I’ve mentioned the value of the cognition sheet several times before. It’s listed in Master Toolbox 1 twice: both as a tool for alexithymia and again for transference. (Both underlined terms are in Trauma Glossary 2.) I even included it as a troubleshooting tool for working with our Broca’s Area (Trauma Glossary 3 under parts of the brain) after a disconnection. In Pardon My Broca: Troubleshooting in the Now, I closed with seven steps on how we can use the cognition sheet to retrieve our words. Cognitions are one of the major parts in The Branches of Healing. The cognition sheet is the easiest means of understanding our core beliefs.
Our beliefs are what influence our thoughts into feelings which lead to action (or inaction). Our thoughts are just as layered as our emotions. We simply don’t have words for all of them and therefore, we take them for granted. I assure you it’s quite normal, after all, we would have an overcrowded headspace if we had words for every thought in the moment. However, to understand our trauma responses and our flashback triggers, we need to understand what thoughts and beliefs are going on behind them. The cognition sheet can help us do just that.
What’s a cognition sheet and what does it do?
The cognition sheet is a two column list of thoughts and beliefs. The left side column are negative cognitions and the right side are the positives. It’s divided into four blocks:
- Responsibility/Defectiveness: This provides clues to our self-esteem and overall trust in ourselves. It can also give us words for what’s going on underneath our toxic shame (Trauma Glossary 2) or depression.
- Responsibility: Action: This provides clues to our sense of resiliency. It also gives us words for our sense of guilt, which can feed shame, but not necessarily.
- Safety/Vulnerability: This provides clues to our sense of trust in others. It also gives us words for what we’re thinking when we’re afraid.
- Control/Power/Choice: This clues us in on our confidence and our ability to assert ourselves. It’s how we see our world and our place in it. It can also help us understand what’s going on behind our learned helplessness (Trauma Glossary 2).
Now click here for your own cognition sheet because once I explain all of the other ways we can use it, you will want this tool.
Cognition Sheet for EMDR: What it Was Originally Created for
Right before we process any traumatic experience, our EMDR therapist shows us the cognition sheet. They ask us to find something in the negative column that best describes the thoughts we had during the event. For many of us, it’s our first time confronting the thoughts and beliefs that were going on beneath the chaos. This sheet is for giving you ideas on what those were. So, it’s okay if you discover one that isn’t listed.
Once we’ve figured out what that negative cognition is, our therapist asks us to search the positive column. This time, we’re asked to find one positive thought that can counter the negative. This depends entirely on what we want to get out of it. It doesn’t have to be straight across from the negative cognition, nor does it have to be in the same section. Let me show you an example by using my earliest traumatic memory, (known as the “cornerstone memory”) because it will also play into the next part on understanding transference.
My Cornerstone Memory: Age 4
I was in the kitchen, and I knew my borderline mother was going to beat my father again. I begged her not to, but she ordered me to shut up and sit on the bench (or was it a cooler? I’m still unsure.) which was just on the other side of the den. That was the room where the violence happened. The last thing she told me before charging into the den was, “Don’t you dare get up!” There was a wide-open archway between the den and kitchen. From where I was sitting, I couldn’t see the violence, but I could hear everything. I heard each hit and her loud, raging voice while my father hollered and pleaded with her.
“I am powerless/helpless” (under the Control section) was my negative cognition. It helped me realize that trauma was the very origin of my self-abandonment (Trauma Glossary 2) issues. So, I chose “I deserve to be happy” (Responsibility) as my positive cognition.
My Transference from the Cornerstone Memory
My whole life, I’ve been hit by severe panic attacks whenever I’ve witnessed someone die. At age nineteen, I watched my grandfather die. Though he went peacefully, I paced back and forth like a caged animal, hiding myself behind anyone and anything as often as I could.
In 2017, one of my coworkers suddenly slumped over, lost consciousness, and stopped breathing. Management called 911 while several people tried to revive him. Minutes ticked by and my coworker’s face went from red to purple. That’s when I realized I was witnessing a dying man. So, I ran upstairs, and I hid. I spent a week afterwards plagued by mind and body disconnection (“dissociation not otherwise specified”). My first day back at work, I had my first, and to date, only experience with visual flashbacks. The different types of flashbacks can be found in Trauma Glossary 2. It’s worth noting that I was able to define visual flashbacks based on that very experience.
Transference: What am I Flashing Back to?
Transference is confusing because it’s displaced trauma. That’s when we become triggered by events that are seemingly unrelated to our memories. When we’re in a flashback, we are overwhelmed by our emotions. This makes us less aware of our thoughts in the moment. Often, our cognitions act as the fuse for the triggering event, which in turn sparks the emotional overwhelm. The cognition sheet can help provide context behind what’s going on.
Unlike EMDR, where you’re encouraged to choose only one cognition per column, it’s the opposite when working through transference. Your emotions are being overwhelmed by multiple thoughts. You just have to find what they are. Don’t forget the sheet is designed to help you find your words, including those that are not listed. Are certain cognitions triggering images? Or perhaps you’re discovering single words that are driving the emotions? Go with that, give it space. Because the cognition sheet gave me images and single words that helped me understand where my panic attacks were coming from.
How I Connected the Dots
My panic attacks had worsened over the years and I wanted to know why. So, I reviewed my cognition sheet. Three hits under Safety: “I am in danger.” “I am not safe.” “I am going to die.” This sparked a series of single word images: torture, suffering, and then evil intent. I looked at my cognition sheet and one more hit home: “I am powerless/helpless.” That’s when it all came together. My panic attacks now had a narrative: At age four, I was imagining every worst case scenario that my mother was doing to my father, including murder. So, the transition between life and death was sending me back to that moment each time.
