Ulysses S. Grant: The Amazing General Who Was a Fawn Type

Ulysses S. Grant was a Fawn Type. And that seems extraordinary to anyone who knows what Grant was famous for. Before he became two-term U.S. president, he was the Union’s commanding general in the Civil War. So, how can this be that a man like him who made history also suffered the major problems that we see in the Fawn Types?

If you haven’t heard of the Fawn Type until now, this link to three visual aids may help you. It’s a “crash course” on the 4F Trauma Types. It also includes a link to an article that expands on the four trauma types: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. All four trauma types start with the letter “F.” Hence, why they’re called the “4F Trauma Types” for short.

This history comic is my open love letter to the Fawn Types and it’s long overdue. For the past two years, I’ve been sharing tidbits of Ulysses S. Grant’s life in the support group I run for CPTSD. Every time someone has talked of their struggles with confidence and self-abandonment and then followed that up with “What is it about me that makes me a target for bad people?” I’ve told them that behind the scenes of Grant’s accomplishments, he asked himself the same questions.

Ulysses S. Grant is the mascot for Fawn, and I can’t imagine a more worthy and beautiful soul to represent the most beautiful souls of the CPTSD community. For a great man who did such great things with his life, he did not thrive the way he deserved. So, I’m hoping that by sharing his story, the Fawn Type gets something useful out of it.

Terms referenced in Trauma Glossary 1: Cluster B Disorder; Projection.

Terms referenced in Trauma Glossary 2: Critic; Self-abandonment, Super-conscience, Toxic Shame.

Our All-Star Cast: Abe, Freddy, Sam, and Julia Introduce the Man of the Hour

Hello, my name is Abraham Lincoln. I was United States president during the most divided time in our country’s history: the Civil War. But I’m not here to talk about myself.

I’m here to talk about the man who was the power behind preserving our country’s union and ending that war. For without him, my administration wouldn’t have gone down in history for abolishing slavery.

Hello, my name is Frederick Douglass, writer, orator, and father of the civil rights movement. But I’m not here to talk about myself.

I’m here to talk about the 18^th president. The one who oversaw the Reconstruction period after the war and fought for civil rights.

Hello, my name is Samuel Clemens. But you probably know me best by my pen name, Mark Twain, author of *The Adventures of Tom Sawyer* and *The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn*.

But I’m not here to talk about myself. I’m here to talk about the Union General who became the 18^th president of the United States.

Hello, my name is Julia Dent Grant. I was the doting wife of the man we’ve been talking about.

I’ve often said that my dear husband’s worst flaw was that he was too kind-hearted. Sadly, this made him easy prey for con artists.

You all have one thing in common. Each of you believed in our honored guest more than he believed in himself.

Hopefully, together, we can get him to see the unique gift he had his whole life. He just took it for granted. Now let’s welcome Ulysses S. Grant.

Intervention for Ulysses S. Grant

My name is Ulysses S. Grant, and I am an alcoholic. I did not drink every day; I simply couldn’t stop once I started. I did, however, smoke 20 cigars a day.

No one ever saw me without a cigar in my mouth.

It isn’t that kind of intervention, darling.

Addiction is just the side effect of a core problem. And that’s what we’re here to discuss, Ulysses. Your core problem.

They’re right. I’m a chain smoker, myself. So, I know a little something about how we tend to self-soothe by self-harm.

Well, I struggled a lot with depression. The migraines I suffered didn’t help with that. Maybe I just needed a break from the pain.

We just scratched through the first layer. Now tell us about your depression. What caused it?

If we take away the things that made me famous, general of the winning side and U.S. president, do you know what we’re left with? Failures. Chronic failure.

My life was chock full of setbacks and tragedies. Unlike you, I suffered the ultimate tragedy of becoming a martyr.

I couldn’t do anything right. That was my core problem.

Do you recall how when we met, we got on so well because we learned we had much in common?

Well, there was one other thing we didn’t talk of much. We both had narcissistic fathers. While true, mine was more physically abusive, our fathers were equals in dishing out the mental abuse.

