Catastrophizing: Negotiating With Your False Prophet

Catastrophizing is what I refer to as False Prophet Syndrome. We imagine the worst case scenario and then it feels like a foregone conclusion. We lean into this prophecy, and give it our full attention. How could we not? There’s a threat up ahead! We see it so clearly in our mind’s eye. Terror grips us by the throat. We are living inside a waking nightmare. One wrong move and…

Cut scene! “I need more of everything,” False Prophet demands from the director’s chair. “Give me more fear! And explosions too. Where are my detonators? The universe is about to explode and we have no detonators! Where are my monsters? Why aren’t there any monsters on set?”

“But False Prophet,” we say meekly, “this is supposed to be a movie about how I end up living inside a cardboard box.”

False Prophet storms out of the shadows and onto the set, and then fixes us with its steely gaze. “This is my vision. And if I want the universe to explode with monsters in it, we will go there.”

We look down at False Prophet while it’s saying these words. We have to look down, because our movie’s director is a child – our inner child, to be precise. This tiny little person standing before us with big emotions and a big imagination.

Catastrophizing is Make-Believe We Fully Believe In

Catastrophizing will always be future focused, and we fear what might happen in that great unknown. We use our history to predict possible outcomes. So, when we’ve dealt with severe consequences in the past, we are using those memories to imagine severe consequences in our future. The good news is our predictions are completely unrealistic. But try and convince our False Prophet without triggering those big emotions and that big imagination.

This inner child will act out by flinging us into its make-believe future of gloom and doom. And once its emotions blend with ours, it’s almost impossible to spot the difference between what’s real and what’s nothing more than a child who’s scared to death. The False Prophet is demanding that we validate its fears and do something that will make it feel safe. And that’s why it has us trapped inside this futuristic time loop.

False Prophet with its Sidekick, Looping

Both looping and catastrophizing are in Trauma Glossary 2, which lists and defines the ongoing problems we may have. Since we’ve expanded somewhat on catastrophizing, let’s talk about looping for a moment. Looping is what gives the False Prophet its super power to trap us in a time loop. That’s because looping is the time loop.

When we’re looping without the False Prophet, the mind is stuck in a past loop. A painful memory comes up, and we can’t stop ruminating over it. Be it a shameful memory, a humiliating one, or one of past abuse, it keeps playing in our head over and over again. The best tool for looping is what I wrote in Master Toolbox 1. “To get oneself out of the loop, it’s important to ask oneself the following: ‘What happened next? Then what? And then what?’ Keep doing this several times until you work your way out of the loop.” And it works as long as we’re looping in a past memory.

However, when it’s working with our False Prophet, it’s the future worst case scenario loop we’re stuck in. So, that tool is rendered useless. We can’t ask this great unknown future, “What happens next?” because the False Prophet is supplying it. The False Prophet thinks it’s psychic, but it’s just a scared child. So, what can we do when we’re catastrophizing?

Negotiating with Our False Prophet

For many, just learning that the word catastrophizing exists, and that it defines an ongoing problem we have, our gloom and doom prophecies have less control of our lives. For others, nicknaming it False Prophet Syndrome supplies us with some comic relief. And humor is always a great tool for lowering the fear factor so that we can see more clearly.

And yet, sometimes we still get overwhelmed with fear but the doom and gloom “vision” isn’t coming in clear. In such moments, it tends to happen when we try new things that should lead to positive life changes. So, why on earth is our False Prophet acting up over something potentially good for our lives? The False Prophet is distrustful of any changes, because it only knows one type of prediction, and that’s by catastrophizing. But once we understand why the False Prophet is the way it is, and that it’s our scared inner child, we can start negotiating with it, and ultimately quell its fears.

Step 1: Say “Shh…”

This does not in any way imply that we are telling our inner child to “shut up” because that isn’t a nice thing to say to any child. But rather, we are saying “shh…” in the way that we would soothe an upset child. There’s something else that three-letter sound is doing. It’s encouraging the False Prophet to lower its emotional volume so that we’re better able to listen to it.

Fun Fact: Anxiety is information overload. It’s a rapid-fire thinker that’s capable of seeing every potential problem in a single glance. The more problems anxiety sees, the “louder” the thoughts, and the louder the thoughts, the higher the fears. That’s why those who struggle with anxiety are also prone to panic attacks. But you would be surprised by the power the self-soothing “shh…” has on the anxiety overwhelm. In fact, I was using this one in my pre-healing days to lower my anxieties and it helped quell that storm. I just never progressed to the other steps (which is why I stayed stuck) until after I started healing.

Step 2: Take a Break

The False Prophet needs a little time to decompress from its fears. So, find a distracting activity to do, even if it’s for twenty minutes. Give it some time to calm down so that it’s ready to listen to the adult. And it’s far more likely to listen to the soothing adult who is also giving it the time and space it needs to calm down.