How to Use the Cognition Sheet for Ongoing Growth and Development
Step 1: Start Getting to Know Yourself
So, you’re ready to work on reframing your thoughts by using the cognition sheet. The first step is establishing clarity: how you see yourself (Responsibility) and your place in it (Safety and Control). Think about how you perceive yourself in general as you look at the sheet.
- Start with the positive column. Which ones are you rejecting in haste? That’s your critic (Trauma Glossary 2) roaring to life. It’s feeding you false information that you are the opposite of whatever the positive cognition is.
- Now look to the negative column. What cognitions are slamming home for you the most? (e.g., “Oh yes, this is definitely a thought I always have.”)
- Consider them both together, the positive cognitions you’re rejecting on autopilot and the negative cognitions you’re just as swiftly internalizing. These are the beliefs that are directing your life. So, now what? If you’ve only just begun your inner critic work, chances are you have quite a list of negative cognitions. And you may have rejected every one of the positives. Please rest assured that this is common in CPTSD. It isn’t called the vicious inner critic for nothing.
- The next and ultimate step is to review those cognitions and locate which ones add up to the core problem. This is the set of cognitions that will be your primary focus. Hold on to them. Turn them into your daily mantra. This will affect what you notice and how you notice it.
- In the meantime, proceed to Step 2. There’s some practice you must do in order to manifest Step 3, when you finally catch yourself in the act of working through your core problem.
Helpful Tips and My Example
If you’re unsure where to begin, knowing your 4F Trauma Type might help. I created four visual aids here that can act as a quick reference guide, just in case you’re unsure what your trauma type is. The reason I’m suggesting this is, it can help you understand your inner and outer critic, as well as your dominant emotion. Consider how the Responsibility block concerns the inner critic, Safety concerns fear vs. trust, and Control is concerned with confidence.
I remember looking at the sheet for the first time and being in awe of the positive control cognitions. I couldn’t imagine having that level of confidence, but I needed those in my life if I wanted to be successful. However, to gain access to those coveted control cognitions, I first had to confront my core problem. Being an extreme Flight Type, I never felt like I did a good enough job on anything. That’s because my core problem was that I never believed I was good enough. So, feeling good enough about myself became my primary focus.
Step 2: Daily Check-in Tool: It Counts as Mindfulness Practice!
In Master Toolbox 1 (under tools for Dissociate) I defined mindfulness as “that which trauma brain most despises but is the most essential tool for recovery.” So, it requires a willingness to practice it for a little while each day. The best way I’ve found is taking a moment to reflect on my day by using the cognition sheet.
How we use this is like the seven steps I listed in Pardon My Broca; except we’re not using it to retrieve our lost words. It’s to gain an understanding of why we do some of the things we do. Here is how:
- Reflect on the events of your day and think about the emotions that were triggered, both good and bad.
- Now look at your cognition sheet. Which ones were triggered?
- For the negative cognitions: Can you recall the earliest time you developed this belief? (It’s okay if you can’t.)
- For each negative cognition: Try to find at least one positive cognition that can counteract the negative.
- If any positive cognitions were triggered: Consider the event. Was it something you did? Did it involve someone else? This is how you practice retaining the positive cognition. Taking a few minutes to fully review the event and the positive cognition will go a long way in developing confidence, self-esteem, and trust.
- Compliments are positive cognitions too: Capture them! Write them down or record them in a digital file. Start a collection of “Compliment Quotes”. Think of it as gathering evidence against your vicious inner critic. The more you add, the more you will understand that there’s a difference between how you see yourself vs. how others see you. Believe me, this is rocket fuel for shrinking the critic.
How Mindfully Reflecting Creates Positive Memories
What we remember in our daily lives and how we choose to remember it has a deeper impact than you might think. Consider our self-esteem issues. The reason we struggle with it is because we find excuses to dismiss the wonderful things people tell us. We do this so quickly, that their positive feedback never stands a chance at becoming a declarative memory. So, if we only retain the negative experiences, we are simultaneously creating a negative outlook. These four visual aids I created on how our memories affect us and what we can do about it can act as a quick reference guide for you.
The more you practice the six steps of reflecting on your day, the sooner you will increase your self-awareness. It’s a simple and organic means of developing your mindfulness skills. This process leads to the next stage, because as you’re using the cognition sheet for self-understanding, you’re getting more familiar with the cognitions. This is when you will begin catching yourself in the act of experiencing one or more of them.
Step 3: Catching Yourself in the Act
Whatever it is we are doing, we start catching it in the moment. It will feel something like this: “Hey, what I’m doing right now is triggering a cognition. Why?” The more you practice, the more questions you will be able to answer. Don’t be surprised if you notice the negative cognitions first. It’s “normal” for critics like ours. Keep going!
Eventually, you will catch yourself in the act of triggering a positive cognition. Spoiler Alert: it’s going to be ridiculously mundane. It was there the whole time, you simply never noticed it for what it was. That moment you find what you’re doing that’s triggering a positive cognition is not something to take for granted. Whatever it is you’re doing, work on ways you can fit that into your daily life. If it’s already a part of your daily life, practice being mindful of that positive cognition while you are doing it.
I found mine by working through something on my dry erase board. I had long found ease out of using it because it helped me organize my thoughts. But it never occurred to me that I was triggering the cognition for which I was searching: “I am okay as I am.” I realized one day that I felt okay with myself in the moment. That’s when I decided to I needed to use my dry erase board more often, and it made all the difference. Accepting myself as good enough helped me finally unlock those positive control cognitions that I really wanted.
Actively experiencing your positive cognition is key to internalizing it. Think of it as “exposure therapy” but instead of the traditional sense of desensitizing yourself to a traumatic event, you’re sensitizing yourself to a positive belief. Positive exposure therapy, how cool is that?
This is excellent!!!!!