Daily Devotionals Brought to You by American History

I grew up in a small Ohio town. I was a short child, shy and quiet, and it made me an easy target for bullies.

My mother, Hannah Simpson Grant was kind but unaffectionate. She kept herself aloof with her feelings and expected me and my brothers and sisters to do the same. I don’t think she had it in her to nurture anyone.

My father, Jesse Grant was known as the town braggart, and that’s putting it mildly. No one could have a conversation without him turning it in some way that made him feel superior.

The people in town liked my mother, but they couldn’t stand my father. He wasn’t physically aggressive, but he was a verbal bully.

People couldn’t seek vengeance on him. So, they saw picking on me as a means of getting even.

I’m sorry but were these grown people who did this to you? Bullying an innocent, vulnerable child just because they’re too scared of the dad is pure cowardice.

Sometimes. But mostly it was their children. Their parents would say something like, “Look, that’s Jesse Grant’s kid, and you know we don’t like him.” Of course, that’s usually all it took.

But I agree. There’s something morally wrong with those who hurt the weak and vulnerable.

Fawn Type’s Core Problem

That’s probably why every venture I tried was a failure. I couldn’t assert at all. I just didn’t have it in me to tell people what to do.

That can’t be true. You were my commanding general. Your tactical genius was the reason we won the war. You gave the signal, and they would fire off.

Uh…that *was* you telling them what to do, wasn’t it?

Yes but it was different in the army. They wanted to know what to do. So, I’d tell them, and THEY LIKED IT.

But outside the army it was a lot different. Every time I tried to assert myself, I felt like a verbal bully.

Jaena: That’s what you said about your father Ulysses. You called him a verbal bully.
Ulysses S. Grant: Do you blame me for not wanting to be anything like him?

Not at all. It’s just that I see where you may have overcompensated a bit, like many of us in the CPTSD community have.

I was bound and determined to be a man of my word and I lived by a strong code of ethics. Be humble, never boastful, I always said. Let your merits do the speaking for you.

We see bad traits in our Cluster B parents and train ourselves to be the opposite.

The problem is, we start training ourselves as children, when we’re unable to see the grey areas between right versus wrong.

By the time we reach adulthood, we’ve become *too opposite*, and we don’t know how to let go and undo it.

1849: Ulysses S. Grant (age 27) Gets Swindled

My wife Julia and I befriended a man named Elijah Camp. He opened a store, and I used my savings, $1500 capital so that he could do this.

This automatically made you a shareholder. Go on.

His business started booming, and so I visited him later and asked for his profit statement.

That con artist groaned and whined and said there was no money in his trade at all. The liar!

Then he told me he would feel better if he was the sole owner of the store. So, I said alright then, I’ll withdraw my $1500 capital and we can go our separate ways.

He gave me $700 cash and $800 in personal notes.

This still wasn’t enough for him. He proceeded to bemoan that he couldn’t sleep at night, worrying about the notes falling into the wrong hands.

So, being the people pleaser that I was, I burned those notes right in front of him.

That means you only have the word of a con man to go on because the legal binding I Owe You has been destroyed. Did you ever get the $800 he owed you?

No. He blew up his store, accidentally of course. Then he left town. But the worst part was, by the time I withdrew my money, he owed me ten times that amount.

If the profits increased by that much during your time as a shareholder, then business truly was booming for him.

1854 Ulysses S. Grant (age 32) Gets Swindled Again

A friend named Thomas Stevens started a banking business. He promised a 2% monthly interest in my favor. So, I left my savings once again with someone I should not have trusted. $1750 this time.

I should have seen the exorbitant financial promises for the con that it was. But I knew next to nothing about investing.

I thought I could take him at his word because I knew him from our time together in the army.

Just to clarify, you’re referring to your time in the army long before you rose as commanding general of the Civil War.

Yes, and by 1854 I was leaving the army to try and make something of myself in the business world. I was in California by that time. My family was in St. Louis, and I was trying to get home to them.

