Dissociative AD (Attachment Disorder) is an intentional attachment to activities that take us out of the present. In other words, it’s a conscious choice and we have control over it.
When we think of dissociating we usually think of the mind going blank suddenly and without warning. Like someone yanked the plug, the brain shuts down for a moment. Then it “reboots” and the brain is back online and the mind returns to the present. This is the dissociation that we have no control over.
The next rung up is the wandering mind. And that’s when we drift off inside our head when we need to pay attention to something or someone. Though we don’t always do this on purpose, we do remain conscious and there is a modicum of control.
Then there are dissociative, or distracting activities. These are anything that take our mind out of the present. We are surrounded by them in our modern world, from our television to our game console, or even scrolling through social media. Dissociative activities are anything that take us out of the present moment. Does this mean that anyone who watches a show or plays on their gaming console has Dissociative AD? Of course not.
Stress is a part of life. So, we all need a break from reality. Entertainment or play time on the gaming console can help us unwind and recharge our batteries so that we’re able to return to the present. Dissociative AD, on the other hand, is escaping reality every chance they get. It’s as though they are saying to the present “I reject you.” They see the world as cruel and unwelcoming. So, they develop a false sense of security in the only way they know. By living inside their head.
A Note on Attachment Disorders
In the introductory article for this series, we used seven visual aids to compare attachment styles and how they impact our perception of our outer world. Then we showed how it begins with our childhood programming. If our needs were met, we have a solid foundation and a more positive outlook. But if our needs were not met and we could not bond with our caretaker, we have “missing information” in our programming. So, we tend to get more attached to meeting one need and whatever works for meeting that need. It’s more than a failure to know what’s missing. It’s a failure to know how to respond to having other needs met.
All attachment disorders have addictive and compulsive behaviors. However, not all addictions and compulsions automatically point to an attachment disorder. So, substance abuse, overeating, gambling, porn, compulsive buying, and even workaholism are addictive behaviors. These are all coping mechanisms that temporarily fill in the “void.” Attachment disorders take them to the next level. The addictive behavior is used as a means of establishing their identity and security. For without it, there is no Self and there is no security.
Each attachment disorder turns the focus on either a person, activity, or object. In our last article, we explored hoarding (here) which is turning the focus on objects. Hoarders have an addiction to acquiring. They define the Self through owning these objects, their only source of comfort and security.
Dissociative AD: Right vs. Left Brain
Dissociative AD is turning the focus on distracting activities and they are defining the Self through what they do. They have an addiction to living inside their head and keeping the mind occupied. It’s a strategy for coping in a world that they see as having nothing to offer them and there is nothing they can do about it. So, they create a rich and vivid world inside their head and choose activities that stimulate this inner world. Their choice activities depend on which side of the brain they are using to dissociate. And there is a vast difference between the two.
Right Brain Dissociation
The right side of the brain is where we use our imagination and creativity. But when we are using this side of our brain to dissociate, we are looking for activities that stimulate the fantasy world. Think other people’s imagination. Or other people’s creations. So, television shows and online gaming are the most common forms of right brain dissociation.
Like I said in the opening though, everyone does this to some degree. Dissociative AD (if they are choosing right brained activities) does this excessively. Other people’s creations are the stand-in for human connection. They are the “new experiences” that help enrich their inner world. And it goes without saying that this type of Dissociative AD is prone to excessive daydreaming.
Left Brain Dissociation
The left side of the brain is where we use our logic. It’s where we think, learn, and plan. We don’t usually think of this side when we think of dissociation, but thanks to Pete Walker, we now know otherwise. This type of dissociation believes that the world has nothing to offer them and there is nothing they can do about it for now. That’s why they reject the present just as much as those who choose right brain dissociation. But unlike right brain, left brain dissociation refuses to give up. They believe that someday the world will open up to them and they will have more control in that world.
So, their rich and vivid inner world is future focused and it motivates them to keep trying harder. In other words, perfectionism. Their choice activities are knowledge seeking and busyness. This enriches their inner world and makes it feel more obtainable, even as the goal posts keep moving. And no matter what they do or how much they learn, they never feel like they are quite good enough. At least for now. But ah! That vague but beautiful someday!
All attachment disorders are addictive behaviors taken to the next level. Workaholism and mental processing addiction (Trauma Glossary 2) are left brain addictions. But not all workaholics and “knowledge junkies” will have Dissociative AD. If we keep in mind that Dissociative AD is actively rejecting the present, then we can spot the difference between addictive behavior and attachment disorder. When it is time for the workaholic and perpetual knowledge seeker to unwind, the one with Dissociative AD will choose to do so with right brain dissociative activities.
