I walked you through the five basic steps for setting up your bullet journal. Now I will introduce you to some tools that you may (or not) want to include for getting even more growth out of your 90 days. These have all worked for me and I will walk you through why with guided examples from both my first bujo and my second. Here is an overview of what I refer to as Advanced Settings:
Daily check-in tools:
- Feelings Wheel/Emotion Wheel
- Cognition Sheet
Positive Feedback/Compliments
A note on where do I place these tools in my bujo?
Answer: Anywhere that works for you.
Some resources out there suggest setting up all of your tools, etc. in the back of your bujo. If you prefer that method, go for it! I simply chose to embed all of mine in the front because it forced me to have at least a passing glimpse of them prior to reaching my bookmarked page.
First things first, a recap on this series of articles:
Part 1: I introduced you to my Reflections x 3 Formula.
Part 2: I gave you a visual guide through my first bullet journal.
Part 3: I introduced the most basic setup for all bullet journals.
Daily Check-In Tools:
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Events are what trigger our emotions, both good and bad. We also have thoughts and feelings that work together to determine our actions (or inaction). These tools are great for giving you a deeper understanding of what’s going on internally, when you record your events. Both tools are perfect for bujos because they each have a negative and a positive side. So all you have to do is cut them in half and use either glue or tape to embed them. Place the negative side on the left hand page and the positive on the right hand page.
Feelings Wheel/Emotion Wheel:
This is a must have tool for alexithymics! (Trauma Glossary 2) However, it’s useful for anyone on gaining a deeper understanding of their emotions.
This is how I set mine up:
Cognition Sheet:
This one cannot be understated. It’s great for gaining clarity on the faulty programming that’s been feeding our core beliefs about ourselves. But the added incentive is, the cognition sheet doubles as a tool for reframing thoughts. In fact, you can choose any thought/s, anywhere from the positive column that will help you transcend your negative cognition.
This is how I set mine up:
Positive Feedback/Compliments
You know how we tend to instantly internalize criticism, including insults? And yet, just as quickly, we dismiss other people’s compliments with any number of excuses for why So-and-So’s opinion “doesn’t count”. This is the result of being on the receiving end of our Cluster B parents’ (Trauma Glossary 1) emotional abuse for 18+ years. It made us vulnerable to other people’s emotional abuse, which drove our “negative confirmations” of how we started viewing ourselves.
When we fail to acknowledge or accept positive feedback, our hippocampus (memory storage) will “overwrite” those experiences. This denies us any chance at Positive Confirmation. Without Positive Confirmation, there’s even less chance at creating a Positive Declarative Memory. Our self-esteem continues to flounder the longer we feed the habit of Negative Confirmations that create our Negative Declarative Memories. (*All underlined terms can be found in this visual aid. Consider it your Cliff Notes for what we’re doing here and why.)
The challenge on this one is to reserve 2 pages for “Compliment Quotes” and you have 90 days to fill it up. The wins and the insights you record during your reflections will help you develop your confidence. Daring to take the time to record other people’s positive feedback will help you develop your self-esteem. Combine the two and your sense of identity will really flourish.
If the idea of filling up two pages of compliments triggers your “what if” fear of being unable to fill up “two whole pages in only 90 days” and you’re already imagining how worse off your self-esteem will end up, let me assure you. First, this is “our normal” thinking. It’s yet another form of catastrophizing (Trauma Glossary 2).
Second, I fully admit that I did not have this one for my challenge in my first 90 day bujo, but it got added into my second one. If you recall in my first bujo, I had just begun accepting other people’s compliments, which was why I dared to take on this challenge in my next.
Tip 1:
If the idea of taking on this challenge is triggering both your False Prophet Syndrome (Catastrophizing) and more toxic shame (Trauma Glossary 2) than all of the years you experienced your Cluster B parents’ negative feedback of you, don’t include this one in your first bujo. Instead, I strongly encourage you to set the following 90 day priority goal: !Work on ways to prepare yourself for taking on the challenge in your next bujo, or even the one after.
Tip 2:
You can start it off by remembering past compliments that you appreciated hearing at the time. Then write those down in your positive feedback section. It’s a lot like giving yourself a primer in which to build upon when you begin your 90 day bujo. This will help you eliminate the daunting pressure, much in the same way that writers cease being intimidated by their blank page the moment they find their opening paragraph.
Tip 3:
You might catch yourself in the act of giving your own self a positive affirmation. In that scenario, you can quote yourself in your Positive Feedback. This too, happened to me the first time.
My second bullet journal; the first time I created a section for positive feedback. From top left to the first red line were compliments that I received from my first bullet journal because I wanted to carry those over with me into my new one:
Between to top and bottom red lines was the ONE compliment I captured from someone else during my second 90 day bujo. From below the bottom red line and filling up the entire right side, was an affirmation I gave myself. (You’ll see it in full next week). I was processing a particularly nasty shame spiral (Trauma Glossary 2) on Marco Polo with a friend because an ex-friend had insulted me. I got angry and ended up giving myself the best affirmation I have ever given myself.
All you need to know for now is, the affirmation was so powerful, I was shocked that I was capable of saying something so validating about myself. And, that affirmation was the turning point in my shame spiral, as I was able to slowly pull myself out of it. Because Marco Polo is an app for leaving video messages, I was able to capture what I had said in full. (Albeit with more playbacks and pauses than I cared to count.)
I’ll be honest. I was relieved that I managed to fill up two pages of feedback during my first month. The problem was, I still had two more months to go before the closing of this bullet journal. That “relief” of mine prevented me from trying to capture, much less internalize any further compliments. So in my third bullet journal, I doubled my Positive Feedback challenge. Instead of giving myself two pages reserved for compliments, I challenged myself to fill up four pages. And I did!
Tip 4:
Your Positive Feedback section does not have to be included in every single bullet journal. Its sole purpose is to help you learn to see yourself the way that other people have been seeing you all along. Your programming has been feeding a false sense of how you think others have been seeing you all this time. Once you reach the point where you’re finally able to internalize the positive things people say about you with little to no resistance from your critic, (Trauma Glossary 2) is the day you no longer need to include this one in your bujo.
Now onto the final part, where I will guide you through your cycle down period. This is the fun part! You can start piecing together modules for yourself and develop your creativity.