Jaena: How long was your money with his bank?
Ulysses S. Grant: Four months. I left it with him in January and came to withdraw it in May.

So, he would have owed you $1750 plus $140 interest. Go on.

Thomas Stevens asked me to wait a couple of weeks because he couldn’t pay me just yet. But he promised to have my money ready in time for boarding the next steamer home.

At the end of two weeks, I returned to find that Stevens had gone out of town. Once again, I was cheated but worse than that, I was stranded in California with no means of going home.

Fortunately, I ran into a good friend, Richard Allen. He helped me get home to my family.

Nine years later, when my husband rose to fame as a general, I wrote Mr. Stevens a blunt letter. Then he finally sent us the money he owed.

A Target for Swindlers

Had I only known the series of failures waiting for me, I’d have stayed in the army.

I couldn’t even sell anything. The way I see it, people already know what they want. Why push them into buying something if they don’t want it? That’s like taking advantage of people. Or worse, conning them.

And yet you were so easily conned, my poor sweet darling Ulysses.

You’re right, Julia. I grew up a target for bullies and then as a man, I guess I became a target for swindlers.

It’s easy for an outside observer to look at what happened and think, “Oh no, what was Ulysses thinking?”

Both times, I never saw it coming until it was too late. I felt like such a fool.

Let’s talk about what you said earlier. The strong code of ethics you lived by and being a man of your word. Notice how you took both Elijah Camp and Thomas Stevens at their word, without question.

I think it’s because they saw me as a simpleton.

Julia Dent Grant: If that’s the only justification people need to swindle others, then they are people without a conscience.
Jaena: Yes! What your wife said!

Projection & Self-Abandonment in CPTSD

The problem is NOT how others saw you. It’s how you saw yourself.

Having a strong code of ethics is a wonderful character trait. But when did you ever validate that about yourself so that you could understand not everyone had a strong moral compass like yours?

Our 21^st century generation has a name for it, Ulysses. I believe they call it projection.

Absolutely! When we think of projection, it’s usually bad people who are assuming bad things in others. But there’s another side to it that isn’t often talked about.

When good people assume that everyone else is just as good as they are.

So, you’re saying I was projecting my character onto these con men? And it was all because I never learned to validate myself?

Yes, but this is a side effect of CPTSD and especially the Fawn Type.

Shame is what we’re using when we define ourselves in a negative way and convince ourselves that there is nothing we can do about it. That’s why shame is the only emotion that has zero benefits.

In the CPTSD community, we have what’s known as Toxic Shame. We were programmed to believe many negative things about ourselves. It’s very painful and we will do anything to relieve ourselves of it.

This is why we develop the Super-Conscience. Believing if we’re “extra good” we might escape those shameful feelings.

We also developed a Vicious Critic that’s trying to protect us from the threat of even more shame. So, it’s reminding us to keep toeing the line or else.

These three problems are feeding each other in one continuous loop. That’s how it’s activated in real time and creates the same actionable behavior. Our 4^th problem: Self-Abandonment. Forget the Self and please others.

Fawn Type’s Burden

Pardon me for butting in here. I’m just seeing your map and remembering our conversation in your second history comic when we were talking about the inner and outer critic and the different trauma types.

Excellent point! The outer critic throws the blame on others or the situation itself. But the inner critic throws the blame on the Self.

Fight Type and Freeze Type are ruled entirely by the outer critic. While Flight Type has BOTH inner and outer critic. But Fawn Type is the only one ruled entirely by the inner critic.

That’s why no one suffers the burden of this circuitry more than the Fawn Type. Fawn Type blames the Self in every situation.

Ulysses S. Grant: Is this what you’re saying I was? A Fawn Type?
Jaena: Oh, without a doubt.

This is why you couldn’t fight for yourself, Ulysses. Any time you were personally involved, this programming kept you from seeing the situation clearly.

But this is also why you were so good at fighting for others. When you were not personally involved, you saw the situation clearly and it moved you to do something about it.

Having spent a lifetime as an underdog, I identified with the weak and vulnerable. I couldn’t stand to see them suffer.

