seeker, perseverance, my ability to accomplish a ton of work in a short period, and being gifted at mapping (creating charts and diagrams). For my daily habit, I decided that I only needed to write 300 words a day, six days a week to put out one high-quality article per week. I also needed to start a social media page and post once a day to help promote my site. I also made sure to add my concerns (foreseeable challenges).
The first thing I listed under my main type, Flight was “knowledge seeker” and so, right next to knowledge seeker under Fawn’s column was “lead with heart”. That’s because when I attempt to share my information analytically, I tend to struggle putting two sentences together. However, when I think of my Complex-PTSD community, I find my flow. Then under Freeze I wrote “digest” as a reminder to slow down and take the time to digest my new learning. Finally, under Fight was a little affirmation I gave myself for my knowledge seeking. “My brain is my weapon.”
My Where I Am and Where to Grow Map
Notice how it started with what I listed in my main type’s column and then going directly across from each item was either help or assurance from the other trauma types. Oh, and just so we’re clear, it would take me almost two years after I started my site to finally start my social media pages. Between my anxieties and my time being stretched thin due to juggling the articles and full time job, it wasn’t feasible. I just wanted to share that tidbit because it’s okay to not meet every goal that you set. Things come up. Life happens and it doesn’t mean you’re a failure if you don’t meet a goal. In my opinion, goal setting for the trauma survivor should be more about the practice of setting goals and then learning how to set realistic expectations on ourselves.
This helps ground us as we do the scary work towards getting whatever it is we want, and it does something else too. It also helps familiarize ourselves with the other options that have always existed within us, purely by getting in touch with our most dormant – or better put, the repressed – type. Then we start integrating and navigating life with more options than those limited ones we used in our pre-healing days.
More Changes with Where I Am and Where to Grow
Don’t be surprised if a year or two from now, the order of your trauma types changes again. This has happened to me since 2021 when I created my first Where I Am and Where to Grow tool. Today, Freeze is my most dormant trauma type and Fawn and Fight are tied for second place. Whether one sees my Flight-Fawn or my Flight-Fight side depends entirely on who I’m dealing with and what we are discussing. Let’s just say that I consider myself a mama bear for my Complex-PTSD community and if anyone from the abuser’s culture comes at my community, I will rain on that abuser like a mama bear on crack.
It was accepting and developing a strong fight response that led me to start my YouTube channel and podcast. That wasn’t something I had even considered back in 2021. Today, my fight response demands that it’s time to raise some real awareness and use multiple platforms to do so. While I’m proud of my strengthened fight, it also shows where I am – three trauma types well integrated within me, but not so much with Freeze. So today, where to grow for me is that I should do a better job practicing self-care and relaxing (Freeze). We are all always growing and a continual work in progress.