The memory keeper is not intentionally holding onto memories, they are simply those whose memories are without blank spots. They are able to recall without effort every trauma that they experienced and what they witnessed happening to others. There tends to be at least one in every dysfunctional family and it’s usually the scapegoat sibling. …
The Memory Keeper of Family Dysfunction Read More »
Trauma attraction is having an attraction to those who make us feel in some way similar to how we felt when we were raised in an adverse home. It’s a failure to see the value in peace. That’s because when we’re raised in chaos, we learn how to cope in chaos. Dissociating was our only …
Trauma Attraction and the Chaotic Nervous System Read More »
This article explores the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in context of Narcissistic Supply (NS) and its distinct primary and secondary forms. It contrasts how the NPD differs from non-disordered people in their need for and pursuit of NS. Normal and Pathological Narcissistic Supply NS is a term used to describe both a basic and universal …
The Nature of Narcissistic Supply – Primary vs Secondary Read More »
The Case For Maintaining Stigma and Judgement of BPD Behavior Cluster B individuals all deny obvious realities as part of their mind games. In BPD in particular, this takes the shape of insisting that things happened in a way that they feel justifies their intense emotions and abusive temper tantrums. These are not unconscious acts, …
BPD – My Feelings ARE the Facts Read More »
We hear of the domestic violence victim who stays or keeps going back to their abuser. And until we understand coercive control, we will keep asking, Why can’t they just leave? We are asking the wrong question. The victim is free to leave at any time in the physical sense. But coercive control is psychological …
Coercive Control is the Reason They Can’t “Just Leave” Read More »
Hyper-vigilance is a fear-based state of scanning for threats even in non-threatening situations. We tend to think of threats as the life-threatening kind. However, there are also the sort of threats that won’t hurt us physically and that’s why we often overlook these. We also tend to scan for threats to our emotional, mental, and …
Hyper-Vigilance: The Over-Guarding of the Self Read More »
Setting boundaries and holding firm to them is the greatest challenge in our Complex-PTSD community. That’s because our self-abandonment programming tends to run our life. Until we do the healing work, of course. You see, behind our programming is toxic shame. And so, when attempting to assert, it tends to trigger a shame spiral, or …
Setting Boundaries and Holding Your Position Read More »
True story time. In 2014, I shared my dirty little secret with my therapist. “I don’t like helping people.” Yes, I – who considers myself a servant to my Complex-PTSD community and gets much satisfaction from doing so – once said and fully believed my own words. That’s how severe my self-abandonment programming once was. …
Self-Abandonment: People Pleasing versus Helping People Read More »
Forgiving someone for a mistake is beautiful. It shows acknowledgement that we all make mistakes and we can relate to it in some way. However, a lifetime of intentional cruelty is not a mistake. If we cannot imagine treating others the way that someone treated us, forgiveness tends to feel like the F-word. The truth …
Toxic Forgiveness Stagnates the Healing Read More »
Sometimes thoughts get stuck in our heads and then we can’t think of anything else. We know this as ruminating, and it happens to everyone. But in complex trauma, it’s amplified. Not only does it happen more frequently, but the emotional overwhelm keeps us stuck there longer. That’s why ours is called looping in Trauma …
Looping: It’s Ruminating on Steroids Read More »