If someone was mistreating them, well, that just wasn’t right. So, I did what I could for them.

This is why the first tool given to Fawn Type is, “Imagine a friend in your situation. Whatever advice you would give them, practice following it for yourself.”

The programming is so strong in Fawn Type, it’s the only way they can start challenging it so that they can eventually break free of it.

Ulysses S. Grant: The Civil Rights President Who Was a Fawn Type

In 1870, just one year after I became president, my administration passed the 15^th Amendment of the Constitution.

This meant that no state was allowed to deny anyone’s right to vote based on the color of their skin.

Racial tensions in the south built into a fever pitch and then a terrorist group was formed. They called themselves the Ku Klux Klan.

The Ku Klux Klan, or KKK that we know today is a racist group that goes around making hate speeches. Sometimes they wear their traditional white gowns with pointed white hoods.

But the original KKK were physically violent and murderous. They harassed, beat, kidnapped, and lynched people of color.

Lynching by the KKK meant that they would string up their victim and then hang them from a tree. And this was usually after they took turns beating them mercilessly.

All of this just because their victims’ skin was dark.

I was receiving reports from the south on what this group was doing, and I was outraged.

I needed to put a stop to this, but how? The members were hiding their identities under their white gowns and hoods. So, I enlisted spies to go down south and learn who they were.

It took a long time, but it paid off. By the end of my administration, 5,000 Ku Klux Klan members were arrested.

That’s how the Ku Klux Klan lost their power. They never disbanded, of course but their violence was certainly curtailed.

Yes, the way I saw it, they could keep their freedom of hate speech. But if they wanted to cause physical harm, they’d have to deal with me again.

Fawn Type’s Gift to the World

So, it appears that I freed the slaves and then you made them citizens.

Well, not for long. After I left office in 1877, it collapsed, and people of color were at mercy of new laws.

Poll taxes and literacy tests, all designed to keep the newly emancipated from voting. Even lynchings increased.

You can’t hold yourself responsible for anything that happened after you left office.

You fought for all people of color. Even as you lost friends who fought beside you in the Civil War, all because they thought you were taking things too far.

You kept fighting for people of color anyway because you saw the situation clearly and what was morally right.

Frederick Douglass: That’s why you, Ulysses S. Grant were my favorite president. No offense, Abe.
Abraham Lincoln: None taken, Freddy. But I am your second favorite, right?

1880 -1884: Ulysses S. Grant (age 58-62) Gets Swindled One Last Time

I was introduced to Ferdinand Ward. He was nicknamed the Young Napoleon of Finance. Twenty-nine years old and the most successful trader on Wall Street.

Then there was James Fish. He was a bank president.

My son, Buck entered a partnership with these two men, and that’s how I met them.

Our gentle boy, Buck had done so well for himself financially and he wanted to see his father become financially successful too.

Ulysses: And so, I entered the partnership and even added my other son, Jesse. Buck put in $100,000. Jesse and I put in $50,000 each.

We didn’t know this at the time, but it turned out my two sons and I were the only investors. James Fish never contributed one cent, and Ferdinand Ward backed his share with worthless securities.

Our trading firm was called Grant & Ward. The name America could trust with the name of Wall Street’s financial wizard.

It seemed magical for a while. People who invested with us were making 15-20% profits per month. Word spread quickly and next thing you know, all of Wall Street wanted to invest with us.

For once, I didn’t have to worry about money. I never questioned how Ward was spinning all these investments into huge returns.

Until the money evaporated overnight, and we were all ruined.

“It was the unimpeachable credit and respectability of Grant’s name that enabled Fish and Ward to swindle the public. They could not have done it on their own reputations.”

Ponzi Scheme

It just gets moved from the new investor, “Peter” to the older investor, “Paul.” And of course, the one running the scheme is pocketing a ton of money for themselves in between these transactions.

Believe it or not, this scheme can last as long as they keep getting new investors AND the old investors don’t demand a full payout.

But the moment the old investors demand a full payout AND there aren’t enough new investors, the whole scheme falls apart and everyone is ruined.

