The memory keeper is not intentionally holding onto memories, they are simply those whose memories are without blank spots. They are able to recall without effort every trauma that they experienced and what they witnessed happening to others. There tends to be at least one in every dysfunctional family and it’s usually the scapegoat sibling. …
The Memory Keeper of Family Dysfunction Read More »
Trauma attraction is having an attraction to those who make us feel in some way similar to how we felt when we were raised in an adverse home. It’s a failure to see the value in peace. That’s because when we’re raised in chaos, we learn how to cope in chaos. Dissociating was our only …
Trauma Attraction and the Chaotic Nervous System Read More »
Hyper-vigilance is a fear-based state of scanning for threats even in non-threatening situations. We tend to think of threats as the life-threatening kind. However, there are also the sort of threats that won’t hurt us physically and that’s why we often overlook these. We also tend to scan for threats to our emotional, mental, and …
Hyper-Vigilance: The Over-Guarding of the Self Read More »
Setting boundaries and holding firm to them is the greatest challenge in our Complex-PTSD community. That’s because our self-abandonment programming tends to run our life. Until we do the healing work, of course. You see, behind our programming is toxic shame. And so, when attempting to assert, it tends to trigger a shame spiral, or …
Setting Boundaries and Holding Your Position Read More »
True story time. In 2014, I shared my dirty little secret with my therapist. “I don’t like helping people.” Yes, I – who considers myself a servant to my Complex-PTSD community and gets much satisfaction from doing so – once said and fully believed my own words. That’s how severe my self-abandonment programming once was. …
Self-Abandonment: People Pleasing versus Helping People Read More »
Sometimes thoughts get stuck in our heads and then we can’t think of anything else. We know this as ruminating, and it happens to everyone. But in complex trauma, it’s amplified. Not only does it happen more frequently, but the emotional overwhelm keeps us stuck there longer. That’s why ours is called looping in Trauma …
Looping: It’s Ruminating on Steroids Read More »
Repeated exposure to threats teaches us to be hyper-vigilant. When we have no control of these situations, they teach us that there is nothing we can do about it. In other words, learned helplessness. Our experiences teach us how we view ourselves and our outer world. And as par for the course, how much space …
Learned Helplessness: It’s the Fear of Thriving Read More »
Catastrophizing is what I refer to as False Prophet Syndrome. We imagine the worst case scenario and then it feels like a foregone conclusion. We lean into this prophecy, and give it our full attention. How could we not? There’s a threat up ahead! We see it so clearly in our mind’s eye. Terror grips …
Catastrophizing: Negotiating With Your False Prophet Read More »
Negative noticing is a type of cognitive distortion. Like its name implies, it means we are overly noticing the negative. This leads to problems that keep us stuck in the same hamster wheel of negative beliefs. Because when we only notice the negative, we will keep “confirming” and “re-confirming” them. Think “sensory filters” because that’s …
Negative Noticing and the Power of Our Sensory Filters Read More »
In chapter 11 of Pete Walker’s book, Complex-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, he briefly describes the symptoms of blocked emotions. It’s under the subsection, Crying and Angering in Concert. Blink, you will miss it. But in those few words, he perfectly describes my ongoing problems with having blocked grief. And after numerous discussions in my …
Blocked Emotions: Anger and Grief Read More »