5 Ways Dissociative AD Gets Stuck in a Rut
1. Outer World Perception Worsens Over Time
When we see the world as a threatening place, it’s natural to cope through the imagination. The imagination is a beautiful place but we aren’t meant to live there. As we feed this rich inner world, it becomes even more beautiful. And this causes reality to appear even uglier by comparison. Over time, our sense of reality is drained of all life, while the inner world is filled with adventure and spark. We become easily bored in the present and the urge to check out is powerful.
2. Disoriented When Returning to the Present
Any time we dissociate there is that momentary shock when returning to the present. If we drift into a fantasy world and then someone snaps us out of it, for example, we might respond with irritation. If for no other reason than “How dare they yank me from my beautiful inner world and force me to see this hideous thing called reality!” Depending on how long we’ve been “in the zone” our return to the present can appear a little eschewed and we can’t quite place our finger on what it is. It isn’t uncommon for those who have spent several hours left brain dissociating to see the world as moving suspiciously slower than usual. That’s because of the stress hormone, norepinephrine (Trauma Glossary 3 section 3) that’s activated whenever we are in that “flow state.”
One comical example using right brain dissociation is in this 4 minute clip. It’s from the 90’s TV show, Friends. In this episode, Joey and Chandler binge watch porn. A special shoutout to OhMySweetTV, who was responsible for splicing together the Joey and Chandler scenes. This way, we get to see their full story arc in a span of only four minutes. Notice how, in the last clip, they confided their eschewed sense of reality to each other. Chandler was shocked that the “hot” bank teller “Didn’t ask me to go do it with her in the vault.” Then Joey confides his amazement that the pizza delivery woman gave him the pizza, took the money, and just left. “No nice apartment, I bet your bedrooms are huge?” quips Chandler.
Whichever side of the brain we are using to dissociate, our return to reality can feel just as confusing. The brain needs time to recalibrate. So, we’re “living in” both worlds until it does.
3. Time Flies When We Dissociate
The biggest lie we tell ourselves right before engaging with a dissociative activity is, “Just a few minutes.” But it is never just a few minutes when we dissociate. I like comparing it to the legend of the Fae World. Anyone familiar with fantasy fiction knows that when a character spends a few minutes in the Fae World, weeks, months, or even years have passed in the human world. Gamers, especially are familiar with this one. They sit down to play and the next thing they know, several hours have passed. Left brain dissociation does this too. Just last night, I was working on my upcoming history comic for this site. It was flowing so well, it didn’t register how long I had been working until I realized it was midnight.
Obviously, we need some activities that help us unwind, refresh us, and help us create something meaningful. But too much of anything is never a good thing. When we dissociate too much, we are at risk of our whole lives passing us by with nothing to show for it.
4. Impacting Our Brain Science
Everything we do affects our neuropathways, or brain science. Every day we are training our brains on what to think and how to respond. The more we do any particular thing, the brain gets used it and expects more of that in our lives. So, as we increase our habits of intentionally checking out, our brain thinks we are supposed to do this in the present. And that’s how we end up with the wandering mind mentioned in the opening. We end up spending even less time in the present than we meant to. This creates more confusion and more distorted perceptions of our world.
5. We Become Our Habits
Who am I when I’m not doing this activity? How do I value myself without this in my life? These core beliefs drive us to keep doing it because it’s our sole lifeline. And until we dare to explore other facets of life long enough to consider what else we can do, we will continue to feed this vicious cycle. Until we learn that we are more than what we do, we won’t grow, and we won’t thrive.
Further Reading and Tools
If you would like more insights as a “case study” on Dissociative AD, I share my story here. It’s a companion article to this one, much in the same way my book hoarding story was a companion to the last article on hoarding. Both attachment disorders developed at the same time, in 1996. I spent most of my time left-brain dissociating. So, both workaholism and the most intense mental processing addiction in all history were my choice activities.
There are tools for Dissociate in Master Toolbox 1.
You may also appreciate Master Toolbox 2, which is all about opening our neuropathways. I recommend starting with tools for the Thalamus in section 1.
And, speaking of the thalamus and our brain science, I wrote a series of articles on the most important parts of the brain for treating trauma. The Thalamus: That Part of the Brain that Interprets the Present and as you can gather from the title, the thalamus is a pretty big deal where dissociation versus mindfulness is concerned.