That’s what happened to Ulysses. Ferdinand Ward was running a Ponzi scheme. It lasted almost four years and Ulysses had no idea until it was too late.

From Financial Ruin to Throat Cancer

I only had one year of life left in me when we were ruined. Because right after Ward got exposed as a fraud, I got diagnosed with throat cancer.

It looked like I was going to die leaving my family destitute unless I did something about it.

Many Civil War generals were publishing their memoirs since the end of the war. As the *commanding* general of the winning side, Ulysses’s memoir would be the most valuable of all.

As usual, everyone knew this except Ulysses.

Funny how we’re all so busy coping through life, we don’t stop and think about living until we start dying. At least it was for me.

I always hated talking about myself because my father couldn’t stop talking about himself. But now it was time to let go of that. I had a family to save, and I didn’t have much time to do it.

I contacted *Century*, the publishing company that had been after me before about publishing my memoirs and I told them, “Okay, I will do it.”

They offered me a 10% royalty and I thought that sounded fair. Then Sam came to visit. History knows him as Mark Twain.

I started my own publishing company that year. Whoever published the general’s memoirs stood to make a ton of money. I admit, I wanted his book very much.

But unlike *Century*, I wasn’t going to take advantage of Ulysses just so that I could make even more off him.

Samuel Clemens Saves the Day

When Ulysses told me what *Century* offered a man of his stature, “I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.”

I attributed it to “buying a dollar bill off a blind man and paying him ten cents for it.” It’s the sort of deal you make with an *unknown* person, and you are *not* expecting high sales.

But this was *U.S. Grant*, and I knew the sales would be astronomical.

So, I made him my own offer. 20% royalties or 70% net profits, plus a check for $50,000 on the spot, just for letting me publish his book.

I balked at first because Sam’s offer was *too* *generous*. Then he told me that any publishing company in America would have made me the same offer. Except for the one I was currently dealing with.

He hadn’t signed a contract yet, so that was good. But I still had to get through his stubborn humility. That difficult programming you were talking about earlier.

Ulysses S. Grant: I told *Century* they could have my memoirs, and I had always been a man of my word…
Jaena & Samuel Clemens: It’s okay to change your mind.

If he signed their contract, it would be too late. I had to get through to him quickly, so I sweetened the deal. I offered him paid living expenses plus a job for his son, Jesse on my publishing staff.

Jaena: You wanted that book bad, didn’t you?
Samuel Clemens: So bad, I was willing to go broke just to get it.

Ulysses S. Grant says: “Not this time!”

I needed some time to think it over, work through stuff. But when *Century* sent me their contract, I read over it and remembered what Sam said.

I had a family to save. I sent them their contract back, unsigned with a note enclosed. It said, “I see that it is all in favor of the publisher, with nothing left for the author.”

Ulysses S. Grant: And so, I signed with Sam’s company.
Jaena & Samuel Clemens: YAY!!

Jaena: You did it, Sam! You saved Ulysses’s family!
Samuel Clemens: Ulysses saved Ulysses’s family. I just provided him with the opportunity.

Final Days of Ulysses S. Grant

To save my family, I had to create the product. I had no idea how much time I had left, but my pain was worsening every day. Drinking water felt like torture.

If I wasn’t fighting the brain fog of pain, I was fighting the fog of the opiates my doctor was prescribing to lessen my pain.

I don’t know where I found my strength. But I had a family to save, and I started writing every day.

I became a regular visitor, checking in on Ulysses and to give him encouragement.

My energy would deplete me, and I’d nap. Then I’d wake up and write some more. Sometimes I’d write after dinner if I was able.

The doctors had given Ulysses only a few weeks to live when he signed that book deal with Sam. But he lived another five months instead.

We all noticed what writing his memoirs was doing for him. It was keeping him alive.

Who’d have thought writing about myself could bring me such joy? I was reflecting on my life and feeling a little proud of myself.

Ulysses S. Grant: I finished both volumes right before I died.
Jaena: Volumes?

