There’s no doubt that psychology has made great advances over the years. Many have contributed to how we view trauma and to creating more effective treatments. But research will always be ongoing, and on that we can also agree. So, when we forget that our leading contributors don’t have all the answers, we tend to call them “experts”. And the problem with expert-thinking is that there’s a tendency to use everything they say in a way that limits our perspective instead of advancing our understanding. It creates a mainstream narrative, a hidden paradigm that’s dismissive of independent thinking.
My article on the Dunning-Kruger effect of the 1990s quack treatments was a warning of what happens when we put too much blind faith in the so-called “experts”. At the end of that article, I left you with three points to consider in a modern Dunning-Kruger effect. But I had so much more to say on point 3, I had to create a fresh article addressing it.
Lastly, always consider who is considered the leading authority on our problems at this time. Are others in that field sharing their independent insights or are they just regurgitating the same information from today’s leading authority?
It is also perfectly acceptable to agree with most of the information while still disagreeing with a few points made by the same source.
The Dunning-Kruger Effect: A History Lesson of Psychology
The 1990s had their own mainstream narrative. Dr. Susan Forward, author of Toxic Parents was the leading authority. Her insights into the pain and damages that toxic parents inflict on their children was validating. However, the second half of that book, with step-by-step instructions on how to heal from it was anything but. Then, other psychologists who wanted to sell their books were parroting the same treatment plan. This created an overwhelming vacuum effect in the psychology community. “If all the ‘experts’ are pushing the same treatment plan,” they reasoned, “then it must be true.” Except it wasn’t. And many adult survivors of childhood trauma were invalidated as a result of a one-size-fits-all treatment plan that simply wasn’t working but no one could accept it.
One could say it was like a real-life re-imagining of that old fairy tale: The Emperor’s New Clothes. And the Emperor was naked once again…
Today’s Mainstream Narrative, the Hidden Paradigm
In 2014, not one, but two phenomenal books were published. Complex-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker, M.A., MFT and The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, M.D.. And both are considered leading authorities to this very day. But one has inspired fresh insights since 2014 while the other has done the reverse, a Dunning-Kruger effect on the mainstream narrative.
Pete Walker’s book is the reason we now know about the fourth trauma response, which is Fawn (self-abandonment, people-pleasing). I recently saw a meme that introduced a fifth trauma response called “Friend”. Chapter 11 of his book very briefly touched upon the concept of having blocked emotions. That small piece inspired me to explore that topic and eventually create an article on blocked grief and blocked anger, what they are, how they developed, and what we can do about it. These are only a few examples of taking Pete Walker’s work and growing with it instead of using it to limit us. Let’s not forget what else he has given us: trauma language! Thanks to him, we now know there are words for what happened to us, and problems we may have as a result. This has opened doors for others to add more terms.
Bessel Van der Kolk’s book has blown the doors off how we used to look at trauma. His extensive research and experience has helped us understand that trauma is stored in the body. It impacts our nervous system, our hormones, and alters our brain chemistry. It is thanks to his research that we have more effective treatment options that go beyond mere talk therapy. But while newer treatments are continually coming out, (growing with) certain phrases he used in his book have been turned into today’s cognitive bias.
Our new naked Emperor…
The Dunning-Kruger Effect: Take Two
How often have we seen or heard internet psychologists using the same buzzwords?
- The so-called “personality disorders”
- Hurt people hurt people
Both are from Bessel Van der Kolk’s book. Wherever there is tunnel vision, there is also missing information. So, what are these psychologists not talking about? They seem to have nothing to say about the children and spouses of the so-called “personality disorders”. But neither did Bessel Van der Kolk. It’s also important to note that since 2014, new studies are revealing a genetic link in borderline personality disorder. (See citations at the end.) This is not to invalidate anyone’s trauma, but it does point towards the simple fact that not all the so-called “personality disorders” are the result of childhood trauma.
And yet, these so-called “trained professionals” are still pushing this mainstream narrative from information that’s already out of date. “Hurt people hurt people” is a grossly over-generalized term they are using to behavior-level victims and abusers. It’s a means of doling out the victim card to all abusers and accusing the victims of being just like them. All hurt people are fully capable of making honest mistakes that are forgivable. Not all hurt people spend a lifetime committing intentional harm and cruelty to people. All hurt people have choices, even the so-called personality disorders. And not all hurt people are without a conscience.