Fun Fact: Catastrophizing and looping are almost always a sign that we are spiraling into executive dysfunction (which is also in Trauma Glossary 2). Once that spiral begins, we have two choices: 1) take a break or 2) keep stubbornly pushing through anyway until the spiral forces us to take a break. As someone who always chose option 2 in my pre-healing days, I can confirm that every project took three times longer to accomplish. At least those that I didn’t give up on due to the spirals. This mindfulness tool will help. (Go ahead, you can click on it. It’s free!) If you can catch yourself in the act, you can use that tool.

Step 3: Make a List

Now that the False Prophet has had some time to calm down, it’s the perfect time to make a list of what needs to be done. This is not the “to-do” list of the day. Rather it’s the overall broad steps that need to be taken in order to reach the desired goal. This is where we share our plans and the challenges we must face to make our lives better. And we are communicating with the False Prophet in the very language it knows best: list making! Be as detailed as needed, even if that means making a two-page list. Just make sure if it’s a two-page list, it’s on two pages instead of a single page. This way, the False Prophet can see everything in a single glance.

Fun Fact: List making is the best tool for managing anxiety. Do you know why? Anxiety’s messages to us are delivered at a frequency too fast for us to make sense out of it. So, when we make a list, we are dumping the information overload out onto paper where we can look it. And that’s how we translate anxiety’s messages. It also creates room in the brain so that we can think more clearly and make calm and rational decisions.

Step 4: Identify the Fears Using the List

We shared our perspective with the False Prophet. Now it’s the False Prophet’s turn to share its concerns with us. Give it a moment to look over the list. Don’t be surprised if we need to use step 1 a few times during this phase. We’re basically saying to the False Prophet, “I’m willing to listen to you, but I need you to use your inside voice.” Let the False Prophet point to anything on the list that it finds scary and make a little asterisk beside it. What if we end up making asterisks beside everything? That very well may happen. In that case, ask it these four questions:

1. “Rate the fear factor of each one on a scale of 1-10?” Then address those that rated highest and ask question 2.
   
   
2. “What’s the worst that could happen if we do this?” (Besides fearing that we will someday end up living inside a cardboard box.) Next, follow up with question 3.
   
   
3. “How realistic is this fear?” Be sure and use the self-soothing “shh” technique here, so that the False Prophet doesn’t feel invalidated. We are simply coaxing it outside that huge box of fear it’s living in to see a less frightening outcome. Once its worst fears have been fully addressed, look to those that rated lowest and then proceed to question 4.
   
   
4. “How scary are the lowest ranking fears to you now?” At least one, if not all of the lowest in ratings should drop even lower.

Fun Fact: If you complete this step, pat yourself on the back for doing a little IFS (Internal Family Systems), the self-therapy version. Do a little keyword search on IFS therapy, in case you’ve never heard of it. Because you won’t regret it. It’s highly effective.

Step 5: Use Minimizing Language on Each Action We Take

Now that the False Prophet feels seen and heard, proceed with caution. The False Prophet is still scared and will continue to act out. The only difference is, now it is putting forth a sincere effort at trusting our actions, albeit wearily. It’s as though the False Prophet is saying, while watching our every move, “What new experiences are you going to give me so that I can make positive predictions in the future?” There’s only one way to ease its fears. We have to prove it, little by slowly.

• Choose ONE thing on our list per day. But it must not consume the entire day. The False Prophet needs time to decompress and restore its modicum of safety.
  
  
• “I am JUST/ONLY doing this ONE thing.” Just, Only, and One are all examples of minimizing language. We are not minimizing the False Prophet’s fears, but we are minimizing the actions that we are taking. It’s a soothing reminder to the False Prophet that we are not risking our lives. We are just taking taking a baby step towards an outcome that could improve our lives.
  
  
• Be specific on amount of time or what the bite-sized goal is for the day. When we are catastrophizing, the last thing we need is to overwhelm ourselves with the very thing that’s triggering it. So, have a specific amount of time set aside and stick to it. Or, if the goal is learning, be specific on what that is and then stop for the day. In either case, use minimizing language. E.g. “I’m only going to do this one thing for twenty minutes.” (or) “I’m just going to learn what this one chapter in my book is trying to teach me.”

Step 6: Soothe, Reward, and Document!

Soothe the False Prophet by repeating steps 1 and 2. Think: baby getting those first shots. It’s a painful experience for the baby but it’s also necessary to protect it from measles, small pox, etc. So, we assure the baby that it’s all over, and that the baby is safe now. We allow the baby some time to decompress from the pain and maybe give the baby a little treat (Reward). No, I’m not saying that you should buy yourself a gift every day. (That gets expensive fast!) But any act of self-care counts as a reward. Be it a soothing bubble bath, gaming, or relaxing in front of your favorite show, all count as a reward.

Document that small baby step we took in step 5. A calendar with just enough room for small notations is the perfect tool for this. It gives us the ability to see in one glance each day we moved that needle a little bit closer to having a better life. (And we did not die, and we are still not living inside a cardboard box.) This is how we give the False Prophet new memories to use for its future predictions. The more we practice these steps, the less we will fall into the stranglehold of catastrophizing.