Complex-PTSD vs. BPD: The Truth without the Gaslighting

The internet gaslighters would lead us to believe that borderline personality disorder is just another form of PTSD. They back it up with visual aids highlighting this argument. The most famous one being “Complex-PTSD vs. BPD”. Its blue and lavender circles merge into a long purple oval where all the similarities merge. It looks legit. No wonder the borderlines have weaponized it into censoring the words of the victims.

Even on some Complex-PTSD pages (False Advocates) such misinformation is touted as the gospel. One must question how “educated” such False Advocates for Complex-PTSD are on the very topic they’re representing. All it takes is some minor light reading to understand that all four Cluster B’s (Trauma Glossary 1) engineer Complex-PTSD in their children. Not just the narcissists, not two or three of the Cluster B’s. All four. This of course, includes borderlines.

Before any self-righteous apologists choose to comment on this, please educate yourself on the following article. It’s a history lesson (since 2013) on how the voices of those who were victimized by borderlines were silenced. Then follow that up with Debunking Their “Just Abuse” Argument, because that’s the reality of our current climate. Further reading can be found in Master Toolbox 1, scroll all the way down to Resources. Also noteworthy is that in Pete Walker’s famous book, he made references three times to both borderlines and narcissists. Spoiler Alert! He says they both engineer Complex-PTSD in their children. Need an education outside my site? Look up the Cambridge Study.

Now that the apologists have scurried off to nurse their aneurisms, let’s investigate what the internet gaslighters aren’t telling us.

Complex-PTSD vs. BPD: Thoughts and Feelings Define No One

This is what the internet gaslighters have been capitalizing on. Our thoughts, feelings and even our core beliefs are not what define us as people. While yes, those do influence our behaviors, how we choose to act on them is what truly defines us. Whether that behavior is irrational and erratic or stirs us into hyper-vigilance and avoidance is where the difference lies.

Interesting how the internet gaslighters take so much care emphasizing the thoughts and feelings of BPD. Yet they fail to follow through with all the behavior traits they have in common with the other Cluster B’s. So, before we get started on the differences in Complex-PTSD vs. BPD, let’s address our similarities. I even added a couple more that the internet gaslighters haven’t thought of.

What we have in Common with All Four Cluster B Disorders:

• Childhood with Toxic Validation/Invalidation*
• Understanding of Right vs. Wrong*
• Little to No Sense of Identity or Self-love (Negative Self-Image)
• Self- destructive “behaviors” (Self-Harm; Suicidal Tendencies)
• Dissociation/Paranoia
• Feelings of Emptiness and Sense of Numbness
• Emotional Dysregulation

They Know Right from Wrong

This argument doesn’t require a visual aid. Anyone who has been around a cluster B disorder knows that they can judge any conflict as an outside observer and determine who is and is not morally right. When they are the ones in the wrong is when they rationalize it as “different” and “justifiable”.

The Cluster B disorders mask in public and unmask (Trauma Glossary 1) behind closed doors. This proves they know what good behavior means. They simply care more about looking good than being good. This dual nature makes the children feel hopeless and invalidated. After all, who would believe them if they cried for help?

And yet, the internet gaslighters are pushing us, the child victims of Cluster B disordered parents, into not only tolerating them, but feeling sorry for them too. How many times have you heard Hurt people hurt people? If that’s really true, then why are the most common and troublesome symptoms of Complex-PTSD self-abandonment, vicious inner critic, and super-conscience? (All underlined terms are in Trauma Glossary 2.) How about: “The so-called personality disorders” and “They are all just the result of how they responded to their trauma.” Let’s explore these arguments now in our first of eleven visual aids:

Complex-PTSD vs. Cluster B Disorders: Toxic Childhood

The internet gaslighters fail to mention this one. Not all personality disorders are the result of trauma. New studies have revealed a genetic link and contrary to popular belief, this includes borderlines. Interesting how, with all the attacking on the internet, they lead with their trauma. They demand that we stop naming our trauma so that we can be more considerate of theirs. Whether they are the result of trauma or not is a moot point. There is no excuse for abuse.

One hundred percent of Complex-PTSD is the result of repeated trauma over an extended period of time. For a bunch of so-called “hurt people who hurt people” we spend a lot of time worrying about any traits we have in common with our Cluster B parents. And let’s not forget how quickly our community shuts down when the borderlines swamp the comments like an internet flash mob.

Complex-PTSD vs. Cluster B Disorders: Opposite Commonalities

“We need constant assurance!” I see the borderlines throwing this one around while they are attacking and demanding sympathy. All four Cluster B disorders have problems with their self-image. They love and validate themselves vicariously through other people (supply) because the void within is too great for them to truly love themselves.

Over time, our programming got stuck in chronic self-doubt. We dismiss positive feedback with “it doesn’t count” type of excuses, and yet how swiftly we internalize the negative. No wonder we isolate and avoid. With a headspace like ours, who needs enemies?