Oh yes, Ulysses’s memoirs were sold as a *two*-volume set. So, each customer paid twice. One of my more brilliant business ideas.

Samuel Clemens: We sold 300,000 *sets* of his memoirs…
Jaena: Meaning, *600,000* of his books were sold. Genius!

I died saving my family and my wife, Julia was set for life.

Epilogue

Ulysses when I read your story I was blown away by your gentle spirit. You deserved to thrive more than you did.

And I guess that’s the first reason I created this comic, a sort of apologia to you.

That’s why I invited your friends who also happen to be the most powerful names in 19^th century America.

I knew I needed their help if there was any hope of getting you to see your worth.

Julia Dent Grant: I saw your worth and I fell in love with you.
Abraham Lincoln: I saw your worth and I promoted you.

Frederick Douglass: I saw your worth and I praised you in my writings.
Samuel Clemens: I saw your worth and I fought for it.

You knew how they saw you while you were living, Ulysses. It’s proof that all the validation in the world is meaningless until we learn how to validate ourselves.

Know Your Worth and Assert!

This brings us to the second reason I created this comic.

Jaena: I know your type from my CPTSD community.
Ulysses S. Grant: You mean the Fawn Types?

Yes, and many can benefit from your story. It’s equal parts proof of what Fawn Type can offer the world and what Fawn Type *must* work on so that they can live the life they deserve.

What is it you would like to say to those who might identify with you?

When we lack confidence, we tend to throw too much trust in those who seem to have it in abundance.

Ferdinand Ward was very confident, so I never bothered learning how he was making all that money.

Ferdinand Ward was a psychopath and a narcissist. Look him up. You’ll see it too.

But they won’t always come at you like that. Sometimes they will play the opposite role to get what they want.

Elijah Camp conned me with his sob story. He played helpless and vulnerable, and I fell for it.

The answer isn’t that you can’t trust anyone. Because look at the friends that I had.

What you must do is look within long enough to know that you have something that no one else has.

Whatever it is, it’s your gift, and it’s up to you to protect it.

Just enough so that in any situation, you can pull from it and say, “My needs matter too.” Know your worth and then you can assert.

Resources

Credit is due to Ron Chernow’s biography on Ulysses S. Grant. I’m not usually comfortable sharing what I’ve learned based off one book. However, I have read Ron Chernow’s biographies on both George Washington and Alexander Hamilton. So, I can confirm that Chernow is a reliable source. His biography on Alexander Hamilton was the very one that inspired the famous musical Hamilton, after all.

Pete Walker continues to educate us on CPTSD. His groundbreaking book: Complex-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is the reason we now know about the 4F Trauma Types. And it’s thanks to him that we understand what it means to be a Fawn Type.

Finally, since Frederick Douglass brought up the “conversation” we had in a past history comic, it seems appropriate to link that one here. He shared his story of how he recovered from soul death just four years before he escaped slavery and became a legend. It’s also how the formula for Poised Readiness was developed, which is shrinking the inner critic by expanding the outer.

This inspired two follow-up articles exploring this topic. Then I created 7 visual aids in one spot here with links to both articles.

Those two articles and visual aids are a part of my e-book on Amazon: Complex-PTSD’s Handbook for Recovery and Flashback Mastery.

Tools

Ulysses S. Grant didn’t have tools for working through his problems in the 19th century. But in our modern age, we have them if we know where to look. So, first we have Master Toolbox 1 and Master Toolbox 2 that can help us work through many of our ongoing problems.

Another great resource is understanding our emotions and what they want. 14 visual aids in one spot that include links to articles that expand on anger, sadness, fear, and guilt versus shame. Once we understand what our uncomfortable emotions are trying to tell us, we improve our self-awareness. And that’s step one for building confidence.

Speaking of building confidence, it’s key to knowing our worth so that we can assert. We have tools for developing this too. You may appreciate my Reflections x3 Formula. It’s the practice of using our positive and recent memories to build confidence and self-esteem through bullet journaling. It’s my favorite tool and I use it to this very day.