I am not discrediting The Body Keeps the Score. After all, it’s the very reason we have Trauma Glossary 3. I am, however, calling attention to the same cognitive bias of the 1990’s. Everyone was using Dr. Susan Forward’s book as a means of limiting instead of building upon her insights. It is happening again with these internet psychologists looking for the same clout. But they are forfeiting independent thinking to achieve it.
Normalizing Abusers
The Mainstream Narrative created the Hidden Paradigm. Unspoken rules, underlying assumptions, the forbidden area, the blind spots – what are they? One seems to be that everything has a cure, we just don’t know what it is yet. Another is the tendency to refuse to call a person evil, even when the person consistently acts evil and lacks a conscience. A third is that those who do evil regularly don’t actually want to do it. A fourth is that nearly 100% of research on BPD, for instance, is based on self reporting. Hallmark symptoms of BPD is not grasping reality and facts, which is proven by the fact that a major skill they teach in DBT is “check the facts”. BPDs are also notorious liars, although another blind spot is to trust that they actually believe their distorted reality and aren’t really lying.
These blind spots seem to be well intentioned, and maybe that is why they are leading the psychological community to hell at the moment. You see, the current discussion around trauma and BPD is to attempt to merge trauma diagnoses (PTSD, CPTSD) with BPD. We are back to putting victims and abusers on the same level, because “hurt people hurt people.”
Now that the mainstream narrative is using the so-called “personality disorders” and hurt people hurt people synonymously, both the narcissists and borderlines are being whitewashed. They are saying, “Narcissistic abuse doesn’t exist” because “We are all a little narcissistic.” This sounds like projection to me. 1) There are no mandatory psych exams for therapists who are treating trauma survivors. 2) The statistic that I read eight or so years ago (which has mysteriously disappeared from the internet since) stated that one in three therapists are cluster B disorders.
Where Do We Fit in the Mainstream Narrative?
“There is no excuse for abuse” is gaining popularity. It’s one that I stand by firmly because it’s common sense. If we use trauma and/or “mental illness” as a means of absolving all abusive behaviors, where do we draw the line? I do believe that no excuse for abuse will one day overthrow the current mainstream narrative. Just not yet. And hopefully those internet psychologists will realize how their “hurt people hurt people” regurgitation has hurt the victims of their so-called “personality disorders”.
Ask any child of a BPD or NPD. They will tell you the reason why, among the most common and troublesome symptoms of CPTSD are self-abandonment and a super-conscience (Trauma Glossary 2) are because we are scared to death of being anything like our abusive parents. The so-called “hurt people” who actually do hurt people.
This has created so much confusion and division in my Complex-PTSD community due to the even more popular mainstream narrative that’s touted in a single word: inclusion. Of course we should never leave out good and non-abusive people. But by behavior-leveling abusers and victims, the so-called personality disorders are invading our spaces. This should come as no surprise, considering the so-called personality disorders are notorious for violating boundaries. Inclusion, combined with the behavior-leveling are robbing my CPTSD community of their right to say “no”.
The false advocates for CPTSD are allowing the cluster B disorders to swarm in their comment section unchecked, all in the name of inclusion. But by including these hurt people who hurt people, they are excluding a specific demographic of the CPTSD community. The children of BPDs. Because everyone knows that none of the Cluster B’s hate raid the victims for speaking out and sharing their stories like the borderlines. Yet no one is addressing it.
Calling it Out Because Someone Needs to
It is unclear why so many false advocates are excluding victims of BPDs on behalf of the BPDs. Perhaps they, like psychology’s mainstream narrative, are unaware of the fact that borderline abuse is just as real as narcissistic abuse. There are resources that can educate them, but they seem to continually ignore them.
Here is a psychologist on YouTube describing what happens when we’re raised by a borderline.
Here is a psychologist speaking Espanola on being raised by a borderline.
Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson is available on Amazon.
So is this book. Surviving the Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Frieda Friedman, PH.D., LCSW.
And let’s not forget that in Pete Walker’s book, he mentions three times that both narcissistic and borderline parents do significant damages to their children. It makes me wonder how educated these false advocates really are. Unless they are – as I suspect – a so-called personality disorder who is running a social media page under the guise of advocating for CPTSD.
Well, as an adult child of a borderline mother and enabler father, I have recently started advocating on social media. I created this meme not too long ago for both Facebook and Instagram.
Whether we learn we were raised by a narcissist, borderline, histrionic, psychopath, or sociopath, we will never forget the moment our whole childhood clicked for the first time. These names, whatever they are, help us make sense of the senseless atrocities we survived.
Citations
BPD genetics: four total articles…