EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. You may wonder, what does the first half (eye movement) have to do with the second half? Well, when we are in a deep sleep, our eyes move back and forth, especially while dreaming. We call this REM (Rapid Eye Movement). The theory holds that we are processing our day when we dream. So, EMDR mimics this back and forth eye movement while we process our memories.
It sounds like hypnotherapy, but it isn’t. You see, in EMDR we stay grounded in the present while we process the traumatic event. We are simply doing so while the therapist is directing our back and forth eye movements. Do bear in mind, however that the eye movement in this type of therapy will make the traumatic event feel more intense and vivid. This is why in each session, we take breaks every five or so minutes and go to “safe place” in our minds for a minute or two. Then back to processing, and so on.
How we achieve “safe place” in EMDR is pretty amazing, and I will explain that once we get into EMDR’s 8 phases. (Next week.) But for now, and just as an overview, EMDR’s purpose is working with memories that cause high emotional disturbances, known as Big T traumas. The memories that feel closer in time than the reality. If our brain is a filing system, our painful memories have been placed in the wrong timeline. Misfiled in the present instead of the past, where it belongs. And that’s what causes our flashbacks. So, as we Reprocess the painful memory, the emotional disturbance lowers (Desensitize). The memory is filed into its correct timeline.
How do we imitate REM in these EMDR sessions?
Each therapist uses different tools to achieve this back-and-forth eye movement in session. We call this bilateral stimulation. Some use a pair of flashing strobe lights. Some use tapping. Others move a finger back-and-forth and we follow their finger with our eyes during session. My therapist used a pair of vibrating pads, one for each hand. They were about an inch in diameter and I held them in my hands while he controlled the vibration frequency. I must say that I liked the vibrating pads because it gave me the benefit of closing my eyes and visualizing the scene more deeply.
The therapist is also in control of the speed of our eye movement. They tend to start slow and then gradually increase the speed with their tool. The strobe lights flash faster, the tappings increase, the finger moves back-and-forth more quickly, or the pads vibrate with increased frequency. So, when we take those breaks and go to “safe place” we are also checking in with our therapist, who needs to know how we are feeling. Has our safe place restored us, or are we experiencing emotion overwhelm? If we feel restored, our therapist may keep the same frequency or increase it. If we’re experiencing overwhelm, the therapist may decrease the frequency or take an extended break from EMDR processing.
Why We Should Never Start with EMDR
I cannot reiterate this enough. Do not choose EMDR as your first trauma informed therapy. Choose it as your second or third therapy instead. Having a strong foothold on our trauma is important before we attempt EMDR. What does this mean? It means we need to develop:
1) The all-important Window of Tolerance. Understand what ours is, and work on building and maintaining it.
2) An improved sense of who we are.
3) Gain clarity over what happened to us and understanding the types of abuses we suffered. (Trauma Glossary 1 is a great starting point.)
4) Develop an understanding of the ongoing problems we may have as a result of our trauma. (Trauma Glossary 2 is a great starting point.)
5) Explore ways we can practice more self-compassion. What can we do about some of our problems and where are we still struggling?
EMDR has the power to bring closure to our major traumas. But if we start this one prematurely, it has the power to retraumatize us instead. Just check out the common side effects, no matter how much healing work we have done prior.
EMDR Side Effects
The sessions are intense! The traumatic memory “feels like” time traveling, and we are back in that moment when we felt small and powerless. This is the very reason we take so many breaks in each session and go to safe place. It’s also worth noting that some images that pop up in our minds during session can be downright weird.
Fatigue and tiredness during or after session. Taking a nap after each EMDR session is strongly recommended. So is drinking plenty of water.
Vivid dreams that are also downright weird. EMDR mimics our REM state in session. So, this carries over into our natural REM sleep. It helps us further process what we got from our session while dreaming.
Shower time and driving can also bring up more emotions. There is something about these two moments that bring up fresh insights and eureka moments. But where EMDR is concerned, the mind wanders and the next thing we know, we are processing the traumatic event while driving or showering. I know this got me most while I was going through EMDR. Many times I spent crying while driving. There were a couple times in particular where I had to pull over and cry it out because the meltdown was impairing my driving.
Hyper-sensitivity that triggers more intense flashbacks. Due to the intense sessions, it tends to spill into our daily lives. Whatever thoughts and feelings were attached to the memory are easily triggered by something mundane. We may find certain things that never bothered us before are suddenly painful. But I assure you, this is temporary, though its longevity varies person to person. For some, it has only lasted a couple of days, and for others, it has lasted over two weeks.
EMDR is “Typically” Fast
EMDR is designed to move fast. Processing all our Big T traumas tend to take – on average – weeks up to months. It is not uncommon for one memory to be fully reprocessed in two or three sessions. But bear in mind that it all depends on how much processing certain memories need from us before we achieve desensitization. It also depends on the number of extended breaks we need from EMDR processing. Because that, too will sometimes happen. So, if it takes longer than average, that’s okay too.
My EMDR period was eight months and that’s longer than average. But then again, I was stubborn when I first started healing and insisted on EMDR as my first therapy. My emotions paid a steep price and we had to take a two and a half month long break when we processed my summer of 1986 trauma. (It rendered me temporarily paranoid that my borderline mother was coming to get me.) As I mentioned in my last heal-along, we had no idea I was alexithymic until post-EMDR. Had I explored other therapies first, I’d have developed a better understanding of myself. I’d have been better prepared for the benefits of EMDR. Instead, I was retraumatized. So, as always, please learn from my mistakes.
EMDR Can Also Help Us Remember More
EMDR can help fill in the gaps we have in certain memories. I learned this one when we processed my age four trauma. My whole life, I had only remembered this much.
I was in the kitchen, and I knew my borderline mother was going to beat my father again. I begged her not to, but she ordered me to shut up and sit on the bench (or was it a cooler? I’m still unsure.) which was just on the other side of the den. That was the room where the violence happened. The last thing she told me before charging into the den was, “Don’t you dare get up!” There was a wide-open archway between the den and kitchen. From where I was sitting, I couldn’t see the violence, but I could hear everything. I heard each hit and her loud, raging voice while my father hollered and pleaded with her.
The Cognition Sheet: More Reasons it’s an Important Tool
But EMDR helped me remember what happened next, which was even more heartbreaking. It also unlocked a memory of it happening before. But my body remembered it before my brain did. Or more specifically, my bladder remembered it first. I will be going more in depth on that story later on in this series. I think it will help you gain a deeper understanding of the EMDR process by sharing my own EMDR story. Just suffice to say for now that the body remembers what the brain cannot.
Have a Pre-Healing Talk with Those Close to You
Since EMDR tends to make us a little more sensitive than usual, it’s a good idea to have that conversation with those closest to us prior to starting. Just anyone who is in our lives regularly and they’ve known us long enough to know how we normally behave. Your partner, closest friends, and even your boss, but only if you feel your boss is someone you can trust. Explain that you’re about to start EMDR treatments and it’s going to make you a little more sensitive. Not explosive or irrational, just more sensitive than usual, but that it will also be temporary. It may also be a good idea to leave for work ten or fifteen minutes earlier, in case of driving meltdowns.
My husband of course knew and he was supportive. I trusted my boss, and so I told him. I was also open with my co-workers, and they, too provided a rich support system for me. Last but not least, my husband’s brothers and sisters reached out to me in support, just to remind me that I wasn’t “just an in-law”. I was a part of their family.
So, from my experiences, I can confirm that those who care will appreciate you giving them the heads up. This pre-healing talk has the potential to create a beautiful support network of those in your corner rooting for you every step of the way.