No one likes guilt or shame. Being held accountable or admitting we were wrong is painful and humiliating. Then there are the Cluster B disorders. Even constructive criticism feels like a personal attack. That’s why they react by attacking. Splitting and projection are weapons they use to fling the blame off them and onto anyone but themselves.

Since children are the easiest target of their splitting and projection, we grew up guarded for accountability. It’s how our super-conscience and vicious inner critic developed. Toxic shame tends to trigger a villain mentality, unlike the cluster B’s so-called victimhood. You will see how it works below.

Gaslighting, Anyone?

The old magnifying and minimizing technique known as gaslighting. Everyone has their own side in a conflict. The Cluster B’s just refuse to see anyone else’s. They minimize their own accountability so that they can attack and blame. On the rare occasions they apologize for something, they expect immediate forgiveness, even though they hold grudges. This is how they feed their victim mentality.

When a child is raised by gaslighting parents, it programs them into gaslighting themselves. Note how we gaslight ourselves in the same way our Cluster B parents gaslit us. This is the best example of how we see ourselves as villains and then use that to overcompensate by apologizing.

Self-Harm: Suicide Theater vs. Suicidal Ideation

If you read nothing else in Trauma Glossary 1, please read Suicide Theater. This was what the internet gaslighters were using all the way back in 2013 to manipulate the sympathy campaign for the borderlines. “Ten percent of them complete suicide” was their favorite excuse for raising awareness, urging everyone else to help them, and even shaming anyone who dared to say BPD was bad. And yet, they neglected to mention what was behind those facts. Suicide theater is what children and spouses of borderlines are all too familiar with. Just take it from me, a child of a borderline who has also been in four support groups with other children of borderlines.

Besides the suicide conundrum, let’s address the self-harm. It’s exactly the same motive as with suicide theater, except borderlines aren’t above putting their loved ones, or their loved ones’ property at risk. Finally, both Complex-PTSD and BPD are vulnerable to substance abuse. It’s a fact that alcohol and drug addiction tends to bring out the same personality traits of the Cluster B’s. Just ask the families of AL-Anon, or kids of parents who were addicted to crack, meth, cocaine, etc. They, too are recovering from major trauma. Personal accountability still applies, regardless of who the substance abuser is.

Complex-PTSD vs. BPD: Same Problems, Opposite Behaviors

Thoughts and feelings define no one. It’s worth repeating since empathy is both a thought and a feeling. I won’t even get into how much or how little empathy borderlines have compared to the narcissists, because it’s irrelevant. It’s worth pointing out though, that emotionally lashing out is not how we use empathy.

All cluster B disorders are emotional thinkers. So when emotional numbness strikes, they will go to great lengths to “feel alive”.

When we feel empty, we’re sensing a “void” within. We can’t quite place our finger on what’s missing, but it fills us with an urge to fill it in as best we can. So, we develop some form of an attachment disorder. It helps us feel grounded and tethered. It may be worth your time looking up Adult Attachment Disorders in Trauma Glossary 2, (What TG2 means in the visual aid.) because it’s the only term where I acknowledged borderlines have this as well. At the same time, it serves as another example of how we deal with our problems compared to the Cluster B disorders.

Complex-PTSD vs. Cluster B Disorders: Dissociation and Paranoia

Did you know that dissociating through lies is a real thing? I learned this when I was processing my age eleven trauma. I was a pathological liar at that age and I was always so ashamed of it. Then my therapist said that I was dissociating through lies. I was escaping my reality by telling tall tales about myself. This is not uncommon in children who live in adverse homes, especially if their “role model” is a pathological liar too. It’s unclear how many therapists who are treating their “so-called personality disorders” are aware of how prone their clients are to lying. Because the children of the “so-called personality disorders” can certainly confirm it.

The internet gaslighters have magnified hyper-vigilance and trust issues into paranoia. It’s a bit of a stretch, don’t you think?

Complex-PTSD vs. Cluster B Disorders: Foresight

This is the most authentic side you’ll ever see in a Cluster B disorder. That shocked facial expression the moment they realize there’s a consequence for what they just did is real. Poor impulse control is a byproduct of emotional thinking. This means they don’t stop and consider logic first. Now notice what happens in Complex-PTSD. Talk about a foresight overkill! That False Prophet Syndrome (AKA: Catastrophizing), alone is enough to talk us out of acting on our urges, including those that could create better outcomes. Now notice the opposite ways we both experience cognitive dissonance.

The purpose of this article was to validate you and hopefully, help you let go of some shame. We have enough toxic shame in our programming and the last thing we need are more internet gaslighters claiming our abusers are just like us. The truth is, they are nothing like us, and they can’t stand it.

To the internet gaslighters who have read this far: I fixed your visual aids for you. You’re welcome.