This is my favorite tool: A 90 day bullet journal or “bujo” with my Reflections x 3 formula. It has maximized my personal growth, my creativity has flourished and I know myself in ways I never thought possible. I’m far more resilient now than I was back in February of 2020, when I started my very first. Each 90 day bullet journal continually helps me bust through more barriers.
The article from last week concerning the hippocampus (memories) explained both its limitations and introduced ways of working through it. My formula for bullet journaling is going to help you work with your hippocampus for maximum growth. Simply put, it’s the ongoing practice of noticing our wins and turning them into declarative memories (memories that you can consciously pull from anytime).
I’ll be honest. I bungled way into using this formula for bullet journaling. Someone in my group had posted about bullet journaling and how excited she was to start back up again. Seeing how I had started my group on the basis of us putting our heads together to figure out what works and what doesn’t for our healing, I figured, why not give it a try?
According to experts on goal setting and the practice of optimistic realism (Included in Master Toolbox 1 under tools for Learned Helplessness), 90 day goals, the ones you can see “on the horizon” was a far better method than setting long-term goals. So I told myself that I would try “this bujo thing” for 90 days: February 1 – April 30, 2020. What I discovered was a growth tool better than therapy.
Why?
What are some major problems we have? The human brain is designed for remembering bad memories better than it can recall the good ones. So, the more trauma we have, the more bad memories we’re able to recall. This makes it that much harder to remember anything good. (You can click here for the four visual aids I created last week. They’re like Cliff Notes on how our memories affect us.)
Add to it how CPTSD is a mind that was forged in trauma itself. We were programmed into seeing ourselves through an unkind lens. Believe me when I tell you that our low confidence and self-esteem isn’t due to never experiencing wins. It’s because we are not remembering them, much less acknowledging them as they occur.
Let’s pause and give ourselves a round of applause for mastering one side of accountability…
Did you know that there are actually two sides to personal accountability? Acknowledging our wrongs, realizing when we have made a mistake, and our willingness to apologize or make amends is only one side of that. While mastering this side is a guarantee that we’re nothing like our Cluster B parents (Trauma Glossary 1), this seriously cripples our ability to thrive.
The other side of personal accountability is Pride. We do this by developing our Trust in who we are and our place in the world. In other words, daring to validate ourselves, daring to internalize other people’s compliments and daring to accept ourselves as good enough already are the keys to growth itself.
My Reflections x 3 Formula is easy to remember
Who is in charge of your growth: You, one hundred percent! It’s organic growth and how you grow through this tool will be as unique as you.
What: Reflections x 3: Wins, Insights, Moving Forward
When: 1) Weekly, 2) Monthly, 3) 90 Days
How: Your daily habits in order to successfully reflect:
Think of your bujo as a tool that’s helping you remember your daily happenings via developing the habit of recording them. The great thing about bullet journaling is, they are not diaries. They’re designed for busy lives. So single line notations, just enough information that will jog your memory when you reflect on your week. Because I guarantee you, by the time you’ve reached the end of the week, you’ve momentarily forgotten what happened at the beginning of the week.
Don’t forget the hippocampus’s golden rule: forgotten memories are only a reminder away from retrieving. So your single line notations should only act as memory triggers: “Oh, yes, I forgot this happened until now.”
You need about 15 minutes per day to reflect on events, thoughts and feelings. Notice anything within? Ideas or anything you may not have noticed before? Give it a special mark. These are your insights. I give my insights an asterisk (*) symbol, so that I can spot them easily when I’m ready to reflect on my week.
Events are what typically trigger our emotions, which also trigger the ongoing “confirmed beliefs” we have. The in-between times, when we’re not experiencing an event, our minds are free to roam. This is when we’re getting in tune with ourselves, noticing things about ourselves, ideas forming, even our eureka moments. Have you ever noticed how such moments often happen while in the shower or while driving? These insights are clues to not just understanding ourselves, but also how to grow.
The problem is, without a tool to help us remember our insightful moments, they, too will get lost as fresher memories are created. This is why it’s good practice to keep one’s bujo close at hand, so that you’re ready to jot down new learning at the first opportunity.
Your first reflections practice: choose your day
You’re not bound by the calendar rule here. Your end of the week reflections fall on whatever day is most convenient for you. Whatever day that is, you will need to have thirty minutes to an hour free in your day to do this.
- Review what you had marked down throughout the week. The forgotten pieces of your week are now remembered in full.
- Look for patterns: the positive events and the bad days. How did you handle them? How did you respond to them? What did you learn? Can you find at least one thing you did that you’re proud of? Answers to any one of these questions can potentially trigger an acknowledgment of a win. (See Tips below, in case this one seems daunting.)
- Copy all the insights you captured during your week: verbatim. This is key to getting to know yourself. Copying all of your insights during the week is the active practice of remembering such crucial cornerstones to your identity.
- Think of at least one way you can take those wins and insights together as a means of Moving Forward into the next week. It could be just one thing, or a full page of ideas. The importance of Moving Forward is the practice of making at least one short term goal. It’s the practice of moving forward with self-compassion by improving your outlook. It’s the active practice of building from your reflections, as well as self-forgiveness through realistic goal setting. Moving Forward helps you actively learn the difference between having having high expectations and (as is often the case with a vicious inner critic) having expectations that are impossible.
Tip 1: Don’t be discouraged if you’re unable to find any wins, especially during your first weekly reflections:
For some of us, our critics (Trauma Glossary 2) are so enmeshed (Trauma Glossary 1) with our identity, we can’t find anything to be proud of without triggering our childhood programming. (My first weekly reflections had NO acknowledged wins.)
In the case where you can’t figure out any wins to acknowledge, explore your insights more. It’s an excellent means of tricking your critic into thinking you’re going along with it. Review your week a second time, only this time, you’re exploring your internal patterns for additional insights. (You’ll see how in the accompanying article as I walk you through my first bujo. Link below.)
Tip 2: Bad days or even a bad week can be built upon:
Even, for example a bad day at work that prompted an urge to murder your co-worker can be marked as a win, simply because you did not act on that urge. If you can explore how you worked through that rage without resorting to violence and managed to keep your job, that’s a win worthy of recording into your reflections. Believe it or not, the way you successfully handled that situation is both a win and an insight that can be used on Moving Forward.
As a matter of fact, my first week with my first bujo started off terrible, as you will see in part two. You will also see how much growth I achieved as I guide you through my own weekly, monthly and finally, 90 